AI Results Show - 5/5/11
Recap montage. Judges enter - Randy is in a blue Sgt Peppers meets leisure suit meets Captain Kangaroo jacket, J Lo is dressed in a "I Dream Of Jeannie" outfit by way of ballet class, and Tyler is mostly in black, with sunglasses to hide a few of his wrinkles. Ain't enough Botox in the world, Steven...
60 million votes? Gotta get me one of those "unlimited text" plans...yeesh. Steven Tyler had someone ghostwrite a book for him. It's called "Do the Noises in My Head Bother You?" Actually, Steven, it's the noises that come OUT of you that bother me. Only way I read that book if is someone sends me a free copy for review, and I can get ten bucks for later on e-Bay. J Lo is going to "sing" tonight, and premiere part of newest video. Randy? Ryan jokes that he'll be having a bake sale, after doing a gig with his Journey tribute band at Joe's Biker Lounge and Video Rental. And Ryan butchers the name of one of tonight's guest, saying "Lante, um, LADY Antebellum."
The Top 5 do the usual crappy group sing with "Happy Together". Clearly they are NOT happy together...this is awful. If these are supposed to be the top 5 singers in America, why can't they sing together? SanJacob's dancing reminds me of Jame Gumb in "Silence of the Lambs": "It puts the lotion in the basket or it GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!" The arrangement is too low, and the harmonies just sound weird. It may not be the worst group sing ever, but it's in the top 10.
Ryan plugs Season 11 auditions...while he is doing this, James is mouthing all of the words that Seacrest is reading from the teleprompter...which proves that Ryan has one thing in common with the President. And I bet Ryan is a better ad libber, too.
Time for the commercial! "Be Yourself"...carnival stunts, and Haley allowing a car to do its own parallel parking. Good thing Stefano wasn't driving...
We have plenty of time left, so let's send the Idols to Hell! Um...Hell's Kitchen. Ramsey calls Lauren a cow, kicks James out, and asks no one can make a decent risotto. Actually, James forgets to turn the stove on, Haley curses for the 43rd time on camera, and they attempt to make omelets. Haley's is "a little pitchy, as in pitch it in the trash." SanJacob has "a plate of vomit". James was supposed to "rock the omelet, not make it as hard as a rock." Lauren's "tastes quite nice, well done." Scotty gets a "what is THAT?" Lauren wins.
Lady Antebellybutton is back with "Just a Kiss." While I'm not a country music fan, I can at least see why people like this. It's pretty light fare, but at least they can sing and play, and the harmonies blend well together.
In another thinly disguised ad, the Idols get asked what goes into choosing a song. Scotty says "If it sounds country, mentions a country, or is from a country, I'm in." Haley: "Whatever the judges want to hear, what America wants, what I want." Scotty picks a card, any card. SanJacob just picks whatever song makes him the worst. The next question is about wardrobe...Lauren drives the stylists crazy, which could explain a lot of her outfits over the last two months. Scotty likes leather (man, I'm glad Tyler doesn't get to comment here), Haley loves to shop, and SanJacob just picks through Randy's closet. Everyone makes fun of SanJacob's ensemble from a few weeks ago.
Results with Iovine's commentary. James "was overcome on the second song", and needs to gets his emotions under control. 8/10. James goes to the far side of the stage. Lauren "pulled back on 'Unchained Melody', and that will keep her out of the finals if it continues...will be bottom two tonight." Lauren goes to the near side.
Meanwhile, Hell's Kitchen returns with a taste test for Lauren and SanJacob. Lauren misses beef and tofu, but gets tofu and hot dog correct. SanJacob gets beef, and misses tofu ("lard"?) and hot dog, guessing "sausage?" Well, if anyone knows his around sausage...Lauren wins.
Ryan, Randy, and Steven throw popcorn around while announcing J Lo's "On the Floor". Hmmm...I didn't know "Africa" rhymed with "Ibiza". Synchronized dancing on an electric dartboard...the Watcher from "Fringe" does the rapping, J Lo lip syncs throughout, and sweats like a deadbeat dad on "Maury Povich". Basically, J Lo comes off like a younger version of Paula here. I just want to know what happened to the life jackets that used to be attached to the straps her dancers are wearing. She returns to the judges' table with yet another different outfit.
