Jul 30, 2007 18:21
It's his birthday today. He's 20 years old today. I called him at midnight last night to leave a message on his voicemail telling him happy birthday... since everybody usualy forgets. For the past 6 months, all I ever talk to is his voicemail. But even that's ok because I like just hearing his voice. I was reading through our hard point that happened a year and a half ago on his livejournal. I read one entry that really got to me. I feel like I really messed up by dating Scott. He was there for me through it all when he could be though, but it seemed like after we broke up, he kinda fadded out of my life. It was like if I hadn't dated him, I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. But at the same time, what was I supposed to do? He left me, granted it was for my own good, but he left me alone. I needed him so desperately this summer. I needed his wisdom, his strength, his advice. But again, all I got was voicemail. Sometimes I swear he knew me better than i knew myself, and his opinion was what really mattered to me. I think about him everyday. I can't let him go. I just wish I knew what I did, why he left again, why he's mad at me. He's there, and then he's gone, it sucks. I wish he would just tell me why... maybe then I'd be able to move on with my life...