A rooftop in The City, Sunday night
"Nighttime. Probably the best time there is without a sun. Solar eclipses are too brief and you need special glasses to look at where the sun's hiding. Then there's the time after the sun explodes, but the planet's probably too blown up to really enjoy it. Yes, nighttime is the best we have." A silence hung in the air for a full minute.
"Here he stands, The Tick! Protector of this fair city, The City! Watching over the night like an intrepid birdwatcher. Some heroes claim to be the night, but that's just silly. That would be like me claiming to be the brunch. Sure, I do some of my best work during brunch, but it's just the time I work sometimes. And if someone was the night, then I'd be a peeping tom right now when I'm just trying to prevent moonlit crimes and that's just not the way these things go down! So call me a Doubting Thomas, but I don't think anyone really is the night." More silence followed.
If The Tick weren't narrating atop a rooftop tonight, it would be an utterly quiet night. No crime, no citizens in need, not even a tiny little natural disaster! It was one of those nights where it just didn't seem worth it to put in time protecting people because nobody needed protecting!
A voice that belonged to neither The Tick nor his mind changed that.
"Hello, mister?" The Tick turned around. The voice belonged to a young woman in a yellow outfit who happened to be carrying some ninja weapons. "Hey, listen," she said. "You'd better get out of here."
"Why?" The Tick asked. "You're not the building super, are you? All complaints about superheroes stalking rooftops are supposed to go straight to City Hall."
"What?" the woman asked. "No. In like two minutes this place will be crawling with ninja!"
"Really?" Tick asked. "Keen! It's been a slow night. I could use a good tussle with ninjas!"
"Listen to me! You've got to get out of here!" the woman yelled as she tried to shove The Tick towards the roof access stairs.
"Hey now, calm down," Tick said with perhaps a tinge of glee at the impending fight. "Ninjas aren't dangerous. They're more afraid of you than you are of them."
A shout came from the next roof over. "Oedipus! Give us the Th..." The shouting ninja paused. He turned back to his fellow ninjas and a grave murmuring could be heard as the ninjas conferred. Finally the shouting ninja turned around again. "Excuse me, are you The Tick?"
"Yep!" The Tick answered. "Are you guys ninjas?"
The ninjas huddled up again. After a few moments, the shouting ninja answered, "Yes. Say, you don't happen to be friends with her, are you?"
"Well, she's a citizen of The City and isn't committing any crimes. I consider everyone in that Venn Diagram to be a friend," The Tick answered.
"But you're not close or anything?" another ninja asked. He was quickly shushed by the shouting ninja. He apparently wanted to keep his position as spokesninja.
"Nope. Just met her," The Tick said.
"If she lives in the suburbs, she's not technically a citizen of The City, right?" the shouting ninja asked.
"Well, the greater City Metropolitan Area still counts, I suppose," The Tick answered.
The ninjas conferred again. "But still, her place on that Venn diagram's a little sketchy?"
"What's a Venn diagram?" the second ninja asked before being shushed again.
"I guess," Tick said. "Look, is there a point to this?"
The ninjas conferred again. "Just checking," was the eventual response. They went back to discussing their options.
"They usually attack by now," the woman told The Tick.
The Tick sighed, then turned toward a chimney. "I'm going to throw a chimney at them," he declared. But before he could rip the masonry from the roof, he heard the woman yell, "THEY'RE ATTACKING!"
The Tick turned around and sure enough there was a tidal wave of ninjas swarming onto the roof. Before he could blink he was once again assaulted with all sorts of sharp objects. "Now this is more like it! SPOOOOOOOOOON!"
It wasn't long at all before all of the ninjas had either been knocked out, thrown off the roof, or retreated to the safety of hiding behind the parapets of other roofs. The Tick dusted himself off, picked a stray shuriken out of his antenna, and said, "I wonder what that's all about."
The woman had watched all of this in wonder. "You're incredible," she said.
"Nay, citizen! I am... THE TICK!" The Tick said. "What's your name, chum?"
"Oedipus. Oedipus Ashley Stevens," the woman said.
"Interesting name."
