(no subject)
If you think that anyone can be guilty of making a racist comment or performing a racist act, including you, and that you are willing to take ownership of your statements and actions, resist blaming the person who was offended, figure out why they were taken as racist, apologize, and not do it again, post this exact sentence in your journal.
I am white. I grew up in a neighborhood that my parents moved to because of how well integrated it was. But, because the less "enlightened" white people all started moving away, I was in the minority by the time I was a teenager. For the most part, I was accepted as a white guy who was 'not the man', i.e. not part of the problem, and that let me in on a lot of stories of crap that was actually happening to people. But it still didn't make my experience the same as theirs. I make no pretense as to being some sort of 'enlightened' white guy who could never be racist. That's ridiculous.
And you know the old cliche "some of my best friends are _________"? Well, in my case, it happens that my very best friend in the whole world is black. He, like me, is built like a football player. He unlike me, was accused by an old lady on an airplane of being a terrorist because he was wearing a snazzy african hat that she thought was a turban, and decided that he was a muslim and therefore a terrorist. I could have worn the same hat with not even a blink from anyone.
I am going to quote here a comment I made last year in a post by popfiend (http://popfiend.livejournal.com/2414903.html), and then continue.
As a white guy with a black best friend, we find ourselves in many situations where we get to observe and discuss (and sometimes laugh at the stupidity of) racism. For the most part we don't wind up talking about how racist people are, but about how oblivious they are to the fact that they are being racist in whatever it is they did or said. They really often have no clue. It makes us draw the conclusion not that they are racist, but that they are stupid. Which at least makes us feel less disgusted. But they can be called out on it. There are also those who DO have a clue but don't care. They cannot be called out.
The one that pisses me off is when racists assume I'm racist too, just because I am white too. I've had absolute strangers say some really obnoxious, hateful things to me, fully expecting me to go along with it just because I'm white. Depending on my mood, I've been known to laugh and call them out on what they said, tell them "you can't generalize like that", call them stupid, pretend I don't understand their secret racist code and keep talking, tell them my dad was black (a lie), or in one case call them a "cracker". It's hard to know how to react to ignorance.
But as close as I am with my friends, and as aware as I am of what I observe, and as well as my parents taught me, there's also no way I can ever truly "get" it. I've never been pulled over denied a job or gotten a lesser employee review or slower service or attacked because I was white. I have only watched it happen to someone else. It is infuriating, but it can never truly be personal.
While Gordon and I have had laughs at the racists expense, and have observed and poked fun at both whites' racism towards a black guy with his white friend in the suburbs and blacks' racism toward a white guy with his black friend in the city (Detroit and its suburbs have been very segregated that way for a long time), I don't think it makes me immune from saying something racist. No matter how educated, liberal, or enlightened I think I am, everyone makes snap judgments on other people, and some of those are going to be related to race.
But more importantly for a white guy like me to understand, is that sometimes you can say something with no racial motivation at all, and it can get taken as racist. Usually this is caused by either being ignorant of the history of certain phrases, or just not thinking before speaking.
One event from my High School life comes to mind. I made a joke at lunchtime. There were six or seven of us standing around. I don't even remember the joke. The joke is not important. But no one got my joke. When no one got my joke, I said "What's the matter with you people?"
Several cold stares later, I realized what I had said.
I literally meant "you people" as in "not me". I really did. And, because these folks knew me for years, it didn't take long to convince them that I really, really, just meant "What's the matter with everyone". But as well as they knew me, the reaction to the words that came out of my mouth was immediate. I had said "you people", a seemingly innocent phrase that has a history that is anything but.
The point being this: I didn't mean anything racist by it AT ALL. But I still scared my friends for a couple moments anyway, that inside Nat really was ONE OF THEM and it was finally leaking out. I had to apologize for my choice of phrase. I simply had to. I forgot that it was a charged phrase, and I let my buddies know that. They believed me, and they forgave me. They knew quickly that I didn't mean it in "that way".
But the point, continued, is this: It doesn't matter that I didn't mean to offend-- that I didn't mean it that way-- It is still on me to make absolutely sure that the people I offended (or in this case scared or briefly disappointed) truly know that not only did I not mean it "that way", but that I UNDERSTAND that it is a charged phrase and that I regret being thoughtless enough to choose it.
It's hard to explain if you haven't been there. But it is vitally important. I was surrounded by people who KNOW that when a white guy says "you people", you're in for a shitty day at best, and I forgot that.
Is it fair? Not in the slightest. It's unfair to them, it's unfair to me, it's unfair to you. It's unfair. But it IS. And no matter your intentions, other white guys, if you screw up and scare or offend your not-white friends, don't get defensive because you didn't mean it. Just make sure they know you didn't mean it and resolve to avoid the phrases that assholes use. It only takes a few seconds, and you'll really be being a mensch.
