AHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They Tried To Kill Us (We Survived, Let's Eat)
(words & music by Sean Altman & Rob Tannenbaum)
We were slaves to pharaoh in Egypt
The year was 1492
Hitler had just invaded Poland
Madonna had just become a Jew
Moses was found on the Potomac
Then he marched with Martin Luther King
He came back to free us from our bondage
'Cause S&M has never been our thing
They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet
So they chase us to the border
There's a parting of the water
Tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
Then the Pharaoh, who looked like Yul Bruyner
Heard the Jews were trying to escape
Charlton Heston came right down from the mountain
He said, "Pharaoh, you're a damn dirty ape"
The menorah was almost out of oil
Farrakhan was planning Kristalnacht
The gefitle fish was nearing extinction
It looked like Moses and his flock were fehrkakt
They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet
And we knew how to resist
'Cause we'd rented Schindler's List
Tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
The 10 Egyptian plagues
1. Blood
2. Locusts
3. Boils
4. Dandruff
5. Acne
6. Backne
7. Piles
8. Cataracts
9. Sciatica
10. Sickle cell anemia
We fled on foot, there was no time to tarry
Leavening the bread would take too long
All we had was egg foo yung and matzoh
While battling the fearsome Viet Cong
And so tonight, we gather to remember
The ancient Hebrews who paid the price
We have a Seder, every year in December
To commemorate our savior, Jesus Christ
They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet
So we never did succumb to the annual pogrom
Tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet
So come on, blow the shofar
'Cause they haven't nailed us so far
Tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
back
Jews For Jesus
(words & music by Sean Altman & Rob Tannenbaum)
I've never been the most observant jew
After my bar mitzvah I was through
I've disobeyed the code of Abraham
I've eaten several shiksas and some ham
But as bad as I have been
I still would never dream
Of foresaking my forefathers
And playing for the other team
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
When I see you my mind just freezes
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
Stink as bad as rotten cheeses
And just to show you who's the boss
I'd really like to nail you to the cross
Jews for Jesus
Your shirt of blue emblazoned with a star
Filthy turncoat - that is what you are
You offer me a pamphlet - I decline
I'd rather jam a broom up your behind
Like mayonnaise on rye
You make your bubbe cry
Go get your foreskin reattached
It's time for you to die
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
I wanna wanna chop you into pieces
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
I hope you get lots of diseases
Traded in Purim for the Pentecost
I'd really like to nail you to the cross
Jews for Jesus
"Jew for Jesus" - the phrase is pure deceit
It's like being a vegetarian for meat
I'd gladly baptize you in my toilet
For you, just like the bowl, are full of shit
Let's take him to the lake outside of town
You'd better walk on water or you'll drown
You're born again - that's nice
Stay dead - that's my advice
If Jesus resurrects you, great!
I get to kill you twice
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
On Christmas day do ya eat Chineses
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
I'd wanna wanna toss you from trapezes
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
These two things are antitheseses
Time for you to learn about the Holocaust
While I nail you to the cross
Jews for Jesus
(words & music by Sean Altman & Rob Tannenbaum)
We were slaves to pharaoh in Egypt
The year was 1492
Hitler had just invaded Poland
Madonna had just become a Jew
Moses was found on the Potomac
Then he marched with Martin Luther King
He came back to free us from our bondage
'Cause S&M has never been our thing
They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet
So they chase us to the border
There's a parting of the water
Tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
Then the Pharaoh, who looked like Yul Bruyner
Heard the Jews were trying to escape
Charlton Heston came right down from the mountain
He said, "Pharaoh, you're a damn dirty ape"
The menorah was almost out of oil
Farrakhan was planning Kristalnacht
The gefitle fish was nearing extinction
It looked like Moses and his flock were fehrkakt
They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet
And we knew how to resist
'Cause we'd rented Schindler's List
Tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
The 10 Egyptian plagues
1. Blood
2. Locusts
3. Boils
4. Dandruff
5. Acne
6. Backne
7. Piles
8. Cataracts
9. Sciatica
10. Sickle cell anemia
We fled on foot, there was no time to tarry
Leavening the bread would take too long
All we had was egg foo yung and matzoh
While battling the fearsome Viet Cong
And so tonight, we gather to remember
The ancient Hebrews who paid the price
We have a Seder, every year in December
To commemorate our savior, Jesus Christ
They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet
So we never did succumb to the annual pogrom
Tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
They tried to kill us, we were faster on our feet
So come on, blow the shofar
'Cause they haven't nailed us so far
Tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat
back
Jews For Jesus
(words & music by Sean Altman & Rob Tannenbaum)
I've never been the most observant jew
After my bar mitzvah I was through
I've disobeyed the code of Abraham
I've eaten several shiksas and some ham
But as bad as I have been
I still would never dream
Of foresaking my forefathers
And playing for the other team
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
When I see you my mind just freezes
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
Stink as bad as rotten cheeses
And just to show you who's the boss
I'd really like to nail you to the cross
Jews for Jesus
Your shirt of blue emblazoned with a star
Filthy turncoat - that is what you are
You offer me a pamphlet - I decline
I'd rather jam a broom up your behind
Like mayonnaise on rye
You make your bubbe cry
Go get your foreskin reattached
It's time for you to die
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
I wanna wanna chop you into pieces
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
I hope you get lots of diseases
Traded in Purim for the Pentecost
I'd really like to nail you to the cross
Jews for Jesus
"Jew for Jesus" - the phrase is pure deceit
It's like being a vegetarian for meat
I'd gladly baptize you in my toilet
For you, just like the bowl, are full of shit
Let's take him to the lake outside of town
You'd better walk on water or you'll drown
You're born again - that's nice
Stay dead - that's my advice
If Jesus resurrects you, great!
I get to kill you twice
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
On Christmas day do ya eat Chineses
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
I'd wanna wanna toss you from trapezes
Jews for Jesus, Jews for Jesus
These two things are antitheseses
Time for you to learn about the Holocaust
While I nail you to the cross
Jews for Jesus