"Yeah, blame my parents," Oedipus said with a small eyeroll.
"OEDIPUS!" the shouting ninja shouted.
"What do you want, Jerry?" Oedipus yelled back.
Jerry the shouting ninja stood up on the parapet of his original rooftop and delivered a threat that had clearly been practiced. "Ahem. You have not seen the last of us! The ninja have quietly developed their power base to become strong in this city! Our eyes are everywhere! You will not escape!"
The other ninja shouted, "Yeah! That means you too, bug boy!"
Jerry shushed him again. "What, are you kidding, Bill? That guy's The Tick! We don't want to drag him into this!"
Bill whined, "But it sounded cool!"
"You don't get to shout anymore," Jerry declared.
The Tick had gotten tired of all of this shouting and bickering, so he ripped that chimney off the roof and threw it at the ninjas.
*****
After getting away from the ninja-littered rooftops, The Tick and Oedipus found their way to the diner. "So why are there a bunch of ninjas after you?" The Tick asked as coffee was brought to their booth.
"It's a long story," Oedipus said.
"I have time. Speak should still be napping and I already did all the superheroing that's needed tonight," The Tick said.
"Well, if you're sure," Oedipus said. "All across the country there was once a secret order of ninja, infiltrating nearly every college campus as a fraternity called Ninja Ninja Hai."
"Not much of a secret..." The Tick noted.
"I never said it was a good secret," Oedipus said. "But that was years ago. Over time people started to think that pirates were cooler, so Ninja Ninja Hai's membership fell nationwide. The City University is the last foothold the ninja have in America. They mostly just drink beer and watch ESPN now, but when they get sober, they can actually be very deadly. Anyway, I just transferred to TCU last fall and I needed something to do, so I signed up."
The Tick had been Dean of a high school that had both a fraternity and a sorority, so he was slightly confused by that. "Aren't fraternities usually male only?"
"Yeah, but I picked up the ninja stuff fast enough that I could beat up anyone who had an issue with it," Oedipus explained. "So we were having a good time just hanging out and being ninjas for a while, but the guys started turning into big jerks. They let the ninja thing go to their heads. And then one of the guys bought this thing off eBay called the Thorn of Oblivion."
"Sounds... ominous," The Tick said.
"Oh, it is. Apparently this thing holds the souls of all true ninja, the very essence of their being. Any ninja who harnesses the power of the Thorn could theoretically become the strongest ninja the world has ever known," Oedipus said. "And these guys are jerks. I couldn't let them have unlimited power, so I stole it and left Ninja Ninja Hai in order to protect the world. Or at least the campus."
"Sounds reasonable to me," The Tick said. "What are you going to do now? Ninjas are the lamprey of the warrior world. Once they get an goal in their funnel-like sucking mouths, they just don't let go of it until they've sucked all the blood out of that goal!"
Oedipus stared at Tick for a moment as she tried to figure that metaphor out. "Um, I should be safe. It's finals week, so they're either going to be studying, drunk, or both until the weekend."
"Oh, good!" Tick said, reassured. "Do you know what you're doing with the Thorn until then?"
"It's safe. I have finals too, so I can't do anything about it until next weekend," Oedipus considered her options for a moment. "Are you free then? I could use some backup."
"And fight more ninjas?" The Tick asked. "I can always make time for fighting ninjas!"
"Good," Oedipus said, putting money on the table for her coffee. She wrote her address on a napkin and gave it to The Tick. "Then it's a date. And thanks for the help tonight."
"You're welcome!" The Tick said as Oedipus walked out the door. "Did she say 'date'?"
"She did!" Die Fledermaus said as he appeared from seemingly nowhere (but in reality from the booth behind Tick where he had been eavesdropping) and took the seat next to Tick. "Tick, you scored a date with a college girl! Good going, my friend! Does she have any cute friends?"
"Um. I don't know. And I don't think she meant it like that," Tick said.
"Trust me, Tick. Nobody in this diner knows more about women than the Maus." The Tick took a look around the diner. Since there were no other customers around, he had to concede the point. That didn't mean he had a good feeling about where this conversation was going, though.
