...Mad World...
If ever i used to think things happened by coincidence, i disbelieve it now. Things happen for a reason, coincidences happen too often and are often too weird to simply be on accident. Chances are to high for things to happen and for things to fall into a row as often as they do is just too far fetched.
I remember so many things in my life, so much. When i was a kid and how i used to dote over video games and legos, my mom coming home in the morning from working all night and then sleeping till 12 when her soaps would come on. Going to movies with her and then to dinner. Renting movies and bringin home chinese.
They say when you lose a part of your senses ie hearing or touch your others are strenghtened. Well i think there is a sixth sense that isn't spoken of. I think it has to do with our pwn personal self, our persona, our masks that we play on. When you lose that the others are strenghtened. Except this sense can be lost for mere hours then return or last days or months or years. Some people can live through their disability others can not. But it seems as of late my emotions are so stirred. My memory banks are flooded with thousands of tiny movies that play out a point in my life good or bad. I can't go through a few hours without crying about something anymore.
There's so much in my life that i miss or pine for and yet i can't get any back and i know i can't. IF anyone knows me even a little you all know that i'm prolly the most analytical person ever, i recount situations over and over and i have a pretty solid grasp of how things work. And in time i can always put myself in others shoes. I'm not nieve. I understand when things are at fault and when things aren't feasible and when they are. I understand that things aren't worth obssesing over. But for some reason, even though i have this analytical background and i am able to see all of how this works and what's worth and what's not... i cant follow through on my own thinking. I always seem to fall victim to that which i warned others or even myself against. And then when it happens i question myself as to why i'm doing this knowing that i shouldn't but... human error we all fall victim to our emotions. I followed my heart all to often and not my brain enough. That was a fatal error in life...
I remember so many things in my life, so much. When i was a kid and how i used to dote over video games and legos, my mom coming home in the morning from working all night and then sleeping till 12 when her soaps would come on. Going to movies with her and then to dinner. Renting movies and bringin home chinese.
They say when you lose a part of your senses ie hearing or touch your others are strenghtened. Well i think there is a sixth sense that isn't spoken of. I think it has to do with our pwn personal self, our persona, our masks that we play on. When you lose that the others are strenghtened. Except this sense can be lost for mere hours then return or last days or months or years. Some people can live through their disability others can not. But it seems as of late my emotions are so stirred. My memory banks are flooded with thousands of tiny movies that play out a point in my life good or bad. I can't go through a few hours without crying about something anymore.
There's so much in my life that i miss or pine for and yet i can't get any back and i know i can't. IF anyone knows me even a little you all know that i'm prolly the most analytical person ever, i recount situations over and over and i have a pretty solid grasp of how things work. And in time i can always put myself in others shoes. I'm not nieve. I understand when things are at fault and when things aren't feasible and when they are. I understand that things aren't worth obssesing over. But for some reason, even though i have this analytical background and i am able to see all of how this works and what's worth and what's not... i cant follow through on my own thinking. I always seem to fall victim to that which i warned others or even myself against. And then when it happens i question myself as to why i'm doing this knowing that i shouldn't but... human error we all fall victim to our emotions. I followed my heart all to often and not my brain enough. That was a fatal error in life...