Coping with tragedy, Chapter 6/?
Title: Coping with tragedy
Author: Bubbles759
Pairing: Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki
Summary: AU - trauma survivor!jared, PT!Jensen.
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter)
Disclaimer: This story never happened.
A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Moving city's hasn't left alot of time for writing and I apologise. This chapter's a little longer than usual to make up for it. Enjoy
chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 4 / chapter 5
Jensen was pissed. By the time he made it home he had 12 missed calls on his cell. 6 from Chris, 3 from Mike, and 3 from Dani. He was tempted to turn around and give Mike a piece of his mind, but he was tired. He knew they were just trying to look out for him, didn’t want to see him hurt, again. But he couldn’t give up Jared’s case. And he knew that was exactly what they would want him to do. He knew he was in for a world of hurt, Jared’s case making him relive his own terrible experiences. But there was something about Jared. Jensen knew, the second he picked up the case file, that he’d never be able to put it down, no matter how much it hurt him to take on his case.
He opened the door to the apartment and wasn’t too surprised by what he saw. Chris, Steve, Dani and Tom were sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home.
“Whatever you’re about to say, save your breath,” Jensen said as he turned and walked up the stairs towards his room. All he wanted was to have a long, hot shower, a cold beer, and some sleep. Nowhere on his list was ‘be interrogated by friends’. He knew what they were going to say. He knew that they were going to tell him that this kid wasn’t worth the hurt he was going to go through. That he would get just as much help from one of the other physiotherapists as he would from Jensen. That the other physiotherapist wouldn’t have to go through the hurt Jensen was currently going through. That it would be easier on everyone if he just gave the kid to someone else now, before they got attached to each other. Too late, Jensen thought as he pulled his hoodie over his head.
“Jensen.” Dani had followed him to his room. She took one look at him and whatever she was going to say suddenly changed. “This kid… you’re not going to be able to let him go are you?” She sat on the bed while Jensen used the bathroom, splashing some cool water on his face.
“No.” he answered simply as he leaned against the door jam. “Why are you here Dani? Going to tell me that the he’s not worth going through the pain all over again? Going to say that any of the others could take him and treat him just as well as I can?”
“Well, I was,” she said slowly. “Until I saw you. Mike called Tom after he saw you, who called me. I called Chris and here we are.” She threw her hands in the air. “I don’t know what to tell you Jen. I was all set to tell you not to put yourself through this, to let go of the kid, to do something that’s good for you instead of for someone else.”
“And now?” He asked as he stepped into the room, stopping in front of her. Dani was one of his oldest friends. She was one of the only people who had any understanding of what he was going through. Sure, Mike and Tom, Chris and Steve were his friends; they saw what he went through after the accident, and in the time since, but Dani actually went through it with him. She was in the car that day. She had to fight to get through it, the same as he did. The others were just on the sidelines.
“I think he might be good for you.” Jensen looked at her in surprise. That wasn’t what he expected. They stared at each other for a few moments before she continued. “He might help you deal with everything.” She said finally.
“I have dealt with everything.” Jensen said, suddenly afraid of where this was going.
“Have you? Have you really? How many times a year do you shut yourself away from us? How many of Sam’s birthday’s have you spent locked in here with a bottle of something? How many of your and Sam’s anniversaries? How many anniversaries of that day?” Jensen was all set to rebut her, but all the wind went out of him. She was right. There were at least 3 days a year that he shut himself off from the world. His cell was turned off, the door locked, the blinds shut. And it was true; normally he had a bottle of Jim, Jack or Jose with him. Sometimes, when the pain was so much it felt like it would kill him, he had all three.
“I was the one to find you last time remember?” Dani stepped to him, cradling his face in her hands. “I’m worried about you Jen. It’s been 10 years. The rest of us, we’ve moved on. It’s about time you do the same.”
She stepped away from him, turning off the light as she made it to the doorway. “We all lost him that day Jen. We can help you. But if you won’t let us, let Jared. Please.” She sighed again as she looked at him, sitting on the bed, head in his hands. He looked so lost. “He might be what you need Jen, but you have to let him be it. Get some sleep. I’ll get the guys out of here.”
“Dani?” she turned to see Jensen watching her, eyes watery. “Thanks, for everything. You’re a great friend.”
“I know,” she said with a grin before turning around and leaving the room, pulling the door closed behind her.
********
Jared tried to take Jensen’s advice, he really did. He tried to eat what the hospital was passing off as food, and he tried to get some sleep. The only problem was that with sleep came nightmares. Horrible ones.
Jared gasped awake, tears streaming down his face as he woke from another nightmare. Only this time it was his younger sister in the car in Chad’s place. His beautiful younger sister, eyes frozen wide in terror. Jared couldn’t shake the image of his sister lying there lifeless, so he switched on the light above his bed and carefully leaned over to get Jensen’s notebook off the bedside table. He’d flicked through it in the hours since Jensen had left him, but never actually taken the time to read the entries, see what Jensen had gone through. But now, well he wasn’t going to go back to sleep, so he had plenty of time.
