I will take the hidden paths that run west of the moon and east of the sun...
Nine days is officially too long to not work.
After five days of not working -- i.e, on Wednesday -- I was rested, rejuvenated, and ready to go back. I was thinking wistfully about my office and the lovely people in it, passionately explaining the issues involved to all family, and generally content. After three more days,
I'm tired, overwhelmed, and balking at everything I didn't get accomplished during the week.
....I wrote that early this morning before heading off to Quaker meeting for childcare. Some ten hours later, I just read my boss's November ED report to the board and while I"m still tired and overwhelmed, I'm a lot more *excited*. I do like my job. I do care about it. I do believe in what we're doing. I just don't know how good I am at it.
So here's the thing. About two months ago, I spent a few consecutive lunch periods and some long phone conversations with my mother, the Lady, the Queen, and the Loremaster developing a rough five-year plan that involves staying in Seattle and working at Real Change through, at earliest, January of 2009. At that time -- well, a little before that, actually -- I'll have applied for the Comparative Literature graduate/doctoral programs at NYU, University of Pennsylvania, and some to-be-determined safety school also in that area. Those programs will take three years, during which time I'll also be working in some fashion in homeless services wherever I end up -- ideally, Philly -- hopefully in some organizing or advocacy capacity, but I'll also be perfectly happy night-desking it at a shelter in Center City.
When I finish the program, I'm not sure what comes next, except that ultimately -- and my heart is in my throat just saying this -- I'd like to see a street paper on the model of Real Change in Philadelphia. A community-based, grass-roots newspaper grounded in cross-class relationship building and political action.
So that's my dream. Except it freaking terrifies me. And there's so much that I DON'T have to make that come true. I'm not aggressive enough, assertive enough, even sure enough of what I believe. I'm not smart enough -- I don't mean school smart, I've always been school smart, but philosophy smart, economics smart, theory smart, take-the-wisdom-accumulated-and-do-something-with-it smart. I'm simply not energized enough -- I need sleep too much, get overwhelmed too easily, fall apart too easily. Oh, and remember the part where I HATE journalism writing?
So I guess I just need to get some kick-ass people to work with.
I may seriously try to meet with my boss after the holiday craziness is over; ask him if he thinks it's even feasible to be going into this kind of organizing work with my life, and get his thoughts from when he began, and so on and so forth. But anyway.
I start work tomorrow after a week of vacation. That's actually a happy thing. Yay.
After five days of not working -- i.e, on Wednesday -- I was rested, rejuvenated, and ready to go back. I was thinking wistfully about my office and the lovely people in it, passionately explaining the issues involved to all family, and generally content. After three more days,
I'm tired, overwhelmed, and balking at everything I didn't get accomplished during the week.
....I wrote that early this morning before heading off to Quaker meeting for childcare. Some ten hours later, I just read my boss's November ED report to the board and while I"m still tired and overwhelmed, I'm a lot more *excited*. I do like my job. I do care about it. I do believe in what we're doing. I just don't know how good I am at it.
So here's the thing. About two months ago, I spent a few consecutive lunch periods and some long phone conversations with my mother, the Lady, the Queen, and the Loremaster developing a rough five-year plan that involves staying in Seattle and working at Real Change through, at earliest, January of 2009. At that time -- well, a little before that, actually -- I'll have applied for the Comparative Literature graduate/doctoral programs at NYU, University of Pennsylvania, and some to-be-determined safety school also in that area. Those programs will take three years, during which time I'll also be working in some fashion in homeless services wherever I end up -- ideally, Philly -- hopefully in some organizing or advocacy capacity, but I'll also be perfectly happy night-desking it at a shelter in Center City.
When I finish the program, I'm not sure what comes next, except that ultimately -- and my heart is in my throat just saying this -- I'd like to see a street paper on the model of Real Change in Philadelphia. A community-based, grass-roots newspaper grounded in cross-class relationship building and political action.
So that's my dream. Except it freaking terrifies me. And there's so much that I DON'T have to make that come true. I'm not aggressive enough, assertive enough, even sure enough of what I believe. I'm not smart enough -- I don't mean school smart, I've always been school smart, but philosophy smart, economics smart, theory smart, take-the-wisdom-accumulated-and-do-something-with-it smart. I'm simply not energized enough -- I need sleep too much, get overwhelmed too easily, fall apart too easily. Oh, and remember the part where I HATE journalism writing?
So I guess I just need to get some kick-ass people to work with.
I may seriously try to meet with my boss after the holiday craziness is over; ask him if he thinks it's even feasible to be going into this kind of organizing work with my life, and get his thoughts from when he began, and so on and so forth. But anyway.
I start work tomorrow after a week of vacation. That's actually a happy thing. Yay.