another day another day.....
just got up....waiting to give keith (my husband) his meds to keep him with us a while longer....drs. say hes got about 3 to 5 yrs before the disease eats at his spine and paralyizes him....he has about 5 to 8 years before it eats thru his spinal cord...as it did with savannah on july 4th, 2002......then he will be laid to rest with her and the pain will vanquish.....it hurts doing this inside and out day after day buti figure i did it with savannah for the short timei had her and now god is just punishing me one last time....so i have to prove to the man upstairs that i can do it once again.....how many times though.....are my sons next?.......why not me?.........i have not been a perfect person.....i very highly doubt anyone is......but i dont think i deserve all this....watching my beloved daughter pass away was a lot simpler than watching my husband......that may sound harsh but her being a baby and the reality of knowing all along that she was leaving made it alot easier on us all....but this....this bull dhit with keith was just slapped in my face...something just thrown at me and left to perish.....i hurt alot...cant u tell...but i get up everyday and smile just to make sure keith cant see my pain...he has enough to deal with....he will suffer a great deal thru out this ordeal and the less i can put on him the better.....well....my first entry....pretty depressing huh....just stick with me,,,,itll get worse i promise that one......and for those that cant handle it.....get out the kitchen cuz i cant change my life but u can change yours......tata sweets, Bubblez