Jared was amazed at what he saw there. What started out as ranting diary entries, that made no sense, and went from one emotion to another fast enough to give make Jared’s head spin, became sane, clearly though out entries. And Jared was amazed that, as he got further in, there seemed to be poems at the bottom of each entry. Jensen had said that everyone had their own way of expressing their emotions, and Jensen’s was his way with words. Occasionally there were bars, or even melody lines of notes, but Jared didn’t know what they meant beyond that. He’d picked art in his final years at school, rather than music and knew pretty much nothing about it, other than he liked to listen to it, and knew he was practically tone deaf.
But, reading Jensen’s notebook, seeing Jensen’s pain, frustration, and sadness etched out on the paper before him, gave Jared ideas of his own. His first few entries were words, thoughts and ideas as he tried to get his feelings down on paper in a coherent way. After the third try though, his gaze landed on the artists set Jensen had given him, and he started to draw. The first few were rough sketches, in charcoal or pencil, hurried sketches, full of pain and confusion. The following few were rough drawings, full of reds and oranges, the lines dark and thick, putting all his anger out onto the page in a way that made him feel better.
5 days after Jensen’s visit to pull him from the nightmare, Jared started to draw something he’d never done before… people. More specifically… Jensen. Jared didn’t draw people. He generally stuck to drawing animals and landscapes. Things that didn’t have an opinion on his artworks. But the physiotherapist had struck a nerve with him. Everyday Jensen was there to see him, make sure he was doing ok. And every day, after they had said his goodbyes, Jared was left wanting to spend more time with the older man. But Jared had seen the words in Jensen’s diary. It was always about Sam, and the poems were always she. Jared, as usual, had fallen for the straight guy.
********
Jared was early for physiotherapy session, but he was so restless he couldn’t stay in his room another minute or he’d go out of his mind. So he’d convinced Katie to allow him to head to physio early. As they reached the physio room Jared could voices. One female, the other clearly Jensen’s.
Katie cleared her throat as they made it to the doorway. Jensen looked towards the door, then at his watch. “You need to go Dani. I’ve got work to do.”
Jared took in the woman in the room. Tall, red-headed, gorgeous. Jared could easily see why Jensen would have fallen for her. He tried to hide his dismay at knowing Jensen was dating someone, but it couldn’t have worked very well.
“Alright Jen, but think about what I said ok.” She said as she walked away from him, towards Jared. She stopped when she got to him. “Maybe you can convince him to get out a little.” She said to him before walking out the door with Katie, leaving them alone.
“Ignore her.” Jensen said as he walked over to Jared. “She thinks she’s helping. She’s not,” Jensen said darkly as he pushed Jared over to the weights and helped him shift over to the chair. “How are you feeling today?”
“Pretty good. My arm and shoulder have stopped aching as much as they used to.” Jared said as he took the 5 lb weight Jensen gave him in his right hand.
“You’re getting stronger. The stronger your muscles get, the less it’s gonna hurt.” Jensen said as he watched Jared lift the weight with his injured arm. He was getting stronger each day. His strength hadn’t waned that much, but his arm had taken a lot of impact and was still healing.
Jared and Jensen kept talking throughout Jared’s session. It was only when Jensen was stretching Jared out, making sure to keep his muscles from seizing up, that they got to the touchy, personal information.
“So, that woman, the one that was in here earlier? Who is she?” Jared asked as Jensen manipulated the muscles in his right arm and shoulder.
“You clearly haven’t been to see any of the shrinks have you?” Jensen looked at Jared. “Dani’s a friend of mine, one of the shrinks here. The one who’s card I gave you on the first day?”
“Oh,” Jared felt so embarrassed.
“So, are you two… together?”
Jensen looked up abruptly. “Together? As in… together together? Like, in a relationship?”
“Ah, yeah.”
“Hardly. Dani’s not Jen’s type.” Came a voice from the door. “She’s missing some body parts.”
Jensen and Jared looked towards the voice to see Chris standing in the doorway. “Jared, this is Chris, a friend of mine. One that’s about to not live much longer. Chris this is Jared.”
“Nice to meet ya,” Chris drawled as he entered the room. “You just about done for the day? Steve and I thought we might grab a drink. Help you take your mind of today?”
Jensen looked like a deer caught in the headlights, like he wasn’t sure what to do. “Yeah, sure. Can you just… give us a minute?”
Chris left the room, pulling the door closed behind him. Jensen came to stand in front of Jared, rubbing the back of his neck. “Jared? Jared say something. Please.”
“What did he mean that she’s missing some body parts?” Jared said.
“OK, so I guess we have some talking to do. You know how I said that I lost my best friend in that accident?” Jared nodded. “Well, he wasn’t just my best friend. He was my boyfriend.”
Jared looked up in surprise. “He… he what?”
Jensen crouched down in front of him. “He was my boyfriend. I’m gay Jared. Today’s the anniversary of the accident. Dani thinks that if I can talk to you I might finally put it to rest. I might finally let it go and move on with my life. She was right last week when she said that I hadn’t dealt with it; that I was just trying to ignore it. Jared? Jared talk to me. Please?”
“You’re… you’re gay?” Jared shook his head.
