Too clever for his own damn good.
I am seriously pissed off right now. So this is the first book I read out of the books I checked out from the library:
Looks interesting, right? I mean, what with all this insane 'vampire fad' going on I was super excited to see a book that was running against the current fad and mocking it in the process. Vampires are never fat - how funny to have a fat vampire! Epic. And it started out decent. A little awkward at first, too self-aware of itself as a fad-skewering book, and every once in a while just a little bit weird; like an invented disease called 'the Google,' aka internet addiction. About halfway through it totally sucked me in. But...not necessarily in a good way. The longer it went on the more I started to feel like I was only reading it to find out what's going to happen, because nothing made sense anymore and I couldn't put it down until it made sense. I no longer cared about any of the characters. The only halfway likeable character was Sejal, but even she was too...distant to be likeable. Her motives and personality were never quite clear, only that she clearly had the best intentions of all the characters. I suppose I also liked the character Jay, but he sort of...fell out of the story, didn't get much of a role. Doug was the main character, the fat vampire. He started out seeming like a loveable, sympathetic geek character, but by the end of the book I hated him, and he was the MAIN CHARACTER, he was the one who got the most page time, and he was simply unlikeable by the end. Too stupid. I won't get into all the characters, it was ridiculous. It all felt so rushed. Not just because I read it in one sitting, but because everything happens so fast, no time to sit and make sense of things and figure out who's who and what's going on. Sometimes I got confused with the cast of characters and I'd have to reread a page to make sure I knew what was going on.
But that's not what made me hate the book - and I do hate it, a lot. No, I still could have liked it, not loved it, but liked it. It's clever, mildly amusing though never laugh out loud funny, and certainly original. But then the snarky ass bastard author went and fucked up the ending because he's too damn clever and artsy for his own damn good. There IS no ending. After the big climax of the story where this sort of battle goes down, there's just a page, several very short paragraphs separated by asterisks. Each one tells a different possible ending. Then it cuts to Sejal, who is apparently now the main character, and she gets some sort of vague ending as well that doesn't resolve anything.
Fuck. That. Shit. What an ass. Who the hell writes a story and ends it like that?? Only somebody who wrote his story primarily for the purposes of mockery, and not to WRITE A DAMN STORY. THAT IS ONE THING I HATE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE - A GOOD STORY COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED BY THE AUTHOR'S FUCKING "MESSAGE" THAT HE MUST COMMUNICATE WITH THE WORLD. I HATE THAT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT!! XD I've got a news flash for Mr. Clever-Pants - I can mock the vampire fads too!! So can almost everybody!! I did not read your book so I could have your complicated vague pretentious MESSAGE slapped in my face, I read it for an enjoyable and original story that pokes fun at a silly fad. I did NOT want a smug 'oh look this is just a story that I made up to convey my message it is meaningless and you read it for no reason.' GAH.
I just wasted three hours of my life, and now I have to go to bed pissed off. DAMN YOU ADAM REX. >_<
Ahem. Just venting, there. What a stupid book. I do NOT recommend it. I need to scrub my brain out, ugh. I need some Austen, Dickens, and Rowling, stat! XD