insecurity theatre
i was biking home from brunch today along 5th, on the sidewalk, slightly behind another biker who was on the road, when i saw somebody a few cars behind the other biker lean out his passenger-side window and yell angrily at her: "ride on the sidewalk! why can't you ride on the sidewalk, like him?!" (i.e., me). i sped up a bit to be even with him, and shouted back, "she's allowed to be on the road!" (to which he didn't respond). i was also going to catch up to the biker and say something like "don't let him get to you", but she'd turned off to a different direction by then.
the rest of the way i was trying to think of what else i could have said to best convey what i thought: ideas like "..., you asshole" (no), "share the road", "what hurry are you in", and "she's more courageous than i am to ride on the road" (and "read title 75", suggested by zack, which likely would not be understood).
i also remembered when, biking home with zack a week or so ago, we were talking about bike etiquette, i said "i'm not confident enough to ride in the middle of the lane [as opposed to on the side to enable easy passing]," and he replied, "oh, i'm not confident enough not to." the distinction is, of course, in worry for personal safety versus worry for pissing other people off. (this thing where i go out of my way to avoid causing offence possibly to the extent of causing myself harm has been a common problem pattern for me, so it's quite something to see it manifesting as explicitly as here.) and then it hit me: the real thing i wished to convey to the guy in the car was "screw you, for validating my insecurity about my riding making car drivers upset!"
it turns out standing up for myself (and the other biker) today makes me feel a lot better about the idea of riding in the road in traffic in the common case. all i needed to hear was "you have it in you to make reasonable choices about when to ride on the road, and if somebody else has a problem, they're the jackass" to feel comfortable. i suspect this works generalisedly for other insecurities also...
the rest of the way i was trying to think of what else i could have said to best convey what i thought: ideas like "..., you asshole" (no), "share the road", "what hurry are you in", and "she's more courageous than i am to ride on the road" (and "read title 75", suggested by zack, which likely would not be understood).
i also remembered when, biking home with zack a week or so ago, we were talking about bike etiquette, i said "i'm not confident enough to ride in the middle of the lane [as opposed to on the side to enable easy passing]," and he replied, "oh, i'm not confident enough not to." the distinction is, of course, in worry for personal safety versus worry for pissing other people off. (this thing where i go out of my way to avoid causing offence possibly to the extent of causing myself harm has been a common problem pattern for me, so it's quite something to see it manifesting as explicitly as here.) and then it hit me: the real thing i wished to convey to the guy in the car was "screw you, for validating my insecurity about my riding making car drivers upset!"
it turns out standing up for myself (and the other biker) today makes me feel a lot better about the idea of riding in the road in traffic in the common case. all i needed to hear was "you have it in you to make reasonable choices about when to ride on the road, and if somebody else has a problem, they're the jackass" to feel comfortable. i suspect this works generalisedly for other insecurities also...