We get a teaser of her next single, "I'm Into You." My first impression is that Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" has merged with a Calvin Klein commercial.
Back to the results. SanJacob: Jimmy says he needs "inner strength to beat insecurities", and that he "lost confidence." 6/10. SanJacob joins Lauren. Haley: Jimmy says J Lo took him to task over the Gaga song. He thinks Haley won the night, and that her confidence will make her a lock to win if it sticks around. Haley joins James at the far side of the stage. Scotty is last, and Iovine claims he "killed" "Gone". Says the second song came up a bit short, but that he doesn't need to win Idol to have a big career. He's never been in the bottom three, and he isn't tonight either. Seacrest rolls out the old "join the group you think is safe" bit, and Scotty refuses to play along. Ryan walks him over to James and Haley, making all three of them safe.
This leaves Lauren and SanJacob, which is the way it should have been. They both look scared, but Lauren is almost in meltdown mode. Can she handle the pressure of this? I think she has "crash and burn" written all over her. And leaving the show tonight is...
SanJacob! Finally.
Every year we get one or two contestants that hang around way too long, and Jacob and Haley seem to be it this year. Haley played her way out of the bottom three by improving her performances. SanJacob, however, continued to do the same goofy things every week, and by blaming everyone but himself. Exit song, video recap, and SanJacob sings "This House is Not a Home" again...the other four seem to hold back, then James leads the parade. Lusk continus to wail. James and Scotty are OK, Lauren is pensive, and Haley looks like the cat who just ate the canary. If the rumors are true, there was no love lost between Jacob and the rest of the cast. The Final Four continue to egg Jacob on in his screeching, and I honestly can't tell whether they are laughing with him, or at him.
Rumors for next week: Leiber/Stoller songs, and Lady Gaga as mentor? Scotty can do Elvis again, Haley can sing "On Broadway" or "Poison Ivy", Lauren will do "I'm a Woman", and James can sing "Stand By Me." They'll do at least two songs, I'm guessing...depends on how much filler Idol wants to give us.
Now someone go get the Lysol, and we'll get the last of the Stanky Lusk out of here...
60 million votes? Gotta get me one of those "unlimited text" plans...yeesh. Steven Tyler had someone ghostwrite a book for him. It's called "Do the Noises in My Head Bother You?" Actually, Steven, it's the noises that come OUT of you that bother me. Only way I read that book if is someone sends me a free copy for review, and I can get ten bucks for later on e-Bay. J Lo is going to "sing" tonight, and premiere part of newest video. Randy? Ryan jokes that he'll be having a bake sale, after doing a gig with his Journey tribute band at Joe's Biker Lounge and Video Rental. And Ryan butchers the name of one of tonight's guest, saying "Lante, um, LADY Antebellum."
The Top 5 do the usual crappy group sing with "Happy Together". Clearly they are NOT happy together...this is awful. If these are supposed to be the top 5 singers in America, why can't they sing together? SanJacob's dancing reminds me of Jame Gumb in "Silence of the Lambs": "It puts the lotion in the basket or it GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!" The arrangement is too low, and the harmonies just sound weird. It may not be the worst group sing ever, but it's in the top 10.
Ryan plugs Season 11 auditions...while he is doing this, James is mouthing all of the words that Seacrest is reading from the teleprompter...which proves that Ryan has one thing in common with the President. And I bet Ryan is a better ad libber, too.
Time for the commercial! "Be Yourself"...carnival stunts, and Haley allowing a car to do its own parallel parking. Good thing Stefano wasn't driving...
We have plenty of time left, so let's send the Idols to Hell! Um...Hell's Kitchen. Ramsey calls Lauren a cow, kicks James out, and asks no one can make a decent risotto. Actually, James forgets to turn the stove on, Haley curses for the 43rd time on camera, and they attempt to make omelets. Haley's is "a little pitchy, as in pitch it in the trash." SanJacob has "a plate of vomit". James was supposed to "rock the omelet, not make it as hard as a rock." Lauren's "tastes quite nice, well done." Scotty gets a "what is THAT?" Lauren wins.
