Confusion, But In A Good Way...
Well, I'm seeing this guy kind of...it's hard to define it, but we're I guess "seeing each other"...we like each other a lot, we say we miss each other, but we're not exactly "together" officially...things seem to be going good. I worry maybe he's just seeing me until something better comes along. Am I just panicking for no reason??? Probably, but I won't escape these thoughts anyways, so whatever. My last relationship was with Ping-Pu and that lasted 7 months and ended 7 months ago...that is the longest I've been single since Japan...and the difference is that in Japan, I was dating lots of guys at once non-exclusively and that worked for me at that point in my life, but I don't know how to do that anymore. I just stay single...and this is my first real interest since Ping-Pu...and it's only been going on for about a month...but I am just hoping something more develops soon. I guess I am getting restless...but whatever...I'll deal with it. Jelaine reassures me that it'll all go well...I hope she's right. Speaking of Jelaine, I've had so much fun hanging with her, Leeanne and Leeanne's friends lately. I just really want to have someone to include me...I don't like the instances when Jelaine's paired off with Leeanne and I'm the single one...I mean, they're not "officially" dating...but they are kinda...lol...and they do their best not to give me that "thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiird wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel" feeling, but you know it always happens when there's a couple a little bit...but it's only my own feelings cuz I'm not used to being the single one...from Toshi, to Matt, to Neal, to Abe, to Neal, to Neal a 3rd time, to Robin, to Ping-Pu...I hadn't really gone more than 2 months at a time single...but I have to stop worrying about that. I have to just stay happy and stay focused on work and school...but then I start really focusing on how much I like Kao...which is useless cuz he's straight and I'm his boss...he just kinda sucks for being so cute, having a perfect butt, and being so nice to me...I wish he could just hate gay people and I wouldn't have to like him. That's okay though, he'll be my "straight boyfriend" till I get someone offical. Okay, enough blabber...love you!!!!
~MATTI
~MATTI