MyAnimeList.net Terms of Use Comedy Session.
http://myanimelist.net/tou.php
I thought about joining this site. And like all good users of the internets, I read through the end-user license agreement/terms of use/terms of service/ToS/Tales of Symphonia before signing up for the service.
Unexpectedly, this became a source of great entertainment.
POINT THE FIRST
"elcome to MyAnimeList.net (the "Site"), a website and online service that is owned by a division of AtomicOnline, LLC ("Company" "we," or "us"). This page explains the terms by which you may use our service. By accessing or using the Site's services, website and software provided through or in connection with the service ("Service")..."
"Site grants you permission to use the Service as set forth in this Agreement, provided that: (i) you will not copy, distribute, or disclose any part of the Service in any medium;..."
Based on this, and assuming that "disclosing" means "giving information about"...this means that, in order to lawfully use this website, I had better not talk about it with anyone.
Or I can conveniently misinterpret "medium" to refer to spiritual channelers and the like.
POINT THE SECOND
"You agree not to post User Content that: (i) may create a risk of harm, loss, physical or mental injury, emotional distress, death, disability, disfigurement, or physical or mental illness to you, to any other person, or to any animal;..."
I had better not post negative reviews of Naruto on this site.
"...(ii) may create a risk of any other loss or damage to any person or property;..."
I had better not post negative reviews of Naruto on this site.
"...(iii) may constitute or contribute to a crime or tort;..."
I had BETTER not post negative reviews of Naruto on this site.
"...(iv) contains any information or content that we deem to be unlawful, harmful, abusive, racially or ethnically offensive, defamatory, infringing, invasive of personal privacy or publicity rights, harassing, humiliating to other people (publicly or otherwise), libelous, threatening, or otherwise objectionable;..."
I had REALLY BETTER not post negative reviews of Naruto on this site.
POINT THE SECOND PLUS ONE COUNT OF THE IMAGINARY UNIT
"...(v) contains any information or content that is illegal;..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmQFcVR6vEs
POINT THE THIRD
"...(vii) contains any information or content that you know is not correct..."
1. Crap, I've got to use my real name here! And the people will know that I'm actually the humanoid form of a REDACTED!!
2. Looks like there's no hiding my having seen several episodes of Sailor Moon in my youth...
3. I had better not contradict the Naruto fans.
POINT THE FOURTH
"For the purposes of this Agreement, "Intellectual Property Rights" means all patent rights, copyright rights, mask work rights, moral rights, rights of publicity, trademark, trade dress and service mark rights, goodwill,"
...wait, "moral rights"? Someone please tell me if that seriously exists in legal systems. And what they are. I mean, I can kinda see the term "goodwill" being used in a legal code, but...
POINT THE FIFTH
"You understand and acknowledge that you may be exposed to User Content that is inaccurate, offensive, indecent, or objectionable, and you agree that Company shall not be liable for any damages you allege to incur as a result of such User Content."
Well, darn. I can't sue them when angry Naruto fans find out my real name and come after me!
POINT THE SIXTH
"Except as explicitly provided herein, nothing in this Agreement shall be deemed to create a license in or under any such Intellectual Property Rights, and you agree not to sell, license, rent, modify, distribute, copy, reproduce, transmit, publicly display, publicly perform, publish, adapt, edit or create derivative works from any materials or content accessible on the Service."
Looks like I'm still not allowed to talk about the site.
POINT THE SEVENTH
"By using the Service, you are consenting to have your personal data transferred to and processed in the United States."
IN AMERICA!
POINT THE EIGHTH
"TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, IN NO EVENT SHALL COMPANY, ITS AFFILIATES, DIRECTORS, EMPLOYEES OR ITS LICENSORS BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, PUNITIVE, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF PROFITS, GOODWILL, USE, DATA OR OTHER INTANGIBLE LOSSES, THAT RESULT FROM THE USE OF, OR INABILITY TO USE, THIS SERVICE."
Correction:
To the maximum extent permitted by applicable law, in no event shall Company, its affiliates, directors, employees, employees' spouses or children or pets or close relatives, or its licensors be liable for any direct, indirect, punitive, incidental, special, consequential, exemplary, transcendental, rational, irrational, fantastic, realistic, defenestrative, demonstrative, connotative, denotative, consonant, dissonant, assonant, asinine, porcine, bovine, divine, diatonic, chromatic, or housatonic, damages, including with limitation damages for loss of profits, goodwill, use, data, save game files, personal effects such as jewelry and expensive accessories, magical artifacts, scientific samples, legal materials, illegal materials, paralegal materials, juggling pins, bowling pins, flag pins, or other intangible losses, that result from the use of, abuse of, misuse of, mistreatment of, flagrant non-use of, or inability to use, this service.
POINT THE NINTH
"...(II) PERSONAL INJURY OR PROPERTY DAMAGE, OF ANY NATURE WHATSOEVER, RESULTING FROM YOUR ACCESS TO AND USE OF OUR SERVICE;..."
