PLEASE READ THIS
There has been a lot of things going through my mind lately. I was reading my book just now (Mere Christianity) and I felt God tugging on me to write about all these things into my journal of hope that someone may be effected possitively by them.
I don't know exactly where to start, but I guess if I start with my troubles, there might not be trouble sorting through my thoughts and organizing the line of how they come out..
I have been majorly brought down by Satan lately, not that he's to blame. I should say that I have been brought down by my own disobedience to God lately. I have been giving in to earthly nature and shutting him out, going on about my own agenda, leaving him with none of my so over-deserved attention. I think I would like to say that my attention to him would be so unnecessary that theres no reason for me to exist, but that's not true. It's not true in the aspect that my body and actions, even though being so completely worthless without obedience to the Lord, could be made worth out of BY the Lord. My attention to him could be helpful to the world around me and I am called to give that help as long as I am stuck here away from my real home (heaven). I am nothing, I am a mere speck of sand on the beach compared to the ocean, that is, God. I am dried out and thirsty because I haven't been praying and I haven't been reading any scriptures. I haven't even tried to contact the Lord in any way. At least not in any way that has replenished me to a good amount. Also I have found that since I have been weak towards a couple things out of disobedience, that also I have grown much weaker in many other things because of the starting disobediences. It's a domino effect that just keeps me feeling spiritually hungry and emotionally unstable. I am constantly called by God, "Alex put down your skateboard, your remote, your guitar and listen to me. Drop your agenda so that I can give you strength. Drop your agenda so that I can give you strength to ask me to give you strength." I haven't been making it a point to seek the Lord and let him make worth out of me.
I read about this part in my book where the author says there is a part inside of us that is self-centered and when we are exploited to the good news and the demands that God gives us for the worlds sake, that part of us fights God with all its might because God wants to kill that part in us. This happens all over and the part of me that God delights in, really is sick of the world being like this. I am sick of being selfish. I am sick of reality shows that feed the world unhealthy entertainment (cheap drama, sex, and lies). I hate that we find these things so entertaining. I hate that we are naturally drawn to feed on other peoples pain in order to pacify our own pain. I hate that we cannot just do what God wants us to do, what he PROMISES will take care of our pain. He tells us to seek him, to not worry about anything, but instead pray about everything, but we are too stubborn for even that...
My mother has just recently accepted God into her heart and I am so proud of her and so happy that she will be making it to the finish line someday, but I have not given her the best support in our home. I have been lazy with going to church with her. I have been lazy in talking to her about God. I have been lazy with grabbing her hand and pulling her along in the race we are both in. (the race where we are not supposed to be competative, but be mutual supports to our brothers and sisters who are in the same group of lanes). My mother is the strongest woman I know and she deserves a son that cares about and appreciates her much more than I do. I love my mother, but I also wish that I loved her to the point where my eyes would flood every time I thought that maybe she might not make it home.
I have been trying to write this song for the band, but never find the words to finish it. It's about how we pretend to be stupid, how we pretend like we can't even hear God. I say in the song that the way we create major flaws are by disobeying the human law that God gives us without having to learn it. He gave us the law when we were begotten by our parents. The song is actually called Not as Stupid as I Wish to be.
I have also been writing and song for the band or maybe even just for myself, but if it was just for myself, I would be acting selfish not to share it with others. It's called From a Distance.
just because you watch from a distance, doesnt mean you cant see the worlds catastrophes
you're down here lending a shoulder lending a hand
but our blindfolding actions keep us from crying on it, from holding onto it
because we cant grip the reasons for your every demand
You're everything
You're everything to me
I have come, I have been given birth to serve, to worship
And I realize I was not meant for this world
Press on. Press on. Take on what you've been dealt.
And encourage your family to continue the march
Father humble me, father teach me the steps to take
Father to take faith and let you give strength so i can reach the surface
Father I admit you can take care of it, you won't hesitate
Father I disobey and run away, but you let me come home. You let me come home.
