the richness..
from June 16th, 2009
"Stop thinking so much about everything. Live in the now. Put off the future. You're driving yourself crazy."
Exact quote from my lovely and wise counselor, Erma. I sometimes walk out of that office more confused than when I enter. She tells me I am self aware and insightful enough to be done with treatment in three months or less. I believe her. But the loops! My mind works a thousand miles an hour sometimes, and she still manages to stop my cogs instantly. Like a fork caught in the garbage disposal, I can feel my leftover thoughts and memory crumbs jumbling around, trying to escape her logical tines. There are few things less eerie than peering into your dusty corners with a stranger, and coming out with the feeling that they understand you better than you do. Sometimes I wonder if it's easier to leave the piles alone. Digging through forgotten boxes of memoirs and forgotten bytes of memories is exhausting. It's hard to walk away clean. I'm a very clean person.
That's the other thing. My control. My life is a microcosm of the human struggle. And I am the queen of micromanaging. Except - well, I'm not too efficient. When the towels are all perfectly folded and facing the same direction - well, I still feel pretty powerless against the weather and bad drivers.
All week I've been contemplating why I'm so scared of things. My intuition suggests something that seems common sense - It's really not natural the way we live.... Maybe I'm not so crazy....maybe I'm just more open about fear...
Hard to tell. Overmedicated, quasi educated. our society is learning to tune ourselves out. Doctor, doctor! My toe, it tells me death is looming in the corners! Well, ma'am, that's certainly something we can take care. How does a few years pf psychotherapy and a prescripting for Xannies sound? Oh, don't worry. The first 12 hours are covered by insurance. No, it probably won't go away. Just breathe deep. Think of red.
Or any colour will do, really. Distraction is what we're aiming for.
Greg, the other Womack boy, he said, "You know, all life is a distraction from death. Everything we do is just a way to forget about the end."
I think I'm going to start writing about the end. I told him, "We have to embrace it. Life isn't rich until you've tasted the fear of what comes after."
"Stop thinking so much about everything. Live in the now. Put off the future. You're driving yourself crazy."
Exact quote from my lovely and wise counselor, Erma. I sometimes walk out of that office more confused than when I enter. She tells me I am self aware and insightful enough to be done with treatment in three months or less. I believe her. But the loops! My mind works a thousand miles an hour sometimes, and she still manages to stop my cogs instantly. Like a fork caught in the garbage disposal, I can feel my leftover thoughts and memory crumbs jumbling around, trying to escape her logical tines. There are few things less eerie than peering into your dusty corners with a stranger, and coming out with the feeling that they understand you better than you do. Sometimes I wonder if it's easier to leave the piles alone. Digging through forgotten boxes of memoirs and forgotten bytes of memories is exhausting. It's hard to walk away clean. I'm a very clean person.
That's the other thing. My control. My life is a microcosm of the human struggle. And I am the queen of micromanaging. Except - well, I'm not too efficient. When the towels are all perfectly folded and facing the same direction - well, I still feel pretty powerless against the weather and bad drivers.
All week I've been contemplating why I'm so scared of things. My intuition suggests something that seems common sense - It's really not natural the way we live.... Maybe I'm not so crazy....maybe I'm just more open about fear...
Hard to tell. Overmedicated, quasi educated. our society is learning to tune ourselves out. Doctor, doctor! My toe, it tells me death is looming in the corners! Well, ma'am, that's certainly something we can take care. How does a few years pf psychotherapy and a prescripting for Xannies sound? Oh, don't worry. The first 12 hours are covered by insurance. No, it probably won't go away. Just breathe deep. Think of red.
Or any colour will do, really. Distraction is what we're aiming for.
Greg, the other Womack boy, he said, "You know, all life is a distraction from death. Everything we do is just a way to forget about the end."
I think I'm going to start writing about the end. I told him, "We have to embrace it. Life isn't rich until you've tasted the fear of what comes after."