smell the fear, taste the horror
My house has a dude kitchen. People who have lived in houses with multiple male residents and a shared cooking area should know what I mean, even if I made that up just right now. Dude kitchen is a place very much like the Earth we know, and yet subtly, sinisterly different. It is a place where strange coincidences are commonplace, where logic and reason hold no sway.
It is a place beyond mortal comprehension!
Perhaps you are looking for some spices to add to your pasta? In dude kitchen, the only spices that haven't fused to the walls of their plastic containers are whole peppercorns, and the grinder is jammed shut with mucous of sinister origin.
Are you cooking in dude kitchen? Parsley, sage, rosemary and TERROR!
Perhaps you wish to add two tablespoons of rice vinegar to that stir fry sauce. Tremble in fear, pitiful human: dude kitchen contains a random assortment of measuring spoons with the markings rubbed off! "Precision" and "care" are outdated concepts from your bygone world! Dude kitchen asks: can you find sustenance without these precious lies of yours?
Dude kitchen asks only out of spite, for dude kitchen has foreseen your inevitable downfall!
Perhaps you wonder why flies are swarming over the sink. The truth, if your frail mind can withstand it, lies in a bag of rotten bananas placed on top of the refrigerator for some stupid reason. Yes, whisper a prayer to your false god, for all the "good" it will do you!
For the divine cannot be found within dude kitchen--only the profane, and the smelly!
Seriously, though, rotten bananas? What the hell?
It is a place beyond mortal comprehension!
Perhaps you are looking for some spices to add to your pasta? In dude kitchen, the only spices that haven't fused to the walls of their plastic containers are whole peppercorns, and the grinder is jammed shut with mucous of sinister origin.
Are you cooking in dude kitchen? Parsley, sage, rosemary and TERROR!
Perhaps you wish to add two tablespoons of rice vinegar to that stir fry sauce. Tremble in fear, pitiful human: dude kitchen contains a random assortment of measuring spoons with the markings rubbed off! "Precision" and "care" are outdated concepts from your bygone world! Dude kitchen asks: can you find sustenance without these precious lies of yours?
Dude kitchen asks only out of spite, for dude kitchen has foreseen your inevitable downfall!
Perhaps you wonder why flies are swarming over the sink. The truth, if your frail mind can withstand it, lies in a bag of rotten bananas placed on top of the refrigerator for some stupid reason. Yes, whisper a prayer to your false god, for all the "good" it will do you!
For the divine cannot be found within dude kitchen--only the profane, and the smelly!
Seriously, though, rotten bananas? What the hell?