[OOC: Characters, ideas, and certain lines lifted from The Tick #3. "Next weekend" may not actually mean next weekend real time. See discussion on time from the previous post.]
"Here he stands, The Tick! Protector of this fair city, The City! Watching over the night like an intrepid birdwatcher. Some heroes claim to be the night, but that's just silly. That would be like me claiming to be the brunch. Sure, I do some of my best work during brunch, but it's just the time I work sometimes. And if someone was the night, then I'd be a peeping tom right now when I'm just trying to prevent moonlit crimes and that's just not the way these things go down! So call me a Doubting Thomas, but I don't think anyone really is the night." More silence followed.
If The Tick weren't narrating atop a rooftop tonight, it would be an utterly quiet night. No crime, no citizens in need, not even a tiny little natural disaster! It was one of those nights where it just didn't seem worth it to put in time protecting people because nobody needed protecting!
A voice that belonged to neither The Tick nor his mind changed that.
"Hello, mister?" The Tick turned around. The voice belonged to a young woman in a yellow outfit who happened to be carrying some ninja weapons. "Hey, listen," she said. "You'd better get out of here."
"Why?" The Tick asked. "You're not the building super, are you? All complaints about superheroes stalking rooftops are supposed to go straight to City Hall."
"What?" the woman asked. "No. In like two minutes this place will be crawling with ninja!"
"Really?" Tick asked. "Keen! It's been a slow night. I could use a good tussle with ninjas!"
"Listen to me! You've got to get out of here!" the woman yelled as she tried to shove The Tick towards the roof access stairs.
"Hey now, calm down," Tick said with perhaps a tinge of glee at the impending fight. "Ninjas aren't dangerous. They're more afraid of you than you are of them."
A shout came from the next roof over. "Oedipus! Give us the Th..." The shouting ninja paused. He turned back to his fellow ninjas and a grave murmuring could be heard as the ninjas conferred. Finally the shouting ninja turned around again. "Excuse me, are you The Tick?"
"Yep!" The Tick answered. "Are you guys ninjas?"
The ninjas huddled up again. After a few moments, the shouting ninja answered, "Yes. Say, you don't happen to be friends with her, are you?"
"Well, she's a citizen of The City and isn't committing any crimes. I consider everyone in that Venn Diagram to be a friend," The Tick answered.
"But you're not close or anything?" another ninja asked. He was quickly shushed by the shouting ninja. He apparently wanted to keep his position as spokesninja.
"Nope. Just met her," The Tick said.
"If she lives in the suburbs, she's not technically a citizen of The City, right?" the shouting ninja asked.
"Well, the greater City Metropolitan Area still counts, I suppose," The Tick answered.
The ninjas conferred again. "But still, her place on that Venn diagram's a little sketchy?"
"What's a Venn diagram?" the second ninja asked before being shushed again.
"I guess," Tick said. "Look, is there a point to this?"
The ninjas conferred again. "Just checking," was the eventual response. They went back to discussing their options.
"They usually attack by now," the woman told The Tick.
The Tick sighed, then turned toward a chimney. "I'm going to throw a chimney at them," he declared. But before he could rip the masonry from the roof, he heard the woman yell, "THEY'RE ATTACKING!"
The Tick turned around and sure enough there was a tidal wave of ninjas swarming onto the roof. Before he could blink he was once again assaulted with all sorts of sharp objects. "Now this is more like it! SPOOOOOOOOOON!"
It wasn't long at all before all of the ninjas had either been knocked out, thrown off the roof, or retreated to the safety of hiding behind the parapets of other roofs. The Tick dusted himself off, picked a stray shuriken out of his antenna, and said, "I wonder what that's all about."
The woman had watched all of this in wonder. "You're incredible," she said.
"Nay, citizen! I am... THE TICK!" The Tick said. "What's your name, chum?"
"Oedipus. Oedipus Ashley Stevens," the woman said.
"Interesting name."
"Yeah, blame my parents," Oedipus said with a small eyeroll.
"OEDIPUS!" the shouting ninja shouted.
"What do you want, Jerry?" Oedipus yelled back.
