The Twelve Days of Christmas
December 26th 7pm
John,
Though I appreciate the thought, imagine, as I am sure you can, I come home from running a diagnostic on the gate, to find a ZPM sitting on my desk. The initial shock soon passed and I was about to rush over to it when your dulcet tones entered my head, I glanced around the room and seeing no evil life sucking vampires or any other beasties, I ran over to the ZPM. Oh the intrigue and mystery to find out that it was a fake. Hear the sarcasm? A meticulously planned joke, with help from a messy haired, bespectacled, son of a swine Czech, to have little bulbs and a battery source so that the damn thing lit up. And all the while I’d still prefer the real thing. A fully charged ZPM.
December 27th 8pm
Oh My God Rodney! I know you are bummed that you couldn’t get them ready for Christmas day - But Greatest Present ever! Remote controlled mini Puddle Jumpers! I am so going to drive everyone mad now with these. Hmm you’re still working. Boring. Wonder if Lorne is up for a race? Two Puddle Jumpers!
December 28th 10am
John,
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! YES!
Guess what Radek and I found today while you were out on mission baby-sit? Well, we were searching for a crystal that would fit in the main control panel of the sewage system as a back up in case we needed it, I mean that’s the one thing apart from life support and shields that you don’t want to be without….especially the way that not-stuffing hasn’t been agreeing with a lot of people. Anyway, you’ll never guess and when I tell you - come find me - I’m in lab three. Three Personal Shields!
December 29th 4pm
Rodney,
Gone to infirmary- need a few stitches- nothing to worry about. Was sparring with Ronon and can you believe that he produced sticks from nowhere. I mean Knives - sure, but four fighting sticks?
December 30th
You have got to be kidding me! We keep playing this hide and seek game with the Wraith and we are going to come to a very sticky end. It’s draining far too much power you know. Well we survived this time. Writing this as I will be asleep when you get in and I need to rant at someone! Still can’t believe we did it. Five Hive Ships!
December 31st 11.59pm
Rodney,
Although watching you drool on to MY pillow is always endearing, I can’t help but think we could have celebrated in a much more - how can I put it? Carnal way. The Hive Ships passed us by and it was New Years Eve. And the one person I want to kiss at midnight is snoring in dreamland. So I’m going for a run. Gotta get it out of my system one way or another. You owe me BIG after drinking six pints of smurff piss.
January 1st.
So I guess you won’t read this note - but it helps to write things down, or so I’m told. I wish I hadn’t drunk so much last night. Then I could have come with you on that stupid mission. Instead of moaning and groaning, not in a good way, from the hangover from hell. Damn it. I should have been there with you. Trust you to go and get yourself captured! Teyla and Ronon managed to get out of there ok but not you. You had to go play the hero, you selfish son of a bitch! Well we are mounting a rescue as I write and hopefully the people that took you will have beaten some sense into you by the time we arrive. God I don’t mean that. I take it back. Just don’t di-
Just be safe.
We are leaving soon so I must stop writing now. We have got the bounty that Ronon and Teyla came back with to help us. Seven Wraith Stunners.
January 2nd
OK. So now you are really starting to worry me you know? We get there, to the planet where you were taken by those bastards and you weren’t there. No where. The only life signs we had were from left over decoy baddies. Where the hell have you gone? I’ve run countless programmes on the DHD and it could be any number of gate addresses. Why do you always have to do this to me? I have seen you die too many times and now all I want is to see you alive one more time at least. So I can give you a piece of my mind! We won’t give up. I promise.
I’m going to go watch them interrogate the ones we captured. See if I can pick anything out of their lying mouths. One of them must know something. After all they are eight Genii spies.
January 3rd
I wish you could have seen it. I mean I will tell you all about it when you are back, probably with full technicolor diagrams and everything. We dialled an address. The MALP was sent. It showed nothing. So of course we were ambushed. Lorne did well though. Didn’t freak out like some Lt. Colonels I know. Still. We think the Genii dialled this planet so that this would happen. We would get caught up in fighting the Replicators and stop looking for you. Not. Going. To. Happen. Still we got out got out of there ASAP, and not before I told the gate to shut down and never to open again, but they have ships right? So yeah we are screwed either way.
