ST FIC - if you want love we'll make it (Kirk/McCoy)
Title: if you want love we'll make it
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: NC-17
Genre: H/C
Beta: elfsausage Thanks! *hugs*
A/N: This is the same scene as this one, but from McCoy's POV. So this part also goes with these pictures from a while back at jim_and_bones. I'm letting this one cover 'panic attacks' on my hc_bingocard.
Jim’s mouth is a treat, a pleasure to taste, apples and cinnamon; a dessert meant to savor, too luxurious to binge on. Leonard can’t get enough of it, lets his tongue glide between those full lips and tastes, cherishes the wet heat with careful slides of his tongue.
He cradles Jim’s face with his hands, feels the smooth shaven skin of Jim’s cheeks and the soft short hair between his fingertips. Jim’s tongue is sweet and pliant against his now, and maybe Jim’s finally given up, won’t try to force this in a direction Leonard doesn’t want it to go.
He can see it in Jim’s face, the confusion, like Jim’s waiting for Leonard to get bored with this, and because Leonard doesn’t (and never will) he tries to jumpstart them, writhing on the bed and moaning encouragingly, all theatrics. Leonard doesn’t want Jim like that, not anymore, not for a while now, and Jim doesn’t either, whatever he might tell himself. Jim hides it well, all bluster and innuendo, but he stares at Leonard’s hands with longing, looks at his face with a rapt desire not compatible with his constant suggestions of raunchy exploits.
So Leonard kisses him, until Jim goes limp beneath him, a moment’s triumph, and he lets one of his hands slide behind Jim’s head, tightens his fingers just a little bit in Jim’s hair. Leonard lets his other hand travel down over Jim’s pectorals, as Jim leans back into him, lets him, and by now Jim’s lips look undeniably delicious, lush and red, so he sucks on them a little, feels Jim’s breath hot against his skin.
Jim is kissing back hesitantly now, uncertain little pecks, and he’s thinking about it too much, Leonard can feel his muscles go taut with tension.
“Jim,” he murmurs, pressing a light kiss to his chin, “Relax, darlin.”, and Jim’s entire body jerks, and his eyes squeeze shut, cheeks staining red, and Leonard stares at him for a moment, mesmerized by the beauty of it, Jim so captured by just one word. His heart tightens as he watches Jim bask in it, all the while trying very hard not to, wound up so tight, and all Leonard wants to do is hold him close until he’s used to this, used to being loved. He ghosts his fingers over Jim’s ribcage and down past his bellybutton, brushes his knuckles over Jim’s pubis, runs his fingers through the light soft curls there.
“Just relax.” he whispers roughly, “Everything’s fine.”, as he wraps his hand around Jim’s cock loosely, hot and slick and full, and Jim gasps, a startled little sound. Jim thrusts up into his hand desperately, like he thinks Leonard might take his hand away, and Leonard tightens his hand pointedly, strokes along with the artless movements of Jim’s hips.
Jim’s face is open, disbelief and pleasure, his lips parted and his eyes wide, staring at Leonard helplessly, desperately, and Leonard wants Jim to know, wants those goddamn eyes of his to shine with the certainty that Leonard will always have him, the knowledge that he’s precious to someone in the world.
“There you go, so gorgeous,” he whispers lovingly, before kissing him again, swallowing Jim’s hitched breaths and moans, kissing him through his orgasm as he catches Jim’s come in his palm, warm and slick, only pulls back a millimeter to tell Jim to spread his legs, which he does, immediately, with sluggish deliberation.
Leonard pushes his index finger inside slowly, the tight muscle already relaxing, opening up for the rest of Leonard’s fingers, slicking Jim up inside and getting him ready for his cock. Jim is moaning, a quiet stream of oh and yes, not even aware he doing it. It’s beautiful, amazing, and Leonard guides his dick inside Jim’s hole, pushes deep and moans at the feel of it, so hot and narrow around him.
He rocks his hips at a slow pace, wants to make it last, crouches down low over Jim’s body so he can shelter him, lifts Jim’s leg to wrap around him so he can get as close as possible. He’s as tender as he wants to be, doesn’t hold back at all, cradles Jim’s head and kisses him everywhere he can reach, his lips, jaw, throat, pours his adoration into every touch.