And it gets across that I was made by you and for you
I
=====
I
I
Anyways... back to my thoughts lately...
I also have been thinking about this. I read peoples profiles online and see all the rabble about BFF's and BF's and GF's and how dearly people hold other people. I think this is good. I think it's great to care this much about others. I also thought about how often I see this happen with "best-friendships" (more often with girls than boys and the majority of people could aggree, but thats besides the point):
a group of kids will often hang out, watch movies, go shopping, have sleepovers, etc always always together for a period of time and claim to be "BFF's" - best friends forever - but then be close to the opposite later on in the year after they have told many people that "oh I can go to them about anything at anytime and they will just help me and give me advice and be the best friend ever and I love them so much and we will always be there for eachother, blah blah blah and so on." God knows we have all done this before -and if you haven't ever done this, you rule- but it doesn't change the fact that this act arouses great anger within me. We throw around claims to be best friends and completely reliable to another person forever and ever, but then fall short of this claim. It's thrown around just as much as the three seemingly simple words that almost always end up hurting a heart or two (I love you). I wish we could all stop relying SO much on other human beings for comfort, friendship, and advice. I have even put way too much reliance on my girlfriend and my friends to help me when I have everything I honestly need right with me (Bible, God, the Holy Spirit).
Another thing that has me thinking...
Today is thanksgiving and soon is Christmas...
Thanksgiving is a time of obviously giving thanks. The thought runs through my mind that, aren't we supposed to be always thankful and giving thanks of the things we already have. Why do we have a holiday to specialize in that as if one day a year is enough thanks to cover everything.
Christmas is a controversal holiday to me. Christmas has transformed into something that is completely opposite to what God would want. It has transformed into a holiday where everyone ends up stressing about buying things, grocery shopping, and being with family when they don't enjoy their families much in the first place. I know that this holiday has made people feel the need to be fake and act jolly when they are nothing but in such stressful times. I wish Christmas was a day to say "Hey Jesus. I know that we don't know when you're real birthday is, but Happy flipping Birthday Jesus. You are so awesome for doing what you did almost 2005 years ago and I can't wait to be with you someday." I also wish maybe we could stay in and enjoy family if we wanted to, but more importantly, reflect on Jesus Christ and his life (just as we always should anyway) and not worry about buying things for other people, because I actually believe we are already spoiled with gifts that God has given us.
(note that this entry may not be how you feel, but this is where I am coming from)
I guess I will just close up the entry with saying these things.
1) If you have found Christ. Awesome. Do whatever you can to seek Him in all things. Don't waste your time being sorry for yourself after falling over your own bad choices. If you fall, God has given you the ability to GET UP, BRUSH IT OFF, AND KEEP MOVING. This doesn't mean to ignore the fact that you made a bad choice. God will always help you if you seek Him with a heart that really wants his help. (note: you will find things that you cannot take on by yourself. Everyone needs the help of God because he knows how to take on anything. Let him teach you how.
2) If you haven't found Christ. That's ok. Don't get discouraged if you haven't made it there yet. He's there and I promise that he loves you, want to be with you, and wants to help you. It takes a certain amount of time to find Him, or in a sense to cleanse your heart so that you can see him right in front of you, but any amount of time is worth waiting for the Lord to be visible.
3) If you haven't found Christ and you really could care less about finding Christ. I must say I know how you feel. I was once just like you. I even hated God. I hated the thought of Him because he is so powerful and he wouldn't approve of my behavior. He still doesn't approve of most of mine and everyone elses behavior because of the fact that we are naturally sinners. But I really honestly don't know how to say anything more meaningful to say this, but choosing God is the best choice I have ever made.
I don't know how to get it through to people who don't want anything to do with God, but just think about this.
I'm not getting paid to tell you about God. I'm not getting anything out of it. The reason why I tell people about God is for THEM to get something out of it. Hopefully eternal life and love from God.