Where the hell are you? You re supposed to calm me down after missions like this, talk some god damn sense into me and ground me. It’s been three days, I haven’t slept, and I’ve only eaten because I’ve been told to. There’s this little voice in my head, you by the way, that keeps telling me to keep my sugars up.
Are you okay?
Are they feeding you where you are?
God I wish I could just hear your voice, see your face.
But I digress. I mean Teyla, Ronon and Lorne killed a lot more but I think I would have made you proud. I killed nine Replicators.
January 4th
So we kinda made some progress today. Multiple teams went out to many different worlds. They have been doing so for the past few days. But I actually feel like we got somewhere today. Over the last couple of days they - we, have searched countless planets for you. You know those four o’clock in the morning conversations that we don’t talk about in the cold light of day? You need not worry you know. You have a family. One that loves and cares for you, very much. God I’m glad you will never read this. You would find it far too smaltzy. Is that even a word?
Anyway we whittled it down. Hold on. We’re coming. Teams are going out again to the final ten gate addresses.
January 5th
I’ve never been a religious man, but thank god. You are home. In the infirmary and badly dehydrated but you are home. Safe. And alive. Those bastards. Dumb, stupid, dim-witted, brainless, obtuse, thick headed bloody people. When will they get it in to their heads that kidnapping one of us never works?
Ok so you are in the infirmary and I’m writing this by your bedside. Doting though I am. I’m sure you would call it fussing. You’re on some sort of drug cocktail to hydrate and help you sleep. You look awful. Even your hair is flat. But at least I can touch you. At least I can see your face.
And apart from the Yay! good news that you are back, Teyla did well also. The teams went out and Telya did some chit chatting before Ronon could even lift his gun. Found out that the creeps that took you had been through the village a couple of days ago and as far as they knew hadn’t left the planet. So we, well they, tracked you down, rescued you. Teyla also found out that the natives had been experiencing trouble with some of their equipment so while you were being rescued I was put to work sorting that out. I’m still sporting the bruises from Lorne and Ronon in the “persuading” of me to stay and be useful rather than getting in the way. You really must talk to your men about hurting me. They should know I bruise very easily.
So I fix it and they are like all grateful. Really Madison could have done it. Anyway, I’m beat and you’re still asleep. So, I’m just going to sit here and grab a nap. Oh by the way, all the clans of the village now want to be our friends. We got ourselves eleven trading partners.
January 6th
Hey.
So like don’t rant at me for reading your notes to me ok? I woke up and saw them lying on your lap. So not wanting to disturb your nap I stole them and read them. Jeeze Rodney. It’s not like I do it on purpose. I guess I’m just irresistible. I’m fine. A little woozy and a lot tired but I’m fine. I’m here. And I know I would be in the self same sate of mind if it had been you that had been taken. I guess I just wanted to say that I’m sorry that I put you through that and that’s not something I can ever say easily. I guess sometimes it really is easier to write things down sometimes. I can see how hard the last couple of days have been on you. Frowning even as you sleep. I promise I will talk to Lorne and Ronon. Let them in on well you know what, that way they may be more lenient towards you. Don’t panic. They are good people, we can trust them with this, hell we do it with our lives all the time so why not this?
So yeah, what a way to start the new year. I hope this doesn’t set the tone for the whole year as that would really suck.
Well this is tiring me out more than I thought it would and the drugs they have me on are coming back in full force. I’m here, I’m safe and you can touch me, see me. Even if I am asleep when you wake up from all the sleep you have missed. And If I am asleep when you wake up, please wake me with twelve gentle kisses.
-End-
Also works in song format too:
On the twelfth day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Twelve gentle kisses
Eleven trading partners
Ten gate addresses
Nine Replicators
Eight Genii spies
Seven Wraith stunners
Six pints of Smurf piss
Five Hive Ships
Four fighting sticks
Three personal shields
Two Puddle Jumpers
And a fully charged ZedPM.
