SNOE ADVENCHUR
X-posted to LSG.
So we’re being hit by this ginormous blizzard and all the schools are closed, businesses have been closing all day, even the hospital sent us home a bit early. Everyone seems to be on the way home early. The roads are terrible, I mean absolutely shitty, you can’t see anything but snow and blurry lights, the sky is dark, and my wipers keep icing over so I can’t see through the windshield and there’s nowhere to pull over so I can clear them.
An hour and a half later, I’m home safely, but stuck at the bottom of the driveway to our apartment complex. This nice lady who seems like an awesome jolly butch lesbian soccer mom Snow Rescue Hero in a big SUV stops to tow me out. She has to pull me backwards into the street because my car won’t hook up to the front, and the street is plowed while the driveway is not.
It only takes a few minutes. Like, five tops. But there are five or six cars waiting behind us because we have to unhook and all that. Most of them are like, you know, giving sympathetic looks or just gripping their steering wheels with grim focus. But one douchenozzle is leaning on his horn and when he lets go for five seconds, he leans on it again. For like, the entire time he’s waiting to go by. Then after a minute we’re safely anchored and waving people by, and he’s shouting obscenities, leaning out his window, going “YOU CAN’T PARK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!!11!ELEVEN!” and swearing, angry as hell, not even looking at where he’s driving.
So I tell him “oh shut the fuck up, moron, we’re getting unstuck” or something like that. And he raves a bit more and says “GO FUCK YOURSELF!”
To which my irritable, stylish-black-trenchcoat-clad, scrubs-wearing, snow-splattered, 5’2” self replies, “I WILL LATER, BUT I WON’T BE THINKING OF YOU, ASSHOLE! GO HOME!”
Then he shouts some more, and he’s continuing to shout and scream out his window as he drives away. Like, until he is out of hearing range. We were laughing, funniest shit ever.
I thanked the nice lady profusely and got my boyfriend to shovel out and park my car. My ears were very cold by then.