(no subject)
Growing up, I assumed (and believed wholeheartedly) that love between friends was just as unconditional as love between family members. Sadly, this turned out to be one of the biggest learning curves I banged up against. Friendship is not unconditional, it is a tenuous balance of interactions, a delicate matrix that has to be constantly worked on and adjusted. In fact, I know that in some families love is not unconditional either - sisters don't speak anymore, father x has been excommunicated from the clan, so to speak, etc. Over the years I've also learned that how you feel about a person usually has absolutely no effect on how they feel about you; you can adore someone who doesn't know you're alive, or someone who cares more about pretty much anything else but you. Why am I talking about this? I feel this tenuousness a lot recently, and it bothers me. I know that you can't change anyone buy yourself though, so I keep on trudging through life as usual, not sure if a business relationship with a friend's partner is going to someday, somehow sour the relationship I have with that friend; not sure if I can ever express certain feelings to certain friends for fear of having my feelings dismissed; not sure if I can maintain the delicate balance and reach the expectations of a high-maintenance friend. Again, ETC. So many years ago Dr. Culver told me that my happiness is based mostly on my social network and relations with other people. It's true, and it turns out that this is the case for the majority of people. I don't know how to continue, end of speculation for now. I am uneasy.
I realized recently that I spend most of my time wishing I was somewhere else. Doing errands in Calgary, I think to myself that I'd rather be living in Vancouver and doing errands there. Looking for a job in Calgary, I wish I was back in Belize studying monkeys. Hit with loneliness and a lack of excitement, I think of Guatemala and Costa Rica and how life was so different there. Sitting in a busy coffee shop in Kensington, I wistfully remember the café that I went to everyday in Sherbrooke.
It's true that travel has been a catalyst of personal change and growth in my life (e.g. a couple of months after Central America my hand tremors disappeared and I saw life through much rosier colored glasses), but I need to learn to appreciate where I am. Right now. Right here. I'm opening myself up to the idea of starting a quiet love affair with my birth city, to discovering the neighborly haunts and secret delights of Calgary. Of putting aside my extreme prejudice connected to the oil and gas industry and tasseled leather vests in order to find a sense of connection and contentment with my situation as is.
How am I going to do this? Well, I'm seeing my parents tomorrow, and I'll be bringing my bike back with me so that I can explore my neighborhood and get some damn exercise. I've also found two diners/cafés in the Bowness/Montgomery area that I would like to try. One is called Cadence (underneath: superfinecoffee), a small café with a red awning that is always full when I drive by, the other called Extreme Bean with, quote, "Home cooked meals all day."
This is a start, but I would like to ask, how do you explore the city you are in? Where do you start? What kinds of events do you look for? What have been your greatest successes?
I realized recently that I spend most of my time wishing I was somewhere else. Doing errands in Calgary, I think to myself that I'd rather be living in Vancouver and doing errands there. Looking for a job in Calgary, I wish I was back in Belize studying monkeys. Hit with loneliness and a lack of excitement, I think of Guatemala and Costa Rica and how life was so different there. Sitting in a busy coffee shop in Kensington, I wistfully remember the café that I went to everyday in Sherbrooke.
It's true that travel has been a catalyst of personal change and growth in my life (e.g. a couple of months after Central America my hand tremors disappeared and I saw life through much rosier colored glasses), but I need to learn to appreciate where I am. Right now. Right here. I'm opening myself up to the idea of starting a quiet love affair with my birth city, to discovering the neighborly haunts and secret delights of Calgary. Of putting aside my extreme prejudice connected to the oil and gas industry and tasseled leather vests in order to find a sense of connection and contentment with my situation as is.
How am I going to do this? Well, I'm seeing my parents tomorrow, and I'll be bringing my bike back with me so that I can explore my neighborhood and get some damn exercise. I've also found two diners/cafés in the Bowness/Montgomery area that I would like to try. One is called Cadence (underneath: superfinecoffee), a small café with a red awning that is always full when I drive by, the other called Extreme Bean with, quote, "Home cooked meals all day."
This is a start, but I would like to ask, how do you explore the city you are in? Where do you start? What kinds of events do you look for? What have been your greatest successes?