is the grass greener on the other side?

Feb 12, 2008 18:33

so there are two forms of acne
non-inflammatory acne.. consists of zit and blackheads

and inflammatory acne.... consists of cysts and nodules
its the severe form

and i have the severe form

so they say if regular treatments dont work i should see i dermatologist and get something called acutane... it sounds kind of scary.... u have to take two forms of birth control with it so u dont get pregnant.. bc it can deform the fetus.. and if u have to get blood tests during taking it.. but its suppose to completely clear it up in 15-20 weeks.. and u shouldnt ever get it again

but im thinking regular treatments will work.. hopefully

but my family is being supportive.. theyre giving me time to heal beofre i get a job... putting all this crap on ym face burns my skin and makes me sensitive to the sun.. and it really actually BURNS... sometimes it burns so much i want to scream.

i wear my hair up and a head band to keep the hair from getting oils on my skin... and i DO NOT touch my face AT ALL unless im washing it.... i havent popped not one pimple in like a month... accept for one.. and i was drunk haha

but i havent seen anyone really
ive literally gone into hiding

the thing is.. i dont really care

like i want to see everyone
but i dont want to go to brookes house
i dont like it there at all

i dont want to smoke

i dont want to drink

and i dont want to do anything that costs money
bc i dont have money
and i dont like borrowing money
i actually hate it
i hate it with a passion

but hate sitting here bc i feel like im gaining weight.. ive gained 7 pounds sice i came home...
and im losing muscle... bc i havent been dancing or even moving aorund really.... bc im alone

i want to go swimming and to the gym... but its hard to motivate urself... bc ill do it alone.
i dunno
its actually even hard to get me to take a shower
usually i take 2 showers a day
but bc im not doing anything
i take one every other day
and ill take a bath imbetween... and its rare

i cant wait for life to pick back up
but i want it to pick up differently

like right now, i dont care to see brooke
bc i feel like shes pulling me down

Aas soon as im doing better and get a job im gonna go to the social security office and get a new social security card (hopefully no one has stolen my identity.. i dont see why they would)

and then ill go re-apply for my GED... and hang up big poster all over the ouse telling me the date... so i dont forget this time

and then I CAN GOT TO SCHOOL!!!

lol im so lame... ive been trying to do algebraic equations and stuff lately... just bc i miss that stuff.. i always LOVED mathh... esp geometry.... and i dont remember it... and i want to... i just need refreshed..
and i want to learn psychology
and personal fitness.. bc one day i hope to be a personall trainer

and im gonna get two new tattoos

and go skydiving in march.. hopefully.. that might be too soon.

i just want to start living and progressing.

and get a car.
jenni got a car for $900.. thats not that much... i didnt know that u could get a car for that cheap

and this is another reason why i have to distance myself from some people... like brooke still gets "stuff" alot and i couldnt afford that.. plus, it holds you back.... i know id procastinate more
and i think the fact that thomas lives with brooke will keep me away and help me

and i know all that crap helped with my face getting like this... and i HATE it... it makes me want to cry 24/7... and i know it could be worst.. i could grow MOLES and shit... but i dunno.. i just want to take good care of myself

and experience life differently

ive had alot of fun

and its time to see if the grass is greener on the other side :)
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