reminiscing
I hate it when I do this, but I just made myself cry once again. First out of anger, then out of happiness. Me, being the curious person that I am, wandered onto the eannuzzi's website just to take a look around, because jessica had showed it to me before, but I only got a glimpse of it. So of course I have to look at every picture and it amazes me how happy they seem. Yes a picture is only a frozen spot in time, but seriously...they look so god damn happy. And here is where my jealousy comes into play. My family is never that happy...not even in pictures. Everytime we come in contact with each other some one ends up yelling at someone else and everybody hates each other. We've never had a perfect holiday, someone always ended up screwing it up by being an asshole. Sure my sister's are grown up and gone on to doing there own things, but I always wish I could go back in time and do things differently. And I know, everything happens for a reason and everyone's life isn't perfect. But I think I know mine too well to see the best in it.
And then I remembered what good friends we used to be, I used to tell her everything, I used to go over her house whenever I wanted to get away. Their family was like my second home and I miss that. I remember playing video games and transformers with zachary and playing with stuffed animals with victoria. I remember going over her house every single day before school and after school, to simply sit and do nothing and everything. When gen used to make hot chocolate and toast. When we'd play in the pool for hours. When I came home from school that one day in fifth grade with puke in my binder because a kid puked in it and gen cleaned it for me. When i ran into the wooden swingset thing that they had while playing egg football and had a lump on my head the size of an egg. When i used to go with them to zacharys hockey games and we'd play video games the whole time, when I went to dance with her a couple of times. In girl scouts when we'd do the stupidest things. one time when they slept over and we played cards and bet with sugar and potato chip and i wanted to see if orange soda smelled like oranges so i sniffed it and it went up my nose. when we'd play hockey together even though I sucked. that time when our families went to the mideval fair. And especially when me and victoria would play cats on my front lawn after religion class ended while our mothers would talk. and it all happened simply because we had the same shoes in first grade. but this friendship was destroyed at the end of seventh grade on the boston trip. I had that feeling in my stomach that something bad was going to happen and it did....I lost my best friend.
Since then...things have never been the same. We both apologized for what had happened, but we've never hung out together. We're so different now, nothing connects. I've never had a friend as good as her and I don't think I ever will.
I hate when these kind of things happen...i really do. punished for the next 12 days. ugh i need to hang out with people. library on wed though, of course like always...i can't break this tradition. i think this time we're gonna play hide and go seek.
And then I remembered what good friends we used to be, I used to tell her everything, I used to go over her house whenever I wanted to get away. Their family was like my second home and I miss that. I remember playing video games and transformers with zachary and playing with stuffed animals with victoria. I remember going over her house every single day before school and after school, to simply sit and do nothing and everything. When gen used to make hot chocolate and toast. When we'd play in the pool for hours. When I came home from school that one day in fifth grade with puke in my binder because a kid puked in it and gen cleaned it for me. When i ran into the wooden swingset thing that they had while playing egg football and had a lump on my head the size of an egg. When i used to go with them to zacharys hockey games and we'd play video games the whole time, when I went to dance with her a couple of times. In girl scouts when we'd do the stupidest things. one time when they slept over and we played cards and bet with sugar and potato chip and i wanted to see if orange soda smelled like oranges so i sniffed it and it went up my nose. when we'd play hockey together even though I sucked. that time when our families went to the mideval fair. And especially when me and victoria would play cats on my front lawn after religion class ended while our mothers would talk. and it all happened simply because we had the same shoes in first grade. but this friendship was destroyed at the end of seventh grade on the boston trip. I had that feeling in my stomach that something bad was going to happen and it did....I lost my best friend.
Since then...things have never been the same. We both apologized for what had happened, but we've never hung out together. We're so different now, nothing connects. I've never had a friend as good as her and I don't think I ever will.
I hate when these kind of things happen...i really do. punished for the next 12 days. ugh i need to hang out with people. library on wed though, of course like always...i can't break this tradition. i think this time we're gonna play hide and go seek.