(no subject)
I'm updating. Something I've been avoiding forever... but I'm doing it. I suppose it's time.
I've been pretty.... pretty something. There's not really an adjective to describe how I've been... it's kinda a mix of different things. A little happy, kinda pissed off, somewhat depressed - a nice souffle of descriptive words, if you will.
Yea, I've got problems like the rest of us. Questions that need answering. Mental illnesses that need tending to. But hey, what do you expect from me? I'm lazy... you know.
So in a month I'll be seventeen. It's weird, but that seems old. Sixteen doesn't seem that old... but when you turn seventeen... it seems, well... old. Maybe that's just me.
I don't know what to do with myself these days. I spend most of my time at drama... there are people and things to do... I mean, that's my life. Outside of drama, I don't know what to do with myself. I don't really do much. Hell, it's Friday night and I'm at home... I just spent the last couple of hours listening to music lying in bed... not a bad life, but not one I would choose if I had the choice.
I've noticed that I'm still lonely. I mean... I've been lonely... but now it's just like in my face lonely. I have lots of friends... this, I know. But seriously, when you've gone a long time without anybody to love... you know lonliness and how hard and painful it is. Granted, it's something I deal with and can deal with, but it's not something I want to deal with. I wish it was easy... finding somebody. But it's not. Especially when this world is so full of people who are quick to judge based on your appearance. That's where it sucks.
....Anyway.
My brother's going out with Alyia again. She treats him like crap. And most people don't understand why he still likes her... but I know exactly how he feels. I mean, after having feelings for somebody for so long... they just don't seem to go away, no matter how hard you try. And she does treat him like crap. And he should treat her like crap... but he can't. He can't because he loves her too much. Oh I know that feeling all too well. No matter how hard he wants to... it's not gonna happen. They're almost perfect for each other, and I don't think neither one of them sees it... which is sad. Well, maybe he sees it, but not her. She definetely doesn't - the way she plays games with him and takes advantage of his feelings... ha, I know that feeling. I feel bad for him. Why do people have to suck when you love them? I don't understand.
...I guess the easiest way to explain it is in the immortal words of The Kinks:
"Girls will be boys and boys will be girls,
It's a mixed up mumbled up shook up world excpet for Lola... L-O-L-A Lola. La la la la Lola"
And so on this Friday night I sit at my computer desk and type away meaningless jibber-jabber if only to amuse myself and the few other people that might come across this entry and say 'hey, I wonder what good ol' Josh has to talk about today?'
But I guess it doesn't really matter... does it? It doesn't matter if anybody reads it, really... cause in the end, you'll never really know if anybody cared... will you? They'll leave a comment, if they feel so obliged, and they'll type what they think is the best thing to say for that particular moment.
I don't know about you... but I'd rather not receive one comment on this entry than receive twenty comments that will leave me asking 'I wonder if they really cared... or if they just felt like it was the right thing to say.'
...
People change... a lot. No matter how much you hate it. No matter how much you try to stop it... it's going to happen. And you really have to deal with it. That's another problem of mine on the list - dealing with change. I don't really want to deal with change. I'd rather just let it be and not feel the pressure it places on everything else around it.
I think one of my best friends is gay. It's not that I care... I love gay people. But he's one of my best friends - and I don't know if he is or if he's not, nor how long he might have been... but I now that this will probably change things between us... which is something I'm not looking forward to.
Do me a favor - be yourself. Just do it.
And I guess that's all.
I've been pretty.... pretty something. There's not really an adjective to describe how I've been... it's kinda a mix of different things. A little happy, kinda pissed off, somewhat depressed - a nice souffle of descriptive words, if you will.
Yea, I've got problems like the rest of us. Questions that need answering. Mental illnesses that need tending to. But hey, what do you expect from me? I'm lazy... you know.
So in a month I'll be seventeen. It's weird, but that seems old. Sixteen doesn't seem that old... but when you turn seventeen... it seems, well... old. Maybe that's just me.
I don't know what to do with myself these days. I spend most of my time at drama... there are people and things to do... I mean, that's my life. Outside of drama, I don't know what to do with myself. I don't really do much. Hell, it's Friday night and I'm at home... I just spent the last couple of hours listening to music lying in bed... not a bad life, but not one I would choose if I had the choice.
I've noticed that I'm still lonely. I mean... I've been lonely... but now it's just like in my face lonely. I have lots of friends... this, I know. But seriously, when you've gone a long time without anybody to love... you know lonliness and how hard and painful it is. Granted, it's something I deal with and can deal with, but it's not something I want to deal with. I wish it was easy... finding somebody. But it's not. Especially when this world is so full of people who are quick to judge based on your appearance. That's where it sucks.
....Anyway.
My brother's going out with Alyia again. She treats him like crap. And most people don't understand why he still likes her... but I know exactly how he feels. I mean, after having feelings for somebody for so long... they just don't seem to go away, no matter how hard you try. And she does treat him like crap. And he should treat her like crap... but he can't. He can't because he loves her too much. Oh I know that feeling all too well. No matter how hard he wants to... it's not gonna happen. They're almost perfect for each other, and I don't think neither one of them sees it... which is sad. Well, maybe he sees it, but not her. She definetely doesn't - the way she plays games with him and takes advantage of his feelings... ha, I know that feeling. I feel bad for him. Why do people have to suck when you love them? I don't understand.
...I guess the easiest way to explain it is in the immortal words of The Kinks:
"Girls will be boys and boys will be girls,
It's a mixed up mumbled up shook up world excpet for Lola... L-O-L-A Lola. La la la la Lola"
And so on this Friday night I sit at my computer desk and type away meaningless jibber-jabber if only to amuse myself and the few other people that might come across this entry and say 'hey, I wonder what good ol' Josh has to talk about today?'
But I guess it doesn't really matter... does it? It doesn't matter if anybody reads it, really... cause in the end, you'll never really know if anybody cared... will you? They'll leave a comment, if they feel so obliged, and they'll type what they think is the best thing to say for that particular moment.
I don't know about you... but I'd rather not receive one comment on this entry than receive twenty comments that will leave me asking 'I wonder if they really cared... or if they just felt like it was the right thing to say.'
...
People change... a lot. No matter how much you hate it. No matter how much you try to stop it... it's going to happen. And you really have to deal with it. That's another problem of mine on the list - dealing with change. I don't really want to deal with change. I'd rather just let it be and not feel the pressure it places on everything else around it.
I think one of my best friends is gay. It's not that I care... I love gay people. But he's one of my best friends - and I don't know if he is or if he's not, nor how long he might have been... but I now that this will probably change things between us... which is something I'm not looking forward to.
Do me a favor - be yourself. Just do it.
And I guess that's all.