a block to be chipped away at
Mom and Dad were asleep by the time I got home. Maria too. It was probably later than I thought.
Climbing up the stairs was hard on my legs. My thighs shook and prepared for my body to cave. I quietly made my way up, trying not to disturb or let the stairs shrill small screams at the weight of my body. I thought for a moment that I'd never dance again. The way I felt... It wasn't emotional. I don't think I could feel anything emotional at this moment. It was physical. My body would do no more expression. I was a block to be chipped away at.
The stairs do scream as I make my way up. No one hears the cries but me. It's strange, but I want to lay down and hug the bumpy ridges of the staircase. I don't. I don't have the energy to comfort anything.
I make my way through my room to my bathroom. I look into the mirror. I'm glad no one is awake. No one can ask about my face and how it looks like it's been pulverized. They won't be able to ask about the cuts and already purple bruises along my cheek and forehead.
They won't be able to ask about my pants being ripped or my shirt being torn. They won't be able to ask... why I'm bleeding there.
I let the clothing fall away and lock the door behind me. Two parallel hole are bared on my chest and I wonder when he sucked out my heart along with that blood.
"Padre nuestro, que estás en el cielo. Santificado sea tu nombre. Venga tu reino." I whisper under my breath for the second time tonight. "Hágase tu voluntad en la tierra como en el cielo. Danos hoy nuestro pan de cada día. Perdona nuestras ofensas, como también nosotros perdonamos a los que nos ofenden. No nos dejes caer en tentación y líbranos del mal. ... "
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
This time, I don't say Amen
I turn on the shower water as hot as it goes and let it burn my skin red. Red.Red.Red. Like what he did to me. Red; the color of his abuse.
As the red floods away into the shower drain, so do I. I want to, but no flood comes out. No words.
I dry, put a pad in my panties, and tuck myself into bed.
Tomorrow, I'll stay here. I won't move.
Climbing up the stairs was hard on my legs. My thighs shook and prepared for my body to cave. I quietly made my way up, trying not to disturb or let the stairs shrill small screams at the weight of my body. I thought for a moment that I'd never dance again. The way I felt... It wasn't emotional. I don't think I could feel anything emotional at this moment. It was physical. My body would do no more expression. I was a block to be chipped away at.
The stairs do scream as I make my way up. No one hears the cries but me. It's strange, but I want to lay down and hug the bumpy ridges of the staircase. I don't. I don't have the energy to comfort anything.
I make my way through my room to my bathroom. I look into the mirror. I'm glad no one is awake. No one can ask about my face and how it looks like it's been pulverized. They won't be able to ask about the cuts and already purple bruises along my cheek and forehead.
They won't be able to ask about my pants being ripped or my shirt being torn. They won't be able to ask... why I'm bleeding there.
I let the clothing fall away and lock the door behind me. Two parallel hole are bared on my chest and I wonder when he sucked out my heart along with that blood.
"Padre nuestro, que estás en el cielo. Santificado sea tu nombre. Venga tu reino." I whisper under my breath for the second time tonight. "Hágase tu voluntad en la tierra como en el cielo. Danos hoy nuestro pan de cada día. Perdona nuestras ofensas, como también nosotros perdonamos a los que nos ofenden. No nos dejes caer en tentación y líbranos del mal. ... "
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
This time, I don't say Amen
I turn on the shower water as hot as it goes and let it burn my skin red. Red.Red.Red. Like what he did to me. Red; the color of his abuse.
As the red floods away into the shower drain, so do I. I want to, but no flood comes out. No words.
I dry, put a pad in my panties, and tuck myself into bed.
Tomorrow, I'll stay here. I won't move.