(no subject)
tonight...ugh...beau and i...you knwo what...i can't stop crying...i'm going to miss her so much...the tears won't stop running down my face..i don't know how i'm going to do it...the most beautiful thing inside and out is no longer going to be in my life. I can't type, i'm shaking and I don't want to lose her...i'm hysterical guys...it's awful i don't know what to do ...i love her...i love her...i love her...she makes me tremble and i never wanna lose that feeling..OH GOD! I CAN'T DO THIS! THIS HURTS!! I'M GOING TO HURT! I SWEAR I WILL NEVER WANT EVER AGAIN UNTIL BEAU IS IN MY ARMS FOREVER! This is it..I found the person of my dreams...talks...lot's of talks...future..talks about our future..good times...kisses....fifteen minute goodbyes...eyes....lot's of looking...beautiful blue eyes...blue eyes that i'd like to see again...blue eyes that i'd like to see for the rest of my life...i swear to you guys...i tremble and whimper and sob as i write this..you gotta beleive me...i wanna express how i'm feeling what i'm seeing...it's so hard when your hands don't go as fast as your head...i'm trying...trying...trying to except the fact taht beau will shortly be someone else's girl..girls...memories...ugh....i shall never want again...I want beau and only beau...i'm sick sick to my stomach...sick knowing that she will be outta my reach...forever ....forever...one year...one fucking year...one fuckin year seems a lifetime! ugh..one fucking year...giving the girl of my dreams the chance to move on...two years...two years...18 two years...i'll be able to see beau whenever i want...and i sit here and ball my eyes out...i can't stop crying...happiness...happiness...i will not be able to make her happy i will not be able to see her outstanding smile for a year...one fuckin year....i'm going crazy..she hasn't even left and yet she has..i'm so lost without her...i don't know what i'm going to do..i wanna cry..i wanna sit down and cry for the rest of my life...i love her i love her i love her...memories..the memories...not much but there still there...rainstorms...first kisses...butterflies...roses....hand crafted hearts..i'm going insane! my bro is asking me if i'm alright..im' not OKAY! NOT WITHOUT YOU BEAU! the tears are falling and my body aches for her..theres nothing i can do and it drives me insane! i will never want to love again..not unless it's her..her touch..her look..her smile...her hands..her lips..oh god her lips...her tongue..everything about her..i shall never want again..for as long as i'm here in vegas and she's here in jersey..i'm soo lost..loss of words..loss of feelings...her head her body her souly...trapped in my mind has canceled all feeling..my nervous system is on a complete shut down..yet i'm still able to cry so much..i can't stop...it's a river a river of what seems to be pushing farther and farther away...i love her i love her i love her..she means the world to me...she's changed me..she's changed my whole world...she is forever my love..she is soo beautiful...she is sooo perfect..she is my everything...and she will no longer be...my my my girl! even typing the way i feel is making me just sooo sad! I'M GOING CRAZY i'm drenched in tears...tears...tears..there are more to come...i don't wanna hurt..i don't want beau to forget about me..i don't want her to move on..i don't want her to leave...PLEASE DONT FORGET ABOUT ME BEAU! i need you so much..i need you in my life...for whatever reason..i need you in my life..you are my everything..i gotta go...this is getting insane..i'm going to cry myself to sleep...im' sorry for this guys..i needed it...i will need it...she's my world..and right now is the revelation...a very bad revelation..my world is falling apart...and theres absolutely nothing i can do...i love her i love her i love her..i love her!