John,
Though I appreciate the thought, imagine, as I am sure you can, I come home from running a diagnostic on the gate, to find a ZPM sitting on my desk. The initial shock soon passed and I was about to rush over to it when your dulcet tones entered my head, I glanced around the room and seeing no evil life sucking vampires or any other beasties, I ran over to the ZPM. Oh the intrigue and mystery to find out that it was a fake. Hear the sarcasm? A meticulously planned joke, with help from a messy haired, bespectacled, son of a swine Czech, to have little bulbs and a battery source so that the damn thing lit up. And all the while I’d still prefer the real thing. A fully charged ZPM.
December 27th 8pm
Oh My God Rodney! I know you are bummed that you couldn’t get them ready for Christmas day - But Greatest Present ever! Remote controlled mini Puddle Jumpers! I am so going to drive everyone mad now with these. Hmm you’re still working. Boring. Wonder if Lorne is up for a race? Two Puddle Jumpers!
December 28th 10am
John,
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! YES!
Guess what Radek and I found today while you were out on mission baby-sit? Well, we were searching for a crystal that would fit in the main control panel of the sewage system as a back up in case we needed it, I mean that’s the one thing apart from life support and shields that you don’t want to be without….especially the way that not-stuffing hasn’t been agreeing with a lot of people. Anyway, you’ll never guess and when I tell you - come find me - I’m in lab three. Three Personal Shields!
December 29th 4pm
Rodney,
Gone to infirmary- need a few stitches- nothing to worry about. Was sparring with Ronon and can you believe that he produced sticks from nowhere. I mean Knives - sure, but four fighting sticks?
December 30th
You have got to be kidding me! We keep playing this hide and seek game with the Wraith and we are going to come to a very sticky end. It’s draining far too much power you know. Well we survived this time. Writing this as I will be asleep when you get in and I need to rant at someone! Still can’t believe we did it. Five Hive Ships!
December 31st 11.59pm
Rodney,
Although watching you drool on to MY pillow is always endearing, I can’t help but think we could have celebrated in a much more - how can I put it? Carnal way. The Hive Ships passed us by and it was New Years Eve. And the one person I want to kiss at midnight is snoring in dreamland. So I’m going for a run. Gotta get it out of my system one way or another. You owe me BIG after drinking six pints of smurff piss.
January 1st.
So I guess you won’t read this note - but it helps to write things down, or so I’m told. I wish I hadn’t drunk so much last night. Then I could have come with you on that stupid mission. Instead of moaning and groaning, not in a good way, from the hangover from hell. Damn it. I should have been there with you. Trust you to go and get yourself captured! Teyla and Ronon managed to get out of there ok but not you. You had to go play the hero, you selfish son of a bitch! Well we are mounting a rescue as I write and hopefully the people that took you will have beaten some sense into you by the time we arrive. God I don’t mean that. I take it back. Just don’t di-
Just be safe.
We are leaving soon so I must stop writing now. We have got the bounty that Ronon and Teyla came back with to help us. Seven Wraith Stunners.
January 2nd
OK. So now you are really starting to worry me you know? We get there, to the planet where you were taken by those bastards and you weren’t there. No where. The only life signs we had were from left over decoy baddies. Where the hell have you gone? I’ve run countless programmes on the DHD and it could be any number of gate addresses. Why do you always have to do this to me? I have seen you die too many times and now all I want is to see you alive one more time at least. So I can give you a piece of my mind! We won’t give up. I promise.
I’m going to go watch them interrogate the ones we captured. See if I can pick anything out of their lying mouths. One of them must know something. After all they are eight Genii spies.
January 3rd
I wish you could have seen it. I mean I will tell you all about it when you are back, probably with full technicolor diagrams and everything. We dialled an address. The MALP was sent. It showed nothing. So of course we were ambushed. Lorne did well though. Didn’t freak out like some Lt. Colonels I know. Still. We think the Genii dialled this planet so that this would happen. We would get caught up in fighting the Replicators and stop looking for you. Not. Going. To. Happen. Still we got out got out of there ASAP, and not before I told the gate to shut down and never to open again, but they have ships right? So yeah we are screwed either way.
