(no subject)
Have you ever felt like you cant make anyone happy no matter what i wish i could just like make marias so have of them could go do what i can't do i love all my friends and i hope ya'll know that i mean i cant do nothing right i feel anyways so i mean if you dont think so then its fine i just have alot of stuff on my mind and i want to let it out...first off my best friend jessi is mad at me it seems because she i cant go hang out with her tonight because i've been going out all week with cindy and its like what the hell she called me fucking retard but i still love her and she made me realize that i need to like schedule out my friend because all my old friends what me to be with them all my friends want me to be with them and there is so much maria to go around i mean jennifer is leaving to alaska i wont have any more and i can talk to her about anything and she will set me straight and i've been blownin her off and i feel like shyt for it and my katie wants me here for her and iw asn't there for her when she need me and its so like crazy and i just wish there was more maria to go around and i wish like all this stuff but i cant really wish because who knows if it comes true you know i have sims and cindy sitting on my couch and its like i wish i could have all my friends over to have a party or something but i had to be the one to have assholes for parents i mean they think if i walk outside i might get rapped or fucking kidnapped and i mean come on now i can't even like go to the mall without them freaking out and i mean my mom drinks alot and i cant have a real convseration with her as i used to shannon is like the bitch of all moms and wants me here when she wants me and then when im around wheni want to be around she doesn't want me because i get on her nerves and i mean i can never hang with them because they are either gettin high or there fucking drinking or watching a movie and shannon always says that she gets tried of children because she is around them all the time and that shyt pisses me off i'm her own fucking kid not some kid you get ride of whenever so i mean and another thing i feel bad becuase i hate being lonely and thats my problem because i always screw myself over i mean i want to go here and there and i could if mom and shannon did hold me back and like they hold on to the past and it pisses me off i'm not the same maria i used to be i smoke ciggs but i dont do weeds and i haven't done any other drugs i failed english but i got a fucking job and fucking paid fucking 300 dollars to make it up so i could pass i mean what the fuck and then my job went down the drain because of my uncle so i mean i'm not working wiht him any more i'm scared to get a fucking job while going to school because my grades are going to drop i fucking know it and another thing i'm fucking passing english and its fucking summer shouldnt i be able to fucking out i understand not everyday because you get tried but i mean what the fuck i get up i got to school i fall asleep in class but i fukcing ahve a 97 in there so i mean what fuck am i supposed to do fucki mean i can't do shit right and it pisses me off i mean i'll find it out after a while but i'll probly find out after i loss fucking everyone and i have no one and i'm trying to get them back because i'm a mad a asshole of myself i mean what the fuck am i supposed to do i'm sorry guys for laying this all on you and i bet have you aren't going to read it but i just thought i would say was on my mind because i'm pissed and i mean god it fucking driving me crazy i'm going to go smoke and fucking thing of what the fuck to do because i dont know because i'm big fucking loser i guess but whatever