Looks like the tab's on me if I piss off fandoms.
POINT THE TENTH
"Any claim or dispute between you and Company that arises in whole or in part from the Service shall be decided exclusively by a court of competent jurisdiction located in Los Angeles County, California, unless submitted to arbitration as set forth in the following paragraph."
LA Law, people.
POINT THE ELEVENTH
"B. Arbitration. For any claim (excluding claims for injunctive or other equitable relief) under this Agreement where the total amount of the award sought is less than $10,000, the party requesting relief may elect to resolve the dispute through binding non-appearance-based arbitration. The party electing such arbitration shall initiate the arbitration through an established alternative dispute resolution ("ADR") provider mutually agreed upon by the parties. The ADR provider and the parties must comply with the following rules: a) the arbitration shall be conducted by telephone, online and/or be solely based on written submissions, as selected by the party initiating the arbitration; b) the arbitration shall not involve any personal appearance by the parties or witnesses unless otherwise mutually agreed by the parties; and c) any judgment on the award rendered by the arbitrator may be entered in any court of competent jurisdiction."
There has GOT to be some sort of joke I can crack here. Alas, I am too unfamiliar with legal procedure to know what I'm cracking a joke about. Sorry.
I'll try to make an effort anyway: This apparently seems to mean that, if there's some sort of sh** that goes down for which someone gotta pay up ten grand or less (US dollars, presumably), they're open to negotiating by phone, internet, mail, and anything that won't get people face-to-face, and if you drop by to say hi, they...well, I totally don't know legal stuff, but I guess the worst thing that could happen is that they could sue you for dropping by to say hi.
On the other hand, I wonder what a court of incompetent jurisdiction would be like. That might be wording for in case a court or judge decides to go out on a limb and tell the rest of the justice system that it's screwing the rules due to being a court or something.
POINT THE TWELTH
"D. Entire Agreement/Severability. This Agreement, together with any other legal notices and agreements published by Company via the Service, shall constitute the entire agreement between you and Company concerning the Service."
It's not in this terms of use document, but in some other terms of use documents, there's an additional clause saying that this supersedes any previous agreements. I find it amusing that you could make a personal bet (on anything "concerning the Service"--say, when the site gets its hundred-thousandth member) with the someone at the company running the thing, and if there were such a clause, your joining the site would suddenly mean that the bet was off. Okay, yeah, conflict of interest in this example, but on the other hand I could have said it was a bet on what some random user would do. Okay, fine, still conflict of interest based on chaos theory.
I thought about joining this site. And like all good users of the internets, I read through the end-user license agreement/terms of use/terms of service/ToS/Tales of Symphonia before signing up for the service.
Unexpectedly, this became a source of great entertainment.
POINT THE FIRST
"elcome to MyAnimeList.net (the "Site"), a website and online service that is owned by a division of AtomicOnline, LLC ("Company" "we," or "us"). This page explains the terms by which you may use our service. By accessing or using the Site's services, website and software provided through or in connection with the service ("Service")..."
"Site grants you permission to use the Service as set forth in this Agreement, provided that: (i) you will not copy, distribute, or disclose any part of the Service in any medium;..."
Based on this, and assuming that "disclosing" means "giving information about"...this means that, in order to lawfully use this website, I had better not talk about it with anyone.
Or I can conveniently misinterpret "medium" to refer to spiritual channelers and the like.
POINT THE SECOND
"You agree not to post User Content that: (i) may create a risk of harm, loss, physical or mental injury, emotional distress, death, disability, disfigurement, or physical or mental illness to you, to any other person, or to any animal;..."
I had better not post negative reviews of Naruto on this site.
"...(ii) may create a risk of any other loss or damage to any person or property;..."
I had better not post negative reviews of Naruto on this site.
"...(iii) may constitute or contribute to a crime or tort;..."
I had BETTER not post negative reviews of Naruto on this site.
"...(iv) contains any information or content that we deem to be unlawful, harmful, abusive, racially or ethnically offensive, defamatory, infringing, invasive of personal privacy or publicity rights, harassing, humiliating to other people (publicly or otherwise), libelous, threatening, or otherwise objectionable;..."
I had REALLY BETTER not post negative reviews of Naruto on this site.
POINT THE SECOND PLUS ONE COUNT OF THE IMAGINARY UNIT
"...(v) contains any information or content that is illegal;..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmQFcVR6vEs
POINT THE THIRD
"...(vii) contains any information or content that you know is not correct..."
1. Crap, I've got to use my real name here! And the people will know that I'm actually the humanoid form of a REDACTED!!
2. Looks like there's no hiding my having seen several episodes of Sailor Moon in my youth...
3. I had better not contradict the Naruto fans.
POINT THE FOURTH
"For the purposes of this Agreement, "Intellectual Property Rights" means all patent rights, copyright rights, mask work rights, moral rights, rights of publicity, trademark, trade dress and service mark rights, goodwill,"
...wait, "moral rights"? Someone please tell me if that seriously exists in legal systems. And what they are. I mean, I can kinda see the term "goodwill" being used in a legal code, but...
