memory
I seem to find my memories to be a curse. I keep looking back at my life the people and pets that were a big part of my life.
The friends that have gone on, John Manzer died of aids. I was proud to call him friend, his being gay didn't matter to ether of us. Zuke Sazuki, blew his brains out with a 45. Zuke was a veteran a Marine. A friend! Sam Baker died in his sleep, two years ago? Sam was one in a million and one of my few friends I would help if he asked witn no questions asked.
My Mother, died from complications that the docs missed. My dad died from smoking related cancer. My grand parents, cancer, stroke, heart attack, and old age. My fathers mother we had a lot in common, mainly hearing impairments. She died at age 98. I dont remember wha year they died.
The true lights of my life my first dog Joey. I never got to say goodby. Or bring her home. My second dog Jessy, I was prepaired for her death, hurt just as much. Lady the most recent and shortest life. I had to put her to sleep, heartworms. Six days that all she had and all i had with her . Atleast she was comfortable.
I hate my memories, for all the good times i can remember, there are more bad times, bad choices, bad luck. For all the training, all the skills I have, had. I can barly remember how i did those things.
I'll be 50 in August, 50 years of being a failure is long enough. It will never change, I will never change. I just want what Sam Baker managed a painless death. When something is useless, you get rid of it.
That leaves my final question, whats it like to die?
The friends that have gone on, John Manzer died of aids. I was proud to call him friend, his being gay didn't matter to ether of us. Zuke Sazuki, blew his brains out with a 45. Zuke was a veteran a Marine. A friend! Sam Baker died in his sleep, two years ago? Sam was one in a million and one of my few friends I would help if he asked witn no questions asked.
My Mother, died from complications that the docs missed. My dad died from smoking related cancer. My grand parents, cancer, stroke, heart attack, and old age. My fathers mother we had a lot in common, mainly hearing impairments. She died at age 98. I dont remember wha year they died.
The true lights of my life my first dog Joey. I never got to say goodby. Or bring her home. My second dog Jessy, I was prepaired for her death, hurt just as much. Lady the most recent and shortest life. I had to put her to sleep, heartworms. Six days that all she had and all i had with her . Atleast she was comfortable.
I hate my memories, for all the good times i can remember, there are more bad times, bad choices, bad luck. For all the training, all the skills I have, had. I can barly remember how i did those things.
I'll be 50 in August, 50 years of being a failure is long enough. It will never change, I will never change. I just want what Sam Baker managed a painless death. When something is useless, you get rid of it.
That leaves my final question, whats it like to die?