ONCE AGAIN....rational thinking kicks in and my battle between NEEDS and WANTS begins...once again..
Well I am thinking clearer now. I know theres a lot of shit that I need to get right with myself before I can commit to a real realtionship... like I am wanting to do. I need to get a job and I need to think about the important stuff like finishing school...taking the SAT's and finding a college. Theres a lot that I push to the side in order to lead the emotionally insane life that I do so well...
I love being with Mike.
He makes me happy.
But if being with him is making it harder on the both of us maybe theres something here that I need to rethink.
I dont want to be without him. I know that I dont. But if its what is best then I guess we dont get everything that we want. Yet another fairytale is shattered. But fairytales dont come true.
Everything will come to me in time, I know that.
So maybe he isnt the person I will be with forever.
So maybe I am still 17 and I shouldnt be looking for something like this just yet.
Maybe Im just not as ready as I thought I was.
My judgment can be so clouded with thoughts and hopes of being in love.
Yes he means a lot to me.
No I'd really rather not let this go.
But maybe I have to.
Like he told me..."You cant always have everything that you want."
This may just be something I have to release...and try to forget about.
Although it may be hard not to think about how great he makes me feel when I am with him, or how happy it makes me to see him smile, or how good and secure I feel when I am in his arms...
This is gonna be tough.
But nothing comes easy.
At least nothing that is worth having.
I dont know just what to do.
In the morning he will tell me what he wants.
I havent put to the side all the advice my friends have given me.
I do think about what you guys have to say.
But in the end this is between me and him.
It is my own decision to make.
I hope everyone will back me with whatever it is I decide to do.
If it turns out that I cant be with him anymore I am gonna need emotional support.
This really isnt gonna be easy.
I dont quite know where to go with this...
All I know is to be totally honest I do feel completely torn between what is "GOOD FOR ME" what is "PRACTICAL and LOGICAL" and what makes me "HAPPY" and "FEEL GOOD" in the moment...
I wish I could ask for help on this...but its nothing I can be helped with.
Im just glad to know that no matter what I still have friends that will be there for me.
Bc seriously....Im gonna need you guys....badly.
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I love being with Mike.
He makes me happy.
But if being with him is making it harder on the both of us maybe theres something here that I need to rethink.
I dont want to be without him. I know that I dont. But if its what is best then I guess we dont get everything that we want. Yet another fairytale is shattered. But fairytales dont come true.
Everything will come to me in time, I know that.
So maybe he isnt the person I will be with forever.
So maybe I am still 17 and I shouldnt be looking for something like this just yet.
Maybe Im just not as ready as I thought I was.
My judgment can be so clouded with thoughts and hopes of being in love.
Yes he means a lot to me.
No I'd really rather not let this go.
But maybe I have to.
Like he told me..."You cant always have everything that you want."
This may just be something I have to release...and try to forget about.
Although it may be hard not to think about how great he makes me feel when I am with him, or how happy it makes me to see him smile, or how good and secure I feel when I am in his arms...
This is gonna be tough.
But nothing comes easy.
At least nothing that is worth having.
I dont know just what to do.
In the morning he will tell me what he wants.
I havent put to the side all the advice my friends have given me.
I do think about what you guys have to say.
But in the end this is between me and him.
It is my own decision to make.
I hope everyone will back me with whatever it is I decide to do.
If it turns out that I cant be with him anymore I am gonna need emotional support.
This really isnt gonna be easy.
I dont quite know where to go with this...
All I know is to be totally honest I do feel completely torn between what is "GOOD FOR ME" what is "PRACTICAL and LOGICAL" and what makes me "HAPPY" and "FEEL GOOD" in the moment...
I wish I could ask for help on this...but its nothing I can be helped with.
Im just glad to know that no matter what I still have friends that will be there for me.
Bc seriously....Im gonna need you guys....badly.
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes