BLAH BLAH BLAH...
Tuesday October 5th, 2010
11:30 A.M.
I've woken up tired and it's raining. Not the best start to any
day but i usually attempt to keep things on the positive side so i'm
looking at the good, i get to spend all day, just my son jordan and
i while mommy is at work. I say my son but i think i may be the only
one who actually thinks of him as that. I recently went through a
divorce, smooth sailing i guess as far as divorces go, i've never
been through one before but people talk... No big shot lawyers, no
front lawn fighting with ones belongings strewn about the yard, not
really much fighting at all to speak of. This sort of thing is
difficult, fighting or not. It's what we want but regardless it's a
little difficult to spend every waking moment in the better part of
8 years with one person then all of the sudden have them gone. My
girlfriend samantha likes to be called sam, not samantha and even
more not samantha rae, she hates that. sometimes sammy. Sam spent
six years with this josh kid and they have a baby together, thats
where my jordie comes in. josh spent the first 2 months trying, and
the last 6 not trying. i have been there for jordan and sam damn
near every day since sammy and i met months ago. Now all the sudden
josh realized he fucked up and is getting all kinds of rights and
privledges and shit just kinda handed to him. i grew up kinda tough,
lost my father at about 1 or so, and have a stepfather you could
compare to a pet rock so i know what jordan has going on and
understand it even though he is to young to. i get that it's
important for a young boy to have his father in his life and grew up
without one myself so i would never try to take that from jordan,
but i have to admit i want to take that away from josh. i feel
really fucking guilty about that but it is what it is and i guess
feelings can't really be rite or wrong, or so im told by some
anyway. i got a whole lot i wanna say but i'm losing alot of it in
my brain somewhere, i have senior moments at 25 years old, haha. i'm
not much for digging deep holes, i'm not much for paving long roads,
i aint cut out to climb high rise poles but im pretty good at
drinking beer and thats probably where the senior moments are coming
from. if your reading this don't judge me or get all worked up, any
drinking done by me is reserved for AFTER bugs bedtime. Bug is up
from nap number one and hungry so ill be back later.