Abruptly, Leonard knows something’s very very wrong; Jim’s tensing up, shaking, and not even nearly in a good way. He’s pushing at Leonard’s shoulders, a clear signal - off - and Leonard’s heart pounds hard in his chest, because Jim looks wrecked, gasping, ‘nonono. Wait. Stop, wait. Don’t -’ in a broken voice.
Leonard pulls out immediately, and Jim lets out an anguished gasp as his hands fly to his face, hiding, and Leonard has to see his face, because Jim doesn’t talk, doesn’t ever say what he wants, and all Leonard has is his expression to go on, to know how he can make it better. And Jim is hyperventilating, so scared, and something ugly grows in Leonard’s chest, a burning hate for everyone who’s ever emptily promised Jim anything.
“It’s okay,” he whispers, wrapping Jim up in his arms, shifting them on their sides, because this is the most important thing right now, and he tells Jim softly to calm down, running his fingers through his thick hair until Jim does, his breathing slowly but surely slowing down.
Leonard tells him quietly not to hide his face, to look at him, but Jim doesn’t, shaking his hand, and his voice is muffled by his palms but Leonard can hear him, “… don’t deserve…so stupid.”, and Leonard’s arm tightens around his quaking shoulders involuntarily, presses his forehead to Jim’s, willing him to hear him, listen to him, that he’s not stupid, and he wants to see Jim’s face, darlin, please.
“It’s just me,” he promises, “And I love you, I do. You believe me?”
Jim nods, thankfully, but he tells his hands quietly, “…doesn’t have to mean anything.”, and Leonard will spend the rest of his life convincing Jim that it means everything, starting right now.
“It means I want to see you, Jim. All the time I want to look at you and talk to you and take care of you. And that won’t ever go away.”, and he takes Jim wrist cautiously, tugs it away. Jim lets him, stares up at Leonard, eyes painfully vulnerable, and hopeful, and Leonard thinks that’s a good start.
End
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: NC-17
Genre: H/C
Beta: elfsausage Thanks! *hugs*
A/N: This is the same scene as this one, but from McCoy's POV. So this part also goes with these pictures from a while back at jim_and_bones. I'm letting this one cover 'panic attacks' on my hc_bingocard.
Jim’s mouth is a treat, a pleasure to taste, apples and cinnamon; a dessert meant to savor, too luxurious to binge on. Leonard can’t get enough of it, lets his tongue glide between those full lips and tastes, cherishes the wet heat with careful slides of his tongue.
He cradles Jim’s face with his hands, feels the smooth shaven skin of Jim’s cheeks and the soft short hair between his fingertips. Jim’s tongue is sweet and pliant against his now, and maybe Jim’s finally given up, won’t try to force this in a direction Leonard doesn’t want it to go.
He can see it in Jim’s face, the confusion, like Jim’s waiting for Leonard to get bored with this, and because Leonard doesn’t (and never will) he tries to jumpstart them, writhing on the bed and moaning encouragingly, all theatrics. Leonard doesn’t want Jim like that, not anymore, not for a while now, and Jim doesn’t either, whatever he might tell himself. Jim hides it well, all bluster and innuendo, but he stares at Leonard’s hands with longing, looks at his face with a rapt desire not compatible with his constant suggestions of raunchy exploits.
So Leonard kisses him, until Jim goes limp beneath him, a moment’s triumph, and he lets one of his hands slide behind Jim’s head, tightens his fingers just a little bit in Jim’s hair. Leonard lets his other hand travel down over Jim’s pectorals, as Jim leans back into him, lets him, and by now Jim’s lips look undeniably delicious, lush and red, so he sucks on them a little, feels Jim’s breath hot against his skin.
Jim is kissing back hesitantly now, uncertain little pecks, and he’s thinking about it too much, Leonard can feel his muscles go taut with tension.