Where the hell are you? You re supposed to calm me down after missions like this, talk some god damn sense into me and ground me. It’s been three days, I haven’t slept, and I’ve only eaten because I’ve been told to. There’s this little voice in my head, you by the way, that keeps telling me to keep my sugars up.
Are you okay?
Are they feeding you where you are?
God I wish I could just hear your voice, see your face.
But I digress. I mean Teyla, Ronon and Lorne killed a lot more but I think I would have made you proud. I killed nine Replicators.
January 4th
So we kinda made some progress today. Multiple teams went out to many different worlds. They have been doing so for the past few days. But I actually feel like we got somewhere today. Over the last couple of days they - we, have searched countless planets for you. You know those four o’clock in the morning conversations that we don’t talk about in the cold light of day? You need not worry you know. You have a family. One that loves and cares for you, very much. God I’m glad you will never read this. You would find it far too smaltzy. Is that even a word?
Anyway we whittled it down. Hold on. We’re coming. Teams are going out again to the final ten gate addresses.
January 5th
I’ve never been a religious man, but thank god. You are home. In the infirmary and badly dehydrated but you are home. Safe. And alive. Those bastards. Dumb, stupid, dim-witted, brainless, obtuse, thick headed bloody people. When will they get it in to their heads that kidnapping one of us never works?
Ok so you are in the infirmary and I’m writing this by your bedside. Doting though I am. I’m sure you would call it fussing. You’re on some sort of drug cocktail to hydrate and help you sleep. You look awful. Even your hair is flat. But at least I can touch you. At least I can see your face.
And apart from the Yay! good news that you are back, Teyla did well also. The teams went out and Telya did some chit chatting before Ronon could even lift his gun. Found out that the creeps that took you had been through the village a couple of days ago and as far as they knew hadn’t left the planet. So we, well they, tracked you down, rescued you. Teyla also found out that the natives had been experiencing trouble with some of their equipment so while you were being rescued I was put to work sorting that out. I’m still sporting the bruises from Lorne and Ronon in the “persuading” of me to stay and be useful rather than getting in the way. You really must talk to your men about hurting me. They should know I bruise very easily.
So I fix it and they are like all grateful. Really Madison could have done it. Anyway, I’m beat and you’re still asleep. So, I’m just going to sit here and grab a nap. Oh by the way, all the clans of the village now want to be our friends. We got ourselves eleven trading partners.
January 6th
Hey.
So like don’t rant at me for reading your notes to me ok? I woke up and saw them lying on your lap. So not wanting to disturb your nap I stole them and read them. Jeeze Rodney. It’s not like I do it on purpose. I guess I’m just irresistible. I’m fine. A little woozy and a lot tired but I’m fine. I’m here. And I know I would be in the self same sate of mind if it had been you that had been taken. I guess I just wanted to say that I’m sorry that I put you through that and that’s not something I can ever say easily. I guess sometimes it really is easier to write things down sometimes. I can see how hard the last couple of days have been on you. Frowning even as you sleep. I promise I will talk to Lorne and Ronon. Let them in on well you know what, that way they may be more lenient towards you. Don’t panic. They are good people, we can trust them with this, hell we do it with our lives all the time so why not this?
So yeah, what a way to start the new year. I hope this doesn’t set the tone for the whole year as that would really suck.
Well this is tiring me out more than I thought it would and the drugs they have me on are coming back in full force. I’m here, I’m safe and you can touch me, see me. Even if I am asleep when you wake up from all the sleep you have missed. And If I am asleep when you wake up, please wake me with twelve gentle kisses.
-End-
Also works in song format too:
On the twelfth day of Christmas my True Love gave to me:
Twelve gentle kisses
Eleven trading partners
Ten gate addresses
Nine Replicators
Eight Genii spies
Seven Wraith stunners
Six pints of Smurf piss
Five Hive Ships
Four fighting sticks
Three personal shields
Two Puddle Jumpers
And a fully charged ZedPM.