I am white. I grew up in a neighborhood that my parents moved to because of how well integrated it was. But, because the less "enlightened" white people all started moving away, I was in the minority by the time I was a teenager. For the most part, I was accepted as a white guy who was 'not the man', i.e. not part of the problem, and that let me in on a lot of stories of crap that was actually happening to people. But it still didn't make my experience the same as theirs. I make no pretense as to being some sort of 'enlightened' white guy who could never be racist. That's ridiculous.
And you know the old cliche "some of my best friends are _________"? Well, in my case, it happens that my very best friend in the whole world is black. He, like me, is built like a football player. He unlike me, was accused by an old lady on an airplane of being a terrorist because he was wearing a snazzy african hat that she thought was a turban, and decided that he was a muslim and therefore a terrorist. I could have worn the same hat with not even a blink from anyone.
I am going to quote here a comment I made last year in a post by popfiend (http://popfiend.livejournal.com/2414903.html), and then continue.
As a white guy with a black best friend, we find ourselves in many situations where we get to observe and discuss (and sometimes laugh at the stupidity of) racism. For the most part we don't wind up talking about how racist people are, but about how oblivious they are to the fact that they are being racist in whatever it is they did or said. They really often have no clue. It makes us draw the conclusion not that they are racist, but that they are stupid. Which at least makes us feel less disgusted. But they can be called out on it. There are also those who DO have a clue but don't care. They cannot be called out.
The one that pisses me off is when racists assume I'm racist too, just because I am white too. I've had absolute strangers say some really obnoxious, hateful things to me, fully expecting me to go along with it just because I'm white. Depending on my mood, I've been known to laugh and call them out on what they said, tell them "you can't generalize like that", call them stupid, pretend I don't understand their secret racist code and keep talking, tell them my dad was black (a lie), or in one case call them a "cracker". It's hard to know how to react to ignorance.
But as close as I am with my friends, and as aware as I am of what I observe, and as well as my parents taught me, there's also no way I can ever truly "get" it. I've never been pulled over denied a job or gotten a lesser employee review or slower service or attacked because I was white. I have only watched it happen to someone else. It is infuriating, but it can never truly be personal.
While Gordon and I have had laughs at the racists expense, and have observed and poked fun at both whites' racism towards a black guy with his white friend in the suburbs and blacks' racism toward a white guy with his black friend in the city (Detroit and its suburbs have been very segregated that way for a long time), I don't think it makes me immune from saying something racist. No matter how educated, liberal, or enlightened I think I am, everyone makes snap judgments on other people, and some of those are going to be related to race.
But more importantly for a white guy like me to understand, is that sometimes you can say something with no racial motivation at all, and it can get taken as racist. Usually this is caused by either being ignorant of the history of certain phrases, or just not thinking before speaking.
One event from my High School life comes to mind. I made a joke at lunchtime. There were six or seven of us standing around. I don't even remember the joke. The joke is not important. But no one got my joke. When no one got my joke, I said "What's the matter with you people?"
Several cold stares later, I realized what I had said.
I literally meant "you people" as in "not me". I really did. And, because these folks knew me for years, it didn't take long to convince them that I really, really, just meant "What's the matter with everyone". But as well as they knew me, the reaction to the words that came out of my mouth was immediate. I had said "you people", a seemingly innocent phrase that has a history that is anything but.
The point being this: I didn't mean anything racist by it AT ALL. But I still scared my friends for a couple moments anyway, that inside Nat really was ONE OF THEM and it was finally leaking out. I had to apologize for my choice of phrase. I simply had to. I forgot that it was a charged phrase, and I let my buddies know that. They believed me, and they forgave me. They knew quickly that I didn't mean it in "that way".
But the point, continued, is this: It doesn't matter that I didn't mean to offend-- that I didn't mean it that way-- It is still on me to make absolutely sure that the people I offended (or in this case scared or briefly disappointed) truly know that not only did I not mean it "that way", but that I UNDERSTAND that it is a charged phrase and that I regret being thoughtless enough to choose it.
It's hard to explain if you haven't been there. But it is vitally important. I was surrounded by people who KNOW that when a white guy says "you people", you're in for a shitty day at best, and I forgot that.
Is it fair? Not in the slightest. It's unfair to them, it's unfair to me, it's unfair to you. It's unfair. But it IS. And no matter your intentions, other white guys, if you screw up and scare or offend your not-white friends, don't get defensive because you didn't mean it. Just make sure they know you didn't mean it and resolve to avoid the phrases that assholes use. It only takes a few seconds, and you'll really be being a mensch.