“Jim,” he murmurs, pressing a light kiss to his chin, “Relax, darlin.”, and Jim’s entire body jerks, and his eyes squeeze shut, cheeks staining red, and Leonard stares at him for a moment, mesmerized by the beauty of it, Jim so captured by just one word. His heart tightens as he watches Jim bask in it, all the while trying very hard not to, wound up so tight, and all Leonard wants to do is hold him close until he’s used to this, used to being loved. He ghosts his fingers over Jim’s ribcage and down past his bellybutton, brushes his knuckles over Jim’s pubis, runs his fingers through the light soft curls there.
“Just relax.” he whispers roughly, “Everything’s fine.”, as he wraps his hand around Jim’s cock loosely, hot and slick and full, and Jim gasps, a startled little sound. Jim thrusts up into his hand desperately, like he thinks Leonard might take his hand away, and Leonard tightens his hand pointedly, strokes along with the artless movements of Jim’s hips.
Jim’s face is open, disbelief and pleasure, his lips parted and his eyes wide, staring at Leonard helplessly, desperately, and Leonard wants Jim to know, wants those goddamn eyes of his to shine with the certainty that Leonard will always have him, the knowledge that he’s precious to someone in the world.
“There you go, so gorgeous,” he whispers lovingly, before kissing him again, swallowing Jim’s hitched breaths and moans, kissing him through his orgasm as he catches Jim’s come in his palm, warm and slick, only pulls back a millimeter to tell Jim to spread his legs, which he does, immediately, with sluggish deliberation.
Leonard pushes his index finger inside slowly, the tight muscle already relaxing, opening up for the rest of Leonard’s fingers, slicking Jim up inside and getting him ready for his cock. Jim is moaning, a quiet stream of oh and yes, not even aware he doing it. It’s beautiful, amazing, and Leonard guides his dick inside Jim’s hole, pushes deep and moans at the feel of it, so hot and narrow around him.
He rocks his hips at a slow pace, wants to make it last, crouches down low over Jim’s body so he can shelter him, lifts Jim’s leg to wrap around him so he can get as close as possible. He’s as tender as he wants to be, doesn’t hold back at all, cradles Jim’s head and kisses him everywhere he can reach, his lips, jaw, throat, pours his adoration into every touch.
Abruptly, Leonard knows something’s very very wrong; Jim’s tensing up, shaking, and not even nearly in a good way. He’s pushing at Leonard’s shoulders, a clear signal - off - and Leonard’s heart pounds hard in his chest, because Jim looks wrecked, gasping, ‘nonono. Wait. Stop, wait. Don’t -’ in a broken voice.
Leonard pulls out immediately, and Jim lets out an anguished gasp as his hands fly to his face, hiding, and Leonard has to see his face, because Jim doesn’t talk, doesn’t ever say what he wants, and all Leonard has is his expression to go on, to know how he can make it better. And Jim is hyperventilating, so scared, and something ugly grows in Leonard’s chest, a burning hate for everyone who’s ever emptily promised Jim anything.
“It’s okay,” he whispers, wrapping Jim up in his arms, shifting them on their sides, because this is the most important thing right now, and he tells Jim softly to calm down, running his fingers through his thick hair until Jim does, his breathing slowly but surely slowing down.
Leonard tells him quietly not to hide his face, to look at him, but Jim doesn’t, shaking his hand, and his voice is muffled by his palms but Leonard can hear him, “… don’t deserve…so stupid.”, and Leonard’s arm tightens around his quaking shoulders involuntarily, presses his forehead to Jim’s, willing him to hear him, listen to him, that he’s not stupid, and he wants to see Jim’s face, darlin, please.
“It’s just me,” he promises, “And I love you, I do. You believe me?”
Jim nods, thankfully, but he tells his hands quietly, “…doesn’t have to mean anything.”, and Leonard will spend the rest of his life convincing Jim that it means everything, starting right now.
“It means I want to see you, Jim. All the time I want to look at you and talk to you and take care of you. And that won’t ever go away.”, and he takes Jim wrist cautiously, tugs it away. Jim lets him, stares up at Leonard, eyes painfully vulnerable, and hopeful, and Leonard thinks that’s a good start.
End