Life's a Bitch and then you Die
I just had a nap and woke up. Well yea its 1.15 AM and I should’nt be napping now but actually I feel like going back to sleep. I think I just might. O__:~X<
But there is something disturbing me. Yea I spoke about it to a friend today. Lets call my friend HOWIE. Now HOWIE also has his own problems but it was good chatting to HOWIE because I needed an outlet. It was nice little chat we had and what I realized that I can actually chat with someone I trust for hours. So is the case with me and HAPPY.XD; :: I chatted with HAPPY today too and as always it was awesome which is so needless to say.::
Anyways the problem is family back there and well, I guess and really hope things will slowly get back to normal--that is, painful times infinity. Because I just want to sleep. Is that so wrong? Probably. But oh well. T.T; X<;_________
Well I am an emotional guy. I try being all intellectual at times but then something happens and I can’t get it out of my system for days and even weeks. I need time to absorb things. I have taken harsh news before but things come so out of the blue and you don’t really know how to react. You are like thinking it’s not as bad as it sounds only to realize later that things are even worse. ;___;
I had never expected that things like this could happen with or to us. Like we hear about such things happening and things going wrong many a times but you don’t really give a fuck because its not you. You think that how can people be so silly and make such mistakes. But when it happens you are shaken. Literally. I knew things were going on but I didn’t know that it had become bad till today. And I feel handicap that I am not able to do anything about it. I tried putting some sense and guiding them to the right path… At least what I feel is right and rational, but they have there own theory about things that don’t get me. I hope people actually would for once understand the absurdity that it is. ::cries::
Meantime, that is until they sort things out, which I know is not gonna happen and leave me to some peace and rest, |__|~X<. it's just me, my music, and a lot of hurt feelings. Good times. Not really. I'm sore all over and in more ways than one.
Meanwhile, I'm depressed. I keep hearing someone in the back of my head saying "life's too short" over and over again. Here I am wanting to sleep in the middle of the night. Oh yeah, life's fair.
Its times like these that I really miss being with someone. I can't imagine a greater feeling right now than just being with a girl who I can be with to then speak about all my shit and just cuddle together under the covers. Its little things like that, or even littler--just having someone to hold. That shouldn't be as impossible as it is, should it? XC~X<;__;
You know things that happened today are the real reason I am so scared to be with someone or be in a committed relationship. Its because I have seen relationships break more often than someone who is actually happy be it any kind of relationship. Its not as bad as its sounds but well, it a start to the doom. Like they say “The fire starts from a Flame.”
As I was speaking with FREE today and I told FREE that I have had my real chances of being in relationship with a girl. Be it small or big. I had my biggest one with MIRAGE and I know I screwed it up. I had my chances with MJ but I guess I was too into what PEACHES and PUMPKIN had to say. I wont even go into what happened with JULES and LEI. Anyways, its things like what happened today that are a little part of why I am so bad with commitment. Anyways, I really pray for things to get right because these are the people I Love and I can actually say this, more than life itself.
Coming to me finding a girl to be with, it shouldn’t be hard only if I can get over my fears. Did you know the ratio of Females to Males in Australia is almost 2 to 1? Double! This is by far the most depressing thing I've heard yet this year. Why? Do the math!!! How is there are all these women out there and I don’t know a single soul that doesn't have someone and I am still alone? Are they hiding out in some colony somewhere? I just don't understand.
But I seriously wish that people back home realize the mistakes and sort things out which is too difficult now. But still, I hope for the best.