Heartbroken and lonely
What can I say about the last week? So bad, so bad. Everything was going well until mid-last week. Even when I hit the pole 2 Fridays ago, my dad told me it was okay and so I felt better. So that was that and yup. I had to get over it because I had other things to worry about.
On Saturday, I finally saw him and he made me feel better. We spent the whole weekend together. Just us two. We watched movies, napped, went out to eat...just enjoyed each others company. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect weekend. I was so sad on that Sunday when I dropped him off...so sad. I called Sapna and Josh crying. But I remembered that we still had a week together. And I went and talked to Josh and him being the amazing guy he is, he managed to make me feel better.
But then Wednesday, fuck. Just fuck. That day made me doubt everything. I doubted my whole existence that nite. Why does bad stuff keep happening to me? Since March, it's been like this. I realized that I needed to leave KC and go somewhere else. I was going to take my aunt's offer and go to San Diego and start fresh there. Just me and new beginning. That's what I need. To redo these horrible things. But there again was Josh when I needed him. He took the time that a friend takes to help another and that meant so much to me, after the things my parents had said to me the night before I started feeling alone and friendless. Josh made me realize that until then, my life had been pretty calm and nothing truly bad had happened to me. And life always has a way of catching up with you, and that's what life was doing to me. It was just catching up. For every good, there must be a bad. And I have now done more than make up for the goods in my life. After talking to him, I was better, still shaken-up, but feeling better. No matter what happens, I am so blessed to have friends who care about me and are there for me. I love you all so much.
To make things better, I got to see the one person I wanted to see so bad. And we spent all Thursday nite together until I went home. I was so upset because I was realizing the truth, I couldn't hold on to him no matter how bad I wanted to.
Friday. That was suppose to be my nite. That was suppose to be the most amazing nite of my life because everything I had every wanted was coming together. Hadia came into town and surprised me at Victoria's Secret, lol. I started crying in the middle of the store and it was wonderful. I miss her so much and no matter what happened this weekend, she's always going to be my dearest friend and the one that I love more than all else. I am so glad I had some time with her. After she surprised me, we went and surprised Stacy and Amira and then I was off to the going-away party. Fuck. What a party. Started of amazing, so much. I got fucking blasted and had a great time with everyone. And then, all of a sudden, everything started going downhill. I called Sapna and Hadia crying and begging them to come get me, and finally Hadia and everyone else came. I didn't think the nite could get worse but it did. All I can was that it wasn't suppose to be like this. I didn't mean for things to get so out of control. It was my fault for letting it get so crazy. I am sorry. I am so so sorry.
Saturday morning, everything got better. Everybody made up and everything was okay at last. I am happy they made up because they both mean so much more than they can imagine to me. I went out to breakfast(or lunch, I'm not sure which) with him for the last time. I wasn't hungery and he knew why. So for the first time, he didn't beg me to eat something. And then, as fast as it had begun, it ended. I dropped him off for the last time and I felt my heart breaking in my chest. I felt every little single torn-up piece falling and being so shattered that I didn't know what to do with it. He hugged and kissed me and told me to be strong. I tried to be strong as I could, but I couldn't fight the tears that I didn't want him to see. We said our final good-bye and when he got out of the car and started to walk away, he looked back at me and said "God Bless You Simin". And then I just lost it. I drove away and didn't look back. It's over.
That nite, things didn't get better. I had cried my eyes dry and I just wanted to sleep and not be alone. I needed to be around my friends. So I went to Sadies for dinner. I was feeling amazing and having a great time until my phone got stolen. Too much drama with that to talk about. It was just, I dunno. It made me miss him so much more because I always felt so safe with him around. But I got my phone back and that's that.
That's all really. I had a test yesterday and I dunno. It's done with and that's all I know. No more school until Monday. That's good. My brother's in town. He makes me laugh and feel good about myself. So I'm excitied for that. That's all I have for now. Until later, everybody have a great Thanksgiving and be thankful for what you have. I am. I love you all and have a good nite!
On Saturday, I finally saw him and he made me feel better. We spent the whole weekend together. Just us two. We watched movies, napped, went out to eat...just enjoyed each others company. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect weekend. I was so sad on that Sunday when I dropped him off...so sad. I called Sapna and Josh crying. But I remembered that we still had a week together. And I went and talked to Josh and him being the amazing guy he is, he managed to make me feel better.
But then Wednesday, fuck. Just fuck. That day made me doubt everything. I doubted my whole existence that nite. Why does bad stuff keep happening to me? Since March, it's been like this. I realized that I needed to leave KC and go somewhere else. I was going to take my aunt's offer and go to San Diego and start fresh there. Just me and new beginning. That's what I need. To redo these horrible things. But there again was Josh when I needed him. He took the time that a friend takes to help another and that meant so much to me, after the things my parents had said to me the night before I started feeling alone and friendless. Josh made me realize that until then, my life had been pretty calm and nothing truly bad had happened to me. And life always has a way of catching up with you, and that's what life was doing to me. It was just catching up. For every good, there must be a bad. And I have now done more than make up for the goods in my life. After talking to him, I was better, still shaken-up, but feeling better. No matter what happens, I am so blessed to have friends who care about me and are there for me. I love you all so much.
To make things better, I got to see the one person I wanted to see so bad. And we spent all Thursday nite together until I went home. I was so upset because I was realizing the truth, I couldn't hold on to him no matter how bad I wanted to.
Friday. That was suppose to be my nite. That was suppose to be the most amazing nite of my life because everything I had every wanted was coming together. Hadia came into town and surprised me at Victoria's Secret, lol. I started crying in the middle of the store and it was wonderful. I miss her so much and no matter what happened this weekend, she's always going to be my dearest friend and the one that I love more than all else. I am so glad I had some time with her. After she surprised me, we went and surprised Stacy and Amira and then I was off to the going-away party. Fuck. What a party. Started of amazing, so much. I got fucking blasted and had a great time with everyone. And then, all of a sudden, everything started going downhill. I called Sapna and Hadia crying and begging them to come get me, and finally Hadia and everyone else came. I didn't think the nite could get worse but it did. All I can was that it wasn't suppose to be like this. I didn't mean for things to get so out of control. It was my fault for letting it get so crazy. I am sorry. I am so so sorry.
Saturday morning, everything got better. Everybody made up and everything was okay at last. I am happy they made up because they both mean so much more than they can imagine to me. I went out to breakfast(or lunch, I'm not sure which) with him for the last time. I wasn't hungery and he knew why. So for the first time, he didn't beg me to eat something. And then, as fast as it had begun, it ended. I dropped him off for the last time and I felt my heart breaking in my chest. I felt every little single torn-up piece falling and being so shattered that I didn't know what to do with it. He hugged and kissed me and told me to be strong. I tried to be strong as I could, but I couldn't fight the tears that I didn't want him to see. We said our final good-bye and when he got out of the car and started to walk away, he looked back at me and said "God Bless You Simin". And then I just lost it. I drove away and didn't look back. It's over.
That nite, things didn't get better. I had cried my eyes dry and I just wanted to sleep and not be alone. I needed to be around my friends. So I went to Sadies for dinner. I was feeling amazing and having a great time until my phone got stolen. Too much drama with that to talk about. It was just, I dunno. It made me miss him so much more because I always felt so safe with him around. But I got my phone back and that's that.
That's all really. I had a test yesterday and I dunno. It's done with and that's all I know. No more school until Monday. That's good. My brother's in town. He makes me laugh and feel good about myself. So I'm excitied for that. That's all I have for now. Until later, everybody have a great Thanksgiving and be thankful for what you have. I am. I love you all and have a good nite!