An Emo Entry... just warning you
I couldn't sleep last night... I tried... I fell asleep crying... But that didn't last long. I haven't eaten anything but sorbet (dairy free ice cream), since noon yesterday. I can't get anything else to go down my throat without feeling sick to my stomach... Of course, that's a constant feeling, but sorbet I know won't come back up. Today is the first day of school I have missed in like 2 years... But I suppose that staying in a house filled with your memories is better than having to face your coldness in person. At least the memories aren't distant and at least in them my Scott doesn't act so bitterly cold to me. But even through youre coldness, I still can't hate you, or be angry at you, and I still love you as much as I ever did. I can't do anything here... Music, television, computer, it all reminds me of you. Sleeping in my bed was torturous last night. Everything hurts. Everything reminds me of you. I haven't stopped crying since it happened. I knew I couldn't see you today... Forgive me, but if I saw you today I wouldn't be able to keep my composure, and I don't want you to see me like this. But it hurts. It hurts so bad. Every part of my body aches for you. I can't stand this pain. It's consuming. Your cold words and hateful actions are killing me. It hurts me more than to know that I've lost you. It's like you completely don't care anymore. I cried all night last night. Where were you to dry my tears like you used to? Why didn't you make sure I was ok? WHen my world fell apart, where were you to cover me from the debris? We were best friends long before we started dating. What happened to that? Why can't we go back to that? Why do you treat me now like someone you hate? It hurts so much more. Every time you tell me that yo udon't love me anymore... It hurts so bad. It hurts worse than anything else. Like your ripping my heart to shreds all over again. It's a pain that I can't take. How can I face you tomorrow knowing that you'll be so cold? Why won't my stupid heart give up on you? Why do I love you more than ever? Oh well, it looks like I'm not giving up on us without a fight. OK, it took pretty much all my strength to write this... I need to go do something else...