I think I might be ready to play nice
Okay, so I am beginning to talk to the new librarian a bit. It's still hard. Either she doesn't have any idea that I wanted her job, or she's a really good actress trying to keep things from being any harder for me than they already are. But if she doesn't know, I kind of want her to. I think. But anyway, I told her about how I had my master's in library science and how I was working on my ed specialist. She has the same advisor I have, and I guess our advisor was in the building this past December. Kind of weird, wonder if our advisor, who I've complained to about not getting the job put two and two together. She is kind of scatterbrained it seems, very smart though. Also, the librarian was going to forward to me the info for MASL conference, I told her I already had it and planned on going. Of course I can't enroll until I get my leftover loan money.
Oh yeah, for the first time EVER, the county sent my personal property tax bill to my car lease company who then paid it. Well the problem with that is that I always wait until I have my income tax return to pay it, which is sometime in February. Now, this year I can pay with my student loan money, but the lease company wants their money now, and I don't think I'll have my loan money until sometime after January 18th. I really hope this doesn't mess up my credit, because I don't feel this is fair. They didn't send the bill to me, and I had no reason to expect them to not send it as they always had. GRRRRRRRR!!!
Also, some of the women teachers at school like to go out and party and drink all the time, and first, just my friend Jo invited me to their "Martinis and Weenies" party next Friday night. I told her I didn't know if I'd go because Friday is usually movie night for me. I just have more fun at the movies than going out and getting drunk. I used to enjoy going out and dancinig in college, but now that I'm so unhappy with myself physically, then it was just my looks I didn't like, now it is my looks and my fat, I feel very self conscious and stupid when I dance. But then I was sent the official invitation from one of the coordinators, and so I kind of feel like maybe I should go. It seems obvious the people I was really fitting in with this summer no longer want me around, so guess I should go hang out with these girls until they also figure out I'm not really that much fun to have around. It kind of sucks, because it's not that my summer group of friends didn't go out and drink, we just went out TO things, where there was stuff to see and do. Like the Fringe Festival, or the guy I liked's band's shows. Or we'd hang out at someone's house, which the teacher group does too, but we'd watch movies, or play video games, or Carcassonne, things I enjoyed doing. I hate so much that I was stupid enough to get into a stupid, well, I don't think fight or argument is the right word, I guess disagreement with the "planner" or "organizer" of all the fun stuff. It's my own fault, I realize that, nothing I can do now. But it still sucks. Have I learned my lesson? Who knows.
Oh well. Life is life, and it must go on, unfortunately. There are a couple possible library openings, although one is about a 45 minute drive for me, but at this rate, I have to consider it, even though my mom is saying I shouldn't consider that far of a drive. But I CANNOT teach another year, just can't, especially where I think I should be a librarian, with a principal who obviously doesn't think I can do the job. Just for the hell of it, I also looked outside of the KC area to see what library jobs were open in the state, and there is one in a small town called Reed Springs, which is by Branson, Missouri. I think that might be kind of fun to live down there, but again, so far away from family. While for awhile I thought I could move away, I think now that I need all the emotional support I can get, I'm afraid I'd get really depressed moving that far away right now.
I'm doing okay with WW so far for the first week I've really been back doing it, although I left my journal at school. I am trying the run/walk thing again, but I am afraid I still won't be able to do it because my left shin is starting to hurt when I run again. I'm guessing I just may never get to be a runner. So if that happens again, and I need to stop before it gets really bad, I don't know what to do. I said originally I'd pay for a trainer again and figure something out, but I want to do more than all the stupid stretching machines. I want to go in and do something quick and get out. I don't have lots of time. Maybe I'll just go use th elliptical machine for whatever length of time was supposed to be for the run/walk program. I think I also read you could do each week twice on the run/walk thing, maybe I'll try that to not push myself too much yet and see if I can actually do it.
Okay, this has been a pretty rambling blog, so I'm going to quit now and do something else.
Bye
Oh yeah, for the first time EVER, the county sent my personal property tax bill to my car lease company who then paid it. Well the problem with that is that I always wait until I have my income tax return to pay it, which is sometime in February. Now, this year I can pay with my student loan money, but the lease company wants their money now, and I don't think I'll have my loan money until sometime after January 18th. I really hope this doesn't mess up my credit, because I don't feel this is fair. They didn't send the bill to me, and I had no reason to expect them to not send it as they always had. GRRRRRRRR!!!
Also, some of the women teachers at school like to go out and party and drink all the time, and first, just my friend Jo invited me to their "Martinis and Weenies" party next Friday night. I told her I didn't know if I'd go because Friday is usually movie night for me. I just have more fun at the movies than going out and getting drunk. I used to enjoy going out and dancinig in college, but now that I'm so unhappy with myself physically, then it was just my looks I didn't like, now it is my looks and my fat, I feel very self conscious and stupid when I dance. But then I was sent the official invitation from one of the coordinators, and so I kind of feel like maybe I should go. It seems obvious the people I was really fitting in with this summer no longer want me around, so guess I should go hang out with these girls until they also figure out I'm not really that much fun to have around. It kind of sucks, because it's not that my summer group of friends didn't go out and drink, we just went out TO things, where there was stuff to see and do. Like the Fringe Festival, or the guy I liked's band's shows. Or we'd hang out at someone's house, which the teacher group does too, but we'd watch movies, or play video games, or Carcassonne, things I enjoyed doing. I hate so much that I was stupid enough to get into a stupid, well, I don't think fight or argument is the right word, I guess disagreement with the "planner" or "organizer" of all the fun stuff. It's my own fault, I realize that, nothing I can do now. But it still sucks. Have I learned my lesson? Who knows.
Oh well. Life is life, and it must go on, unfortunately. There are a couple possible library openings, although one is about a 45 minute drive for me, but at this rate, I have to consider it, even though my mom is saying I shouldn't consider that far of a drive. But I CANNOT teach another year, just can't, especially where I think I should be a librarian, with a principal who obviously doesn't think I can do the job. Just for the hell of it, I also looked outside of the KC area to see what library jobs were open in the state, and there is one in a small town called Reed Springs, which is by Branson, Missouri. I think that might be kind of fun to live down there, but again, so far away from family. While for awhile I thought I could move away, I think now that I need all the emotional support I can get, I'm afraid I'd get really depressed moving that far away right now.
I'm doing okay with WW so far for the first week I've really been back doing it, although I left my journal at school. I am trying the run/walk thing again, but I am afraid I still won't be able to do it because my left shin is starting to hurt when I run again. I'm guessing I just may never get to be a runner. So if that happens again, and I need to stop before it gets really bad, I don't know what to do. I said originally I'd pay for a trainer again and figure something out, but I want to do more than all the stupid stretching machines. I want to go in and do something quick and get out. I don't have lots of time. Maybe I'll just go use th elliptical machine for whatever length of time was supposed to be for the run/walk program. I think I also read you could do each week twice on the run/walk thing, maybe I'll try that to not push myself too much yet and see if I can actually do it.
Okay, this has been a pretty rambling blog, so I'm going to quit now and do something else.
Bye