“That’s not going to be an issue is it? I mean, you’re ok with it right? You know I’m not going to make a move on you. I mean, you’re my patient. Jared?”
They heard the door open, and Katie walked in, slowing when she saw the two men. “Is everything ok in here?”
Jensen went to lay a hand on Jared’s thigh, but Jared flinched. Jensen let his hand drop. “Jared?”
“I’m sorry Jensen. I... I need to go.” He looked around frantically. “Katie? Can you take me back to my room now? Please?”
“Jared, we haven’t finished. If you don’t stretch you’ll feel even worse in the morning.” Jensen stood. “Please Jared. Just talk to me.”
“I’m sorry Jensen. I can’t do this.” Jared let his head fall forward, his hair obscuring his eyes, as Katie pushed him out of the room. No-one noticed the lone tear that fell from his eye.
********
Jensen watched as Jared was wheeled out of the room. When they were out of the door, Jensen picked up a 4lb medicine ball and hurled it at the wall. It met its target, leaving an impressive dent in the wall. Tears made their way down his face as he continued letting his emotions out on the equipment. Chris and Dani made their way into the room as his knees buckled. Dani made it to him first and pulled him to her. He buried his head in her chest as she ran a hand over his back. “I’m sorry Jen. I’m so, so sorry.” She whispered over and over again as she kissed the top of his head.
“Feel like a drink?” Chris asked as Jensen pulled away from Dani.
“Sure, sounds good.”
They made their way through the halls, and Jensen steadfastly refused to look in Jared’s room, no matter how much he wanted to. He wanted to run to the younger man and explain things. Wanted to run to him and work everything out. But, Jared hadn’t even been able to look at him as Katie had pushed him out of the room, so Jensen refused to let himself crumble. He didn’t notice Jared watching him from the bed as they walked past, noticing Jensen’s red eyes and feeling terrible for putting them there.
Author: Bubbles759
Pairing: Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki
Summary: AU - trauma survivor!jared, PT!Jensen.
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter)
Disclaimer: This story never happened.
A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Moving city's hasn't left alot of time for writing and I apologise. This chapter's a little longer than usual to make up for it. Enjoy
chapter 1 / chapter 2 / chapter 3 / chapter 4 / chapter 5
Jensen was pissed. By the time he made it home he had 12 missed calls on his cell. 6 from Chris, 3 from Mike, and 3 from Dani. He was tempted to turn around and give Mike a piece of his mind, but he was tired. He knew they were just trying to look out for him, didn’t want to see him hurt, again. But he couldn’t give up Jared’s case. And he knew that was exactly what they would want him to do. He knew he was in for a world of hurt, Jared’s case making him relive his own terrible experiences. But there was something about Jared. Jensen knew, the second he picked up the case file, that he’d never be able to put it down, no matter how much it hurt him to take on his case.
He opened the door to the apartment and wasn’t too surprised by what he saw. Chris, Steve, Dani and Tom were sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home.
“Whatever you’re about to say, save your breath,” Jensen said as he turned and walked up the stairs towards his room. All he wanted was to have a long, hot shower, a cold beer, and some sleep. Nowhere on his list was ‘be interrogated by friends’. He knew what they were going to say. He knew that they were going to tell him that this kid wasn’t worth the hurt he was going to go through. That he would get just as much help from one of the other physiotherapists as he would from Jensen. That the other physiotherapist wouldn’t have to go through the hurt Jensen was currently going through. That it would be easier on everyone if he just gave the kid to someone else now, before they got attached to each other. Too late, Jensen thought as he pulled his hoodie over his head.
“Jensen.” Dani had followed him to his room. She took one look at him and whatever she was going to say suddenly changed. “This kid… you’re not going to be able to let him go are you?” She sat on the bed while Jensen used the bathroom, splashing some cool water on his face.
“No.” he answered simply as he leaned against the door jam. “Why are you here Dani? Going to tell me that the he’s not worth going through the pain all over again? Going to say that any of the others could take him and treat him just as well as I can?”
“Well, I was,” she said slowly. “Until I saw you. Mike called Tom after he saw you, who called me. I called Chris and here we are.” She threw her hands in the air. “I don’t know what to tell you Jen. I was all set to tell you not to put yourself through this, to let go of the kid, to do something that’s good for you instead of for someone else.”
“And now?” He asked as he stepped into the room, stopping in front of her. Dani was one of his oldest friends. She was one of the only people who had any understanding of what he was going through. Sure, Mike and Tom, Chris and Steve were his friends; they saw what he went through after the accident, and in the time since, but Dani actually went through it with him. She was in the car that day. She had to fight to get through it, the same as he did. The others were just on the sidelines.
“I think he might be good for you.” Jensen looked at her in surprise. That wasn’t what he expected. They stared at each other for a few moments before she continued. “He might help you deal with everything.” She said finally.
“I have dealt with everything.” Jensen said, suddenly afraid of where this was going.
“Have you? Have you really? How many times a year do you shut yourself away from us? How many of Sam’s birthday’s have you spent locked in here with a bottle of something? How many of your and Sam’s anniversaries? How many anniversaries of that day?” Jensen was all set to rebut her, but all