i don't want to be here anymore
i don't really have any place i want to be.
i just... don't want to be.
i'm so tired of being judged by my beauty, or lack thereof. i'm so sick of watching other girls destroy themselves for the very same reason. in much of this world, i will never amount to anything because i'm not "hot". i'm not skinny enough. i'm not pretty enough. well, fuck it all. i never used to have a problem with this. i used to look in the mirror and see a beautiful person. actually, i still do. it's the rest of the world that's wrong. but it doesn't matter. because we are all constantly told that we need to be skinnier and we need to be prettier. and it destroys so many beautiful people. i sit here and cry because i don't know what else to do. i see these girls being torn apart, and i don't even know what i can do. i have to be the strong one. i have to be the rock. but it is really just destroying me too. i'm scared. i'm confused. i'm weak.
this is all just making me want to go into military band more and more. i can make music. i know i can. i'll be judged by my musical skills - something completely under my own control. they don't care what i look like. they care about what i do. basic training is about having the strength as a person to find the strength that my body possesses. I don't have to be attractive enough. I have to be brave enough.
why can't the rest of the world be like that?
maybe if i just cry myself to sleep, i'll be able to get up in the morning and be okay.
or at least okay enough to do the homework i just can't do now.
i just... don't want to be.
i'm so tired of being judged by my beauty, or lack thereof. i'm so sick of watching other girls destroy themselves for the very same reason. in much of this world, i will never amount to anything because i'm not "hot". i'm not skinny enough. i'm not pretty enough. well, fuck it all. i never used to have a problem with this. i used to look in the mirror and see a beautiful person. actually, i still do. it's the rest of the world that's wrong. but it doesn't matter. because we are all constantly told that we need to be skinnier and we need to be prettier. and it destroys so many beautiful people. i sit here and cry because i don't know what else to do. i see these girls being torn apart, and i don't even know what i can do. i have to be the strong one. i have to be the rock. but it is really just destroying me too. i'm scared. i'm confused. i'm weak.
this is all just making me want to go into military band more and more. i can make music. i know i can. i'll be judged by my musical skills - something completely under my own control. they don't care what i look like. they care about what i do. basic training is about having the strength as a person to find the strength that my body possesses. I don't have to be attractive enough. I have to be brave enough.
why can't the rest of the world be like that?
maybe if i just cry myself to sleep, i'll be able to get up in the morning and be okay.
or at least okay enough to do the homework i just can't do now.