(no subject)
So here I am.
In my kitchen, with my parents out for the weekend. Am I having a raucous party? Am I living it up at a club? Am I making out with my boyfriend for the week? No. No, no, no.
I'm sitting at home, having a gin fix and mourning the end of 'sex and the city' on WGN.
Sad.
The worst part is, there are two best friends with three beers waiting for me downtown. For all intents and purposes, I could jump a cab and be at their table in ten minutes. I could forget that my sister is a heinous bitch and my brother an uptight asshole, while dancing the night away in some chic Seattle gay bar with guys who want to dance with you but don't expect to take you home. I could crash on Charles' couch and wake up the next morning to fresh coffee and the latest news on all the cutest guys. I could forget to leave a note and leave it all behind. But I won't.
Why?
Because I'm scared. I'm scared of taking that first step out of the cheap fluorescent lighting of my normal life into the dark and shadowy red, green and blue lighting of "the unknown". (and all that mysterious, nightlife crap you see on southern comfort commercials.)
I want it. I want it so badly, I bribe my friends to bring me gin in propel bottles to hide under my bed, and I'll sneak cigarettes till the day I move out. but I won't take that first step. Not today.
Not tonight.
In my kitchen, with my parents out for the weekend. Am I having a raucous party? Am I living it up at a club? Am I making out with my boyfriend for the week? No. No, no, no.
I'm sitting at home, having a gin fix and mourning the end of 'sex and the city' on WGN.
Sad.
The worst part is, there are two best friends with three beers waiting for me downtown. For all intents and purposes, I could jump a cab and be at their table in ten minutes. I could forget that my sister is a heinous bitch and my brother an uptight asshole, while dancing the night away in some chic Seattle gay bar with guys who want to dance with you but don't expect to take you home. I could crash on Charles' couch and wake up the next morning to fresh coffee and the latest news on all the cutest guys. I could forget to leave a note and leave it all behind. But I won't.
Why?
Because I'm scared. I'm scared of taking that first step out of the cheap fluorescent lighting of my normal life into the dark and shadowy red, green and blue lighting of "the unknown". (and all that mysterious, nightlife crap you see on southern comfort commercials.)
I want it. I want it so badly, I bribe my friends to bring me gin in propel bottles to hide under my bed, and I'll sneak cigarettes till the day I move out. but I won't take that first step. Not today.
Not tonight.