finished this from last year but didn't feel like posting it anywhere but here because i got no time to edit, add some twist, and explain more about taemin so the result is meh...
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Un.
Today is supposed to be Jinri's first day in elementary school, but she finds it hard to share a room with kids calling her names and make fun of her height. It's not nice, she thinks. Thus, she walks out the door when the teacher's out to grab some name tags and goes to her mom, but she's nowhere to be found. She sees a boy at the school playground and decides to join him on the swings.
"Hello, my name is Jinri!" She beams, stretching out her arm to him.
"Hi, I'm Taemin. I've never seen you before, pretty Jinri." The bright boy answers in similar tone as hers.
She nods, "This is my first day here, mom said it would be fun and i would get to know many new friends, but I don't think so. They're not nice."
"Ah, Jinri has to call me oppa, it's my second year here." He laughs, "But what did your friends do to you?"
"They made fun of my height, oppa." Jinri whines. She's so cute, Taemin notes in his mind. He stands up from the swing and gestures Jinri to do so. He proceeds to figure out how much taller Jinri than he is. One span of his hand.
"Of course they did, you're so.. what to put it in word, huge?"
"Oppa!" Jinri pretends to hit him. "But you're pretty!" He says behind his arms he's using to shield him from Jinri's so-called-rage. "Really?" She stops.
"Yes, my pretty Jinri. But you're still towering." Taemin runs and Jinri calls his name at the top of her lungs until the teachers finally get out from the class and shouts "There you are, Choi Jinri, go back to your class!"
She mentally slaps herself for being so loud but she finds herself smiling all day long, it's the first time a person makes fun of her and she's not a bit offended. He called her 'my pretty Jinri', anything doesn't really matter.
***
"I wish i were older by now." She slightly pouts.
"Why?" Taemin takes her hand, intertwining their fingers together and tying a red string around both of their pinkie fingers. "Hyung said all of us don't really like our age, I guess he's right." He continues.
Jinri giggles, "So that I can marry you right away! I love oppa more than two of my oppa at home, i guess that means I'll have to marry you?"
Taemin raises their tied pinkie, "I'm going to marry you anyway. Oppa will wait for you, pretty Jinri."
Deux.
Today is supposed to be Jinri's first day in middle school but she thinks first days are boring and she knew about this school already because Taemin always tell her about his (now their) new school. Of course he would, they've been best of friends from the very first day they met, there wasn't a day without them walking hand by hand to the park or Taemin just casually hang around her house, playing with her older brothers and stealing glances with Jinri, whom supposed to be helping her mom in the kitchen. As puberty hits them, Taemin is now slightly taller than Jinri and Jinri can't take his boyish jokes easily, especially when it's the time of the month. They try to understand each other but can't help feeling more apart. At least they're still trying.
She was about to send a message to Taemin so he can sneak out and meet her at the rooftop (his favorite place, he once said to her) when she finally sees him standing star-strucked at the end of the corridor, a food box on his hand with a long haired pretty petite girl, kissing his left cheek sweetly.
"For you, oppa." That girl said before running back to her class, lowering her head when she meet eyes with Jinri. Not today, i guess. Jinri doesn't know why she's crying alone now at Taemin's favorite place. Not until someone opens the rooftop door and find her crying there.
"Sorry, i can go if you want to, i don't know that there'll be someone here. I mean it's class hour, but yeah they're boring, that's why I'm here, i guess you too? Oh no, you're crying! Sorry, I'll just go. But are you sure it's okay to leave you here alone? I mean.." Dammit, she hears him mutters to himself. She finds it funny that the boy is so clueless when it comes to a random crying girl, he seems like a careless boy before.
"No, it's okay. Stay if you want to." He sits down beside her and pats her back. "It'll be alright, whatever your problem is." She smiles. She's prettier like this, he makes a mental note. She smiles wider when he (Jongin is his name) finally introduce himself to her and rants about the boring school orientation, apparently he's at the same grade as Jinri.
When it comes to the comfortable silence after the long talk (which Jinri feels so weird about because they just met an hour ago), she tries her luck, "Jongin, if you have to choose between a tall girl like me or a petite girl who has to cutely tiptoe when she kiss you, which one do you prefer?"