I wish I could do more to help you.
I am broken right now and I hope you learn from my experience.
I will talk to anyone who wishes me to.
I don't know exactly where to start, but I guess if I start with my troubles, there might not be trouble sorting through my thoughts and organizing the line of how they come out..
I have been majorly brought down by Satan lately, not that he's to blame. I should say that I have been brought down by my own disobedience to God lately. I have been giving in to earthly nature and shutting him out, going on about my own agenda, leaving him with none of my so over-deserved attention. I think I would like to say that my attention to him would be so unnecessary that theres no reason for me to exist, but that's not true. It's not true in the aspect that my body and actions, even though being so completely worthless without obedience to the Lord, could be made worth out of BY the Lord. My attention to him could be helpful to the world around me and I am called to give that help as long as I am stuck here away from my real home (heaven). I am nothing, I am a mere speck of sand on the beach compared to the ocean, that is, God. I am dried out and thirsty because I haven't been praying and I haven't been reading any scriptures. I haven't even tried to contact the Lord in any way. At least not in any way that has replenished me to a good amount. Also I have found that since I have been weak towards a couple things out of disobedience, that also I have grown much weaker in many other things because of the starting disobediences. It's a domino effect that just keeps me feeling spiritually hungry and emotionally unstable. I am constantly called by God, "Alex put down your skateboard, your remote, your guitar and listen to me. Drop your agenda so that I can give you strength. Drop your agenda so that I can give you strength to ask me to give you strength." I haven't been making it a point to seek the Lord and let him make worth out of me.
I read about this part in my book where the author says there is a part inside of us that is self-centered and when we are exploited to the good news and the demands that God gives us for the worlds sake, that part of us fights God with all its might because God wants to kill that part in us. This happens all over and the part of me that God delights in, really is sick of the world being like this. I am sick of being selfish. I am sick of reality shows that feed the world unhealthy entertainment (cheap drama, sex, and lies). I hate that we find these things so entertaining. I hate that we are naturally drawn to feed on other peoples pain in order to pacify our own pain. I hate that we cannot just do what God wants us to do, what he PROMISES will take care of our pain. He tells us to seek him, to not worry about anything, but instead pray about everything, but we are too stubborn for even that...
My mother has just recently accepted God into her heart and I am so proud of her and so happy that she will be making it to the finish line someday, but I have not given her the best support in our home. I have been lazy with going to church with her. I have been lazy in talking to her about God. I have been lazy with grabbing her hand and pulling her along in the race we are both in. (the race where we are not supposed to be competative, but be mutual supports to our brothers and sisters who are in the same group of lanes). My mother is the strongest woman I know and she deserves a son that cares about and appreciates her much more than I do. I love my mother, but I also wish that I loved her to the point where my eyes would flood every time I thought that maybe she might not make it home.
I have been trying to write this song for the band, but never find the words to finish it. It's about how we pretend to be stupid, how we pretend like we can't even hear God. I say in the song that the way we create major flaws are by disobeying the human law that God gives us without having to learn it. He gave us the law when we were begotten by our parents. The song is actually called Not as Stupid as I Wish to be.
I have also been writing and song for the band or maybe even just for myself, but if it was just for myself, I would be acting selfish not to share it with others. It's called From a Distance.
just because you watch from a distance, doesnt mean you cant see the worlds catastrophes
you're down here lending a shoulder lending a hand
but our blindfolding actions keep us from crying on it, from holding onto it
because we cant grip the reasons for your every demand
You're everything
You're everything to me
I have come, I have been given birth to serve, to worship
And I realize I was not meant for this world
Press on. Press on. Take on what you've been dealt.
And encourage your family to continue the march
Father humble me, father teach me the steps to take
Father to take faith and let you give strength so i can reach the surface
Father I admit you can take care of it, you won't hesitate
Father I disobey and run away, but you let me come home. You let me come home.
And it gets across that I was made by you and for you
I
=====
I
I
Anyways... back to my thoughts lately...