Lady Antebellybutton is back with "Just a Kiss." While I'm not a country music fan, I can at least see why people like this. It's pretty light fare, but at least they can sing and play, and the harmonies blend well together.
In another thinly disguised ad, the Idols get asked what goes into choosing a song. Scotty says "If it sounds country, mentions a country, or is from a country, I'm in." Haley: "Whatever the judges want to hear, what America wants, what I want." Scotty picks a card, any card. SanJacob just picks whatever song makes him the worst. The next question is about wardrobe...Lauren drives the stylists crazy, which could explain a lot of her outfits over the last two months. Scotty likes leather (man, I'm glad Tyler doesn't get to comment here), Haley loves to shop, and SanJacob just picks through Randy's closet. Everyone makes fun of SanJacob's ensemble from a few weeks ago.
Results with Iovine's commentary. James "was overcome on the second song", and needs to gets his emotions under control. 8/10. James goes to the far side of the stage. Lauren "pulled back on 'Unchained Melody', and that will keep her out of the finals if it continues...will be bottom two tonight." Lauren goes to the near side.
Meanwhile, Hell's Kitchen returns with a taste test for Lauren and SanJacob. Lauren misses beef and tofu, but gets tofu and hot dog correct. SanJacob gets beef, and misses tofu ("lard"?) and hot dog, guessing "sausage?" Well, if anyone knows his around sausage...Lauren wins.
Ryan, Randy, and Steven throw popcorn around while announcing J Lo's "On the Floor". Hmmm...I didn't know "Africa" rhymed with "Ibiza". Synchronized dancing on an electric dartboard...the Watcher from "Fringe" does the rapping, J Lo lip syncs throughout, and sweats like a deadbeat dad on "Maury Povich". Basically, J Lo comes off like a younger version of Paula here. I just want to know what happened to the life jackets that used to be attached to the straps her dancers are wearing. She returns to the judges' table with yet another different outfit.
We get a teaser of her next single, "I'm Into You." My first impression is that Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" has merged with a Calvin Klein commercial.
Back to the results. SanJacob: Jimmy says he needs "inner strength to beat insecurities", and that he "lost confidence." 6/10. SanJacob joins Lauren. Haley: Jimmy says J Lo took him to task over the Gaga song. He thinks Haley won the night, and that her confidence will make her a lock to win if it sticks around. Haley joins James at the far side of the stage. Scotty is last, and Iovine claims he "killed" "Gone". Says the second song came up a bit short, but that he doesn't need to win Idol to have a big career. He's never been in the bottom three, and he isn't tonight either. Seacrest rolls out the old "join the group you think is safe" bit, and Scotty refuses to play along. Ryan walks him over to James and Haley, making all three of them safe.
This leaves Lauren and SanJacob, which is the way it should have been. They both look scared, but Lauren is almost in meltdown mode. Can she handle the pressure of this? I think she has "crash and burn" written all over her. And leaving the show tonight is...
SanJacob! Finally.
Every year we get one or two contestants that hang around way too long, and Jacob and Haley seem to be it this year. Haley played her way out of the bottom three by improving her performances. SanJacob, however, continued to do the same goofy things every week, and by blaming everyone but himself. Exit song, video recap, and SanJacob sings "This House is Not a Home" again...the other four seem to hold back, then James leads the parade. Lusk continus to wail. James and Scotty are OK, Lauren is pensive, and Haley looks like the cat who just ate the canary. If the rumors are true, there was no love lost between Jacob and the rest of the cast. The Final Four continue to egg Jacob on in his screeching, and I honestly can't tell whether they are laughing with him, or at him.
Rumors for next week: Leiber/Stoller songs, and Lady Gaga as mentor? Scotty can do Elvis again, Haley can sing "On Broadway" or "Poison Ivy", Lauren will do "I'm a Woman", and James can sing "Stand By Me." They'll do at least two songs, I'm guessing...depends on how much filler Idol wants to give us.
Now someone go get the Lysol, and we'll get the last of the Stanky Lusk out of here...