Jerry the shouting ninja stood up on the parapet of his original rooftop and delivered a threat that had clearly been practiced. "Ahem. You have not seen the last of us! The ninja have quietly developed their power base to become strong in this city! Our eyes are everywhere! You will not escape!"
The other ninja shouted, "Yeah! That means you too, bug boy!"
Jerry shushed him again. "What, are you kidding, Bill? That guy's The Tick! We don't want to drag him into this!"
Bill whined, "But it sounded cool!"
"You don't get to shout anymore," Jerry declared.
The Tick had gotten tired of all of this shouting and bickering, so he ripped that chimney off the roof and threw it at the ninjas.
*****
After getting away from the ninja-littered rooftops, The Tick and Oedipus found their way to the diner. "So why are there a bunch of ninjas after you?" The Tick asked as coffee was brought to their booth.
"It's a long story," Oedipus said.
"I have time. Speak should still be napping and I already did all the superheroing that's needed tonight," The Tick said.
"Well, if you're sure," Oedipus said. "All across the country there was once a secret order of ninja, infiltrating nearly every college campus as a fraternity called Ninja Ninja Hai."
"Not much of a secret..." The Tick noted.
"I never said it was a good secret," Oedipus said. "But that was years ago. Over time people started to think that pirates were cooler, so Ninja Ninja Hai's membership fell nationwide. The City University is the last foothold the ninja have in America. They mostly just drink beer and watch ESPN now, but when they get sober, they can actually be very deadly. Anyway, I just transferred to TCU last fall and I needed something to do, so I signed up."
The Tick had been Dean of a high school that had both a fraternity and a sorority, so he was slightly confused by that. "Aren't fraternities usually male only?"
"Yeah, but I picked up the ninja stuff fast enough that I could beat up anyone who had an issue with it," Oedipus explained. "So we were having a good time just hanging out and being ninjas for a while, but the guys started turning into big jerks. They let the ninja thing go to their heads. And then one of the guys bought this thing off eBay called the Thorn of Oblivion."
"Sounds... ominous," The Tick said.
"Oh, it is. Apparently this thing holds the souls of all true ninja, the very essence of their being. Any ninja who harnesses the power of the Thorn could theoretically become the strongest ninja the world has ever known," Oedipus said. "And these guys are jerks. I couldn't let them have unlimited power, so I stole it and left Ninja Ninja Hai in order to protect the world. Or at least the campus."
"Sounds reasonable to me," The Tick said. "What are you going to do now? Ninjas are the lamprey of the warrior world. Once they get an goal in their funnel-like sucking mouths, they just don't let go of it until they've sucked all the blood out of that goal!"
Oedipus stared at Tick for a moment as she tried to figure that metaphor out. "Um, I should be safe. It's finals week, so they're either going to be studying, drunk, or both until the weekend."
"Oh, good!" Tick said, reassured. "Do you know what you're doing with the Thorn until then?"
"It's safe. I have finals too, so I can't do anything about it until next weekend," Oedipus considered her options for a moment. "Are you free then? I could use some backup."
"And fight more ninjas?" The Tick asked. "I can always make time for fighting ninjas!"
"Good," Oedipus said, putting money on the table for her coffee. She wrote her address on a napkin and gave it to The Tick. "Then it's a date. And thanks for the help tonight."
"You're welcome!" The Tick said as Oedipus walked out the door. "Did she say 'date'?"
"She did!" Die Fledermaus said as he appeared from seemingly nowhere (but in reality from the booth behind Tick where he had been eavesdropping) and took the seat next to Tick. "Tick, you scored a date with a college girl! Good going, my friend! Does she have any cute friends?"
"Um. I don't know. And I don't think she meant it like that," Tick said.
"Trust me, Tick. Nobody in this diner knows more about women than the Maus." The Tick took a look around the diner. Since there were no other customers around, he had to concede the point. That didn't mean he had a good feeling about where this conversation was going, though.
[OOC: Characters, ideas, and certain lines lifted from The Tick #3. "Next weekend" may not actually mean next weekend real time. See discussion on time from the previous post.]