"I'll choose a girl who bravely sneaks out from the class. You're not that tall either, I'm so much taller than you." Jongin answers with a smile, Jinri feels almost secured.
***
"Jinri, you're the closest friend I've ever had so i want to tell you this, you're the first person to know." He takes her hand, putting it on his chest. She realizes that they share the same heart beat.
"I asked Soojung out today and she said yes!" Taemin beams, without noticing Jinri's change of emotion at all. "Oh..."
"Can we grab some ice cream like we used to do? I kind of miss the old us, I don't think Soojung will be happy if we do this more often later, so are you in?"
"Nope, Jongin is waiting for me at the park." She refrains from holding his hand.
"My baby is going out with another boy, I'm so jealous." Oh how much she hope that was true. She feels so stupid believing all that childhood jokes, thinking that Taemin and her can actually work as a couple somehow. They won't.
Trois.
Since then, Jongin was the additional to Jinri's and Taemin's zone. But things happened, Jinri and Taemin stop hanging around together since Taemin started his last year in junior high school, he always say no to her when she tried to pay him a visit, he never make any effort to meet her. Jinri wanted to believe his I'm busy, this senior year is eating me. oh God, i miss you so much, you know. She wanted to, but she still felt the change, she was afraid if she push their friendship, he would go further away. Until finally she felt it, his lies outweigh the good parts of their relationship. So Jinri ignores it, the sudden loneliness wave in her heart.
It's finally the day when Taemin graduates from junior high school, Soojung and him were just a fling though, Taemin said they're still too young for this. That's why she decides to finally reveal her feelings, she likes him so much, she can't put it in the word love. They're still too young for that, she quotes him.
"I like you so much, too. I think you knew it already?" Taemin ruffles her hair. He never saw her as a girl.
So today is the first time she confess her feelings. Jongin doesn't know why but he feels the gnawing in his heart too when Jinri cries in his arms.
"I'm here for you, Jinri. Even when it's the second time, the third time, the gazillion time you tell him and you suddenly need me, I'll always be there for you. I swear." Jinri deepens her embrace. Jongin smells a lot nicer than Taemin, maybe that's why she doesn't want to think of him even one bit when she's in Jongin's arms. Or maybe she thinks it's too funny (foolish, absurd, stupid, selfish) to like her own best friend, because she knows Taemin didn't even watch her walk away.
***
"She loves you, idiot!" says Jongin between his heavy breath. Taemin nods in annoyance.
"And that's what you tell to someone who loves you?"
Taemin laughs mockingly, "We're still young, pal. What do we know about love? My parents are in the verge of submitting the divorce papers, my own brother left the house, he left me. I said, what do you know about love?" He continues, "She should stop liking me. Please tell her that it's impossible for both of us. I'm leaving for America this Saturday, anyway."
Jongin feels weird, he should be happy to know that Jinri is only his to be hold. But instead, his heart crumples from her. Taemin feels weird, he should be relieved because he finally said what he should've said to her. But instead, his heart hurting from disgusting lies. He honestly thinks that he know what love is, Jinri's eyes are the ones who told him.
Quart.
Taemin went to America, living with his now-single-mother, leaving his father and runaway brother behind in Korea. Jinri and Jongin are the new shocking couple in their high school, the popular boy and the girl who cries every fucking day at the rooftop. There is not a single day passed without Jongin reminding Jinri that he loves her, that someday she will love him back, he loves her, he loves her, and always do.
Cinq.
Today is supposed to be Jinri's first day in college, not spending some time alone in the janitor with Jongin kissing her every bare skin that's visible for him. Jongin feels bad, it seems like he use her when he knows there's not even a trace of him in her heart, but if Jongin could only have her in this way, he would. Jinri tries to flex under his kisses. Jongin is my boyfriend, Taemin wouldn't mind this, he wouldn't care. That's when Jinri realizes that her world still revolves around Lee Taemin and she doesn't want Jongin to be hurt, to be the escapement from her unrequited love.
"Stop." Jinri says between the sloppy kisses Jongin's leaving on her collarbone, making his way to her chest, opening one--two buttons of her shirt in the process.