POINT THE FIFTH
"You understand and acknowledge that you may be exposed to User Content that is inaccurate, offensive, indecent, or objectionable, and you agree that Company shall not be liable for any damages you allege to incur as a result of such User Content."
Well, darn. I can't sue them when angry Naruto fans find out my real name and come after me!
POINT THE SIXTH
"Except as explicitly provided herein, nothing in this Agreement shall be deemed to create a license in or under any such Intellectual Property Rights, and you agree not to sell, license, rent, modify, distribute, copy, reproduce, transmit, publicly display, publicly perform, publish, adapt, edit or create derivative works from any materials or content accessible on the Service."
Looks like I'm still not allowed to talk about the site.
POINT THE SEVENTH
"By using the Service, you are consenting to have your personal data transferred to and processed in the United States."
IN AMERICA!
POINT THE EIGHTH
"TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY APPLICABLE LAW, IN NO EVENT SHALL COMPANY, ITS AFFILIATES, DIRECTORS, EMPLOYEES OR ITS LICENSORS BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, PUNITIVE, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF PROFITS, GOODWILL, USE, DATA OR OTHER INTANGIBLE LOSSES, THAT RESULT FROM THE USE OF, OR INABILITY TO USE, THIS SERVICE."
Correction:
To the maximum extent permitted by applicable law, in no event shall Company, its affiliates, directors, employees, employees' spouses or children or pets or close relatives, or its licensors be liable for any direct, indirect, punitive, incidental, special, consequential, exemplary, transcendental, rational, irrational, fantastic, realistic, defenestrative, demonstrative, connotative, denotative, consonant, dissonant, assonant, asinine, porcine, bovine, divine, diatonic, chromatic, or housatonic, damages, including with limitation damages for loss of profits, goodwill, use, data, save game files, personal effects such as jewelry and expensive accessories, magical artifacts, scientific samples, legal materials, illegal materials, paralegal materials, juggling pins, bowling pins, flag pins, or other intangible losses, that result from the use of, abuse of, misuse of, mistreatment of, flagrant non-use of, or inability to use, this service.
POINT THE NINTH
"...(II) PERSONAL INJURY OR PROPERTY DAMAGE, OF ANY NATURE WHATSOEVER, RESULTING FROM YOUR ACCESS TO AND USE OF OUR SERVICE;..."
Looks like the tab's on me if I piss off fandoms.
POINT THE TENTH
"Any claim or dispute between you and Company that arises in whole or in part from the Service shall be decided exclusively by a court of competent jurisdiction located in Los Angeles County, California, unless submitted to arbitration as set forth in the following paragraph."
LA Law, people.
POINT THE ELEVENTH
"B. Arbitration. For any claim (excluding claims for injunctive or other equitable relief) under this Agreement where the total amount of the award sought is less than $10,000, the party requesting relief may elect to resolve the dispute through binding non-appearance-based arbitration. The party electing such arbitration shall initiate the arbitration through an established alternative dispute resolution ("ADR") provider mutually agreed upon by the parties. The ADR provider and the parties must comply with the following rules: a) the arbitration shall be conducted by telephone, online and/or be solely based on written submissions, as selected by the party initiating the arbitration; b) the arbitration shall not involve any personal appearance by the parties or witnesses unless otherwise mutually agreed by the parties; and c) any judgment on the award rendered by the arbitrator may be entered in any court of competent jurisdiction."
There has GOT to be some sort of joke I can crack here. Alas, I am too unfamiliar with legal procedure to know what I'm cracking a joke about. Sorry.
I'll try to make an effort anyway: This apparently seems to mean that, if there's some sort of sh** that goes down for which someone gotta pay up ten grand or less (US dollars, presumably), they're open to negotiating by phone, internet, mail, and anything that won't get people face-to-face, and if you drop by to say hi, they...well, I totally don't know legal stuff, but I guess the worst thing that could happen is that they could sue you for dropping by to say hi.
On the other hand, I wonder what a court of incompetent jurisdiction would be like. That might be wording for in case a court or judge decides to go out on a limb and tell the rest of the justice system that it's screwing the rules due to being a court or something.
POINT THE TWELTH
"D. Entire Agreement/Severability. This Agreement, together with any other legal notices and agreements published by Company via the Service, shall constitute the entire agreement between you and Company concerning the Service."
It's not in this terms of use document, but in some other terms of use documents, there's an additional clause saying that this supersedes any previous agreements. I find it amusing that you could make a personal bet (on anything "concerning the Service"--say, when the site gets its hundred-thousandth member) with the someone at the company running the thing, and if there were such a clause, your joining the site would suddenly mean that the bet was off. Okay, yeah, conflict of interest in this example, but on the other hand I could have said it was a bet on what some random user would do. Okay, fine, still conflict of interest based on chaos theory.