(no subject)
Wow. I'm officially a high school graduate. I don't really feel like a "graduate" yet, but I do feel kinda scared. I'm on my own now. Nobody can answer for me, nobody can protect me, and I have to fend for myself. There are a lot of assholes, creeps, perverts, and just plain evil people in the world that I am entering. How am I supposed to protect myself against that ugliness? What weapons do I have against it? I feel like I'm walking into Gang City with a pencil (a dull one that can't be used for stabbing, that is). Okay, so maybe that's a little bit melodramatic, but whatever. I guess, though I've tried to be independent and experience real life, I'm still just a sheltered kid. And now...I feel like I'm flying blind.
Today, I had a huge fight with my parents over something that started petty and stupid, and then became about my freedom and independence. There was yelling and screaming, and we all got hugely mad at each other - the kind of thing that doesn't just get glossed over, doesn't just heal overnight. And then, suddenly, I was walking to the bus stop from my mom's house with two duffel bags and my laptop. I walked, took busses, and walked some more for over three hours. The entire walk home, I listened to Yellowcard's "Gifts and Curses" over and over again. Walking up Leahy on the way to my dad's house, I had this strange moment. I guess you could call it an epiphany, but that sounds so corny. Anyway, I realized something. I'm not entirely sure what I realized. But whatever it was, I think it made me stronger. When I finally got to my dad's house, I didn't feel like the same person I was this morning. This morning, I felt like I was my mother's daughter. When I walked through the door of my dad's house, I felt like my own person. It was both powerful and terrifying. I don't know if it will last when I wake up tomorrow morning or not. I just know it's been a very very long day.
Today, I had a huge fight with my parents over something that started petty and stupid, and then became about my freedom and independence. There was yelling and screaming, and we all got hugely mad at each other - the kind of thing that doesn't just get glossed over, doesn't just heal overnight. And then, suddenly, I was walking to the bus stop from my mom's house with two duffel bags and my laptop. I walked, took busses, and walked some more for over three hours. The entire walk home, I listened to Yellowcard's "Gifts and Curses" over and over again. Walking up Leahy on the way to my dad's house, I had this strange moment. I guess you could call it an epiphany, but that sounds so corny. Anyway, I realized something. I'm not entirely sure what I realized. But whatever it was, I think it made me stronger. When I finally got to my dad's house, I didn't feel like the same person I was this morning. This morning, I felt like I was my mother's daughter. When I walked through the door of my dad's house, I felt like my own person. It was both powerful and terrifying. I don't know if it will last when I wake up tomorrow morning or not. I just know it's been a very very long day.