(no subject)
During the course of a conversation with someone I have known since grade school, I happened to mention my most recent bout of being crazy. To which she replied "Nikki, you've always been crazy". And I realized something. 1) She was absolutely right, 2) She, and a whole bunch of other people knew it, and 3) They all loved me anyway.
You see, I was talking to a different friend the last time I came out here while still living in Denver and telling her how much I wanted to move back to California, and she said "It won't be like this all of the time you know". What she meant was a big group of us sitting around for hours talking and laughing our asses off. And I knew that. But that wasn't what made me want to come back. I couldn't express it then, but I think I can take a whack at it now. Here, I have people who know pretty much everything about me, all of my worst qualities, all of the stupid things I have done, and guess what? They love me anyway. "Warts and all", as both braincake and orson_z have phrased it at one time or another. And you know what? There wasn't ever a single person in Denver who I could say that about. There were people who loved me as long as I behaved myself in one way or another, met their expectations of what I should be. But that isn't enough. Especially for someone who is perpetually broken like I am. So, you see, it is "like this all of the time" now. And I am truly blessed.
You see, I was talking to a different friend the last time I came out here while still living in Denver and telling her how much I wanted to move back to California, and she said "It won't be like this all of the time you know". What she meant was a big group of us sitting around for hours talking and laughing our asses off. And I knew that. But that wasn't what made me want to come back. I couldn't express it then, but I think I can take a whack at it now. Here, I have people who know pretty much everything about me, all of my worst qualities, all of the stupid things I have done, and guess what? They love me anyway. "Warts and all", as both braincake and orson_z have phrased it at one time or another. And you know what? There wasn't ever a single person in Denver who I could say that about. There were people who loved me as long as I behaved myself in one way or another, met their expectations of what I should be. But that isn't enough. Especially for someone who is perpetually broken like I am. So, you see, it is "like this all of the time" now. And I am truly blessed.