Resolve
The year is about to come to a bustling halt. What can I even say about it? In the course of one year, I have changed my major, changed my job, changed my car, started drinking, went through more men than I care to count, and more or less quadrupled my circle of friends.
A year is a strange measurement, indeed. I know it doesn't mean anything. It's just another month, and nothing really changes at the stroke of midnight. Even so--this ending feels very deliberate. It's December 29th and attachments are fizzling out in blur of disinterest and apathy, and situations have all been resolved. I feel alone--but in a good way. Looking back, I get the feeling that every event that took place this year, each with it's distinct beginning and end, existed merely as elaborate lessons. After all, so much has happened this year--but where am I at the end of it? Is my life any more complicated than it was a year ago? Basically, I am exactly where I was. Sure, I'm minus one boyfriend and school is a little more on track, but considering everything that happened--I find it fascinating how calm and pleasantly blank life is. I can feel it hovering, patiently and excitedly, waiting for me to breathe and start the new year. I feel ready--I feel that I have almost left this year behind.
My head feels so small when I try to fathom everything I have learned. There is too much. My mind is still reeling. I have been changed, but in all honesty, I do not think it is a change that I will ever be able to articulate. Rather, I've become who I thought I already was. I've learned, through my colorful encounters, to truly understand everything I thought I had already believed. And I've learned to disregard everything else.
My life is the same, but perhaps a little more on track. I am excited to start a new year in this new, logic-less world.
A year is a strange measurement, indeed. I know it doesn't mean anything. It's just another month, and nothing really changes at the stroke of midnight. Even so--this ending feels very deliberate. It's December 29th and attachments are fizzling out in blur of disinterest and apathy, and situations have all been resolved. I feel alone--but in a good way. Looking back, I get the feeling that every event that took place this year, each with it's distinct beginning and end, existed merely as elaborate lessons. After all, so much has happened this year--but where am I at the end of it? Is my life any more complicated than it was a year ago? Basically, I am exactly where I was. Sure, I'm minus one boyfriend and school is a little more on track, but considering everything that happened--I find it fascinating how calm and pleasantly blank life is. I can feel it hovering, patiently and excitedly, waiting for me to breathe and start the new year. I feel ready--I feel that I have almost left this year behind.
My head feels so small when I try to fathom everything I have learned. There is too much. My mind is still reeling. I have been changed, but in all honesty, I do not think it is a change that I will ever be able to articulate. Rather, I've become who I thought I already was. I've learned, through my colorful encounters, to truly understand everything I thought I had already believed. And I've learned to disregard everything else.
My life is the same, but perhaps a little more on track. I am excited to start a new year in this new, logic-less world.