(no subject)

[buffy411]

anybody ever see the movie speak or read the book

cause if you did
you may start to understand

smilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmile

and for a minute there
i lost myself

breaking barriers of emotions i never knew existed

getting the feeling it will only get worse

32,000 platelets
when i come back from a trip it's usually at least 95,000 and then once i get situated it goes back down to 20's and 30's
so a thought crossed my mind
if it's 32,000 instead of 95,000 and it's gonna go down still that means i might get back down to 2000 or 1000
and i'm feeling that weak and tingling feeling under my skin like bugs are about to rip from the inside out
i need to get my blood checked soon

smilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmile

and with going to school i smile excessively

i'm in complete control of the situation. fucking right.

sometimes i can still smell the air, hear the sounds, and feel the shaking of what its like

can't turn off the blame
have new feelings of hatred and anger that i wish would dissapear

yet sometimes i feel comfortable here

food looses it's taste, clothes have no meaning, release is left undiscovered, and all the secrets are hiding behind the green and gray

i'm sure reality is just around the corner.

ever look in the mirror and realize it's a completely different person than you saw just a few months ago

the walls that are blocking me from the rest of the world
i don't think anybody will ever know how to break them down

if i close my eyes
and look inside
the sunset shades of blue pink and purple
lately seemed to be fogged up with the smoke of memories i'll never be able to erase

so i guess that's just the way its gonna be