I also have been thinking about this. I read peoples profiles online and see all the rabble about BFF's and BF's and GF's and how dearly people hold other people. I think this is good. I think it's great to care this much about others. I also thought about how often I see this happen with "best-friendships" (more often with girls than boys and the majority of people could aggree, but thats besides the point):
a group of kids will often hang out, watch movies, go shopping, have sleepovers, etc always always together for a period of time and claim to be "BFF's" - best friends forever - but then be close to the opposite later on in the year after they have told many people that "oh I can go to them about anything at anytime and they will just help me and give me advice and be the best friend ever and I love them so much and we will always be there for eachother, blah blah blah and so on." God knows we have all done this before -and if you haven't ever done this, you rule- but it doesn't change the fact that this act arouses great anger within me. We throw around claims to be best friends and completely reliable to another person forever and ever, but then fall short of this claim. It's thrown around just as much as the three seemingly simple words that almost always end up hurting a heart or two (I love you). I wish we could all stop relying SO much on other human beings for comfort, friendship, and advice. I have even put way too much reliance on my girlfriend and my friends to help me when I have everything I honestly need right with me (Bible, God, the Holy Spirit).
Another thing that has me thinking...
Today is thanksgiving and soon is Christmas...
Thanksgiving is a time of obviously giving thanks. The thought runs through my mind that, aren't we supposed to be always thankful and giving thanks of the things we already have. Why do we have a holiday to specialize in that as if one day a year is enough thanks to cover everything.
Christmas is a controversal holiday to me. Christmas has transformed into something that is completely opposite to what God would want. It has transformed into a holiday where everyone ends up stressing about buying things, grocery shopping, and being with family when they don't enjoy their families much in the first place. I know that this holiday has made people feel the need to be fake and act jolly when they are nothing but in such stressful times. I wish Christmas was a day to say "Hey Jesus. I know that we don't know when you're real birthday is, but Happy flipping Birthday Jesus. You are so awesome for doing what you did almost 2005 years ago and I can't wait to be with you someday." I also wish maybe we could stay in and enjoy family if we wanted to, but more importantly, reflect on Jesus Christ and his life (just as we always should anyway) and not worry about buying things for other people, because I actually believe we are already spoiled with gifts that God has given us.
(note that this entry may not be how you feel, but this is where I am coming from)
I guess I will just close up the entry with saying these things.
1) If you have found Christ. Awesome. Do whatever you can to seek Him in all things. Don't waste your time being sorry for yourself after falling over your own bad choices. If you fall, God has given you the ability to GET UP, BRUSH IT OFF, AND KEEP MOVING. This doesn't mean to ignore the fact that you made a bad choice. God will always help you if you seek Him with a heart that really wants his help. (note: you will find things that you cannot take on by yourself. Everyone needs the help of God because he knows how to take on anything. Let him teach you how.
2) If you haven't found Christ. That's ok. Don't get discouraged if you haven't made it there yet. He's there and I promise that he loves you, want to be with you, and wants to help you. It takes a certain amount of time to find Him, or in a sense to cleanse your heart so that you can see him right in front of you, but any amount of time is worth waiting for the Lord to be visible.
3) If you haven't found Christ and you really could care less about finding Christ. I must say I know how you feel. I was once just like you. I even hated God. I hated the thought of Him because he is so powerful and he wouldn't approve of my behavior. He still doesn't approve of most of mine and everyone elses behavior because of the fact that we are naturally sinners. But I really honestly don't know how to say anything more meaningful to say this, but choosing God is the best choice I have ever made.
I don't know how to get it through to people who don't want anything to do with God, but just think about this.
I'm not getting paid to tell you about God. I'm not getting anything out of it. The reason why I tell people about God is for THEM to get something out of it. Hopefully eternal life and love from God.
I wish I could do more to help you.
I am broken right now and I hope you learn from my experience.
I will talk to anyone who wishes me to.