"Kim Jongin, stop! Stop it, you bastard!" Jinri sobs in a nearly audible voice. Jongin stops what he was doing and lean on the wall, eyes still on her. He restrains the urge to punch the wall, punch himself, punch anything in sight for hurting her. What do you know about love, Taemin's words remain on his head.
"Love shouldn't hurt, right? It should make us feel like it's okay being hurt for the ones we love, instead." He muses his answer out loud then strokes Jinri's head. He buttons up her shirt again and embrace her shaking body. Why can't i be him? Why can't you love me back?
"I'm sorry, Jinri. I love you. I'm sorry for hurting you, for being me who unable to make you love me back, unable to make you happy. I'm sorry for not being Taemin. I'm sorry that I couldn't be who you needed me to be." Jongin strokes her spines for uncountable times, whispering sorry I'm not good enough for you, sorry, sorry, until her sobbing finally came to halt. The inexplicable comfort he always give to Jinri stabs her straight at her dying heart. Why can't i love you back? Everything would be easier, right?
***
"Hello?" She knows from the manly sobbing from the other line, so she waits.
"Jinri, i need you." Where were you when i need you? She wants to at least shout it to him, but she shouldn't. That's what friends are for, they said. She wants to be a good person, friend, anything for Taemin, even when he wasn't.
"I'm here, I'm always here for you. What's wrong?"
"I love you, that's wrong. I keep on thinking about you, I couldn't bear the thoughts of losing you to him. No, you can't go to him. Don't leave me." So, this is it. One single call from Taemin and all Jinri's wall crumbles down.
***
"I'm coming back, Jinri," and suddenly nothing is really matter for her anymore.
***
“So, he’s coming back?” Jongin tries to ease the uneasiness in his voice. Everything that’s not yours, will be taken away from you.
Jinri nods and hug Jongin for the last time. “Thank you for all this time, Jongin.”
Six.
“I know I was being a total douche.” He whispers to her ear, between her sobbings on his shoulder.
“Good to hear that.” She smiles, a relieve smile. He chuckles. God, that laugh, i miss him so much, and she deepens their hug, ignoring the fact that they’re at the airport right now. Lovebirds, that’s what people think when they pass Taemin and Jinri.
“But you’ll be more than glad to hear this one..” She breaks the hug and looks at his eyes. What, she tries to speak but there’s no voice come out. He wipes her tears and kisses her eyes.
“I went to America to receive treatments for my bipolar disorder and-” Jinri nearly choked on her own, she thought she was good enough for Taemin, she should’ve known why he always refused her visiting him after his brother left, why he never let Jinri to come to his room even when Taemin was in a bed rest after the fight he broke at the school. She should’ve known that something had changed, but she was too scared to find out.
“Bipolar disorder?”
“Yes, but please don’t worry about it anymore, I’m getting better each day, I promise I won’t hurt you.”
“No...It’s not that i’m scared you’ll hurt me, but it’s the fact that I wasn’t there for you. I thought i was good enough for you, I thought...”
“Baby, it’s okay. You were anything i could ask for. Believe me. I told you to stay away from me, hoping that you would forget me and go on with your life because there’s nothing to do with a sick person like me, right?” Jinri refuses to smile at that statement even when Taemin pulls her face closer to his slowly and tries to draw a smile in his face.
“But you needed me!”
“I need you, that’s why I’m here. I know I’m so selfish for wanting you again in my life.”
“Again?”
“Well, reality check, i’ve always been in love with you since junior high school but i thought you were going out with Jongin and now i guess i can’t hold it in anymore. I never fall out of love with you, not even a single day in my life since then. I’m so sorry.”
“You deserve all my love, Taemin. I promise you, you’ll get better, I won’t ever leave you, again. Please give me one more chance. I’ll show you the better side of me, we’re going to make it together.”
“Sweetheart, you stole my lines.” Taemin smiles again, well he can’t stop doing it since minutes ago, he intertwines their fingers together, their perfectly matched fingers.
All the wait, the childhood stolen kisses, breathings that had been taken away everytime they touch, second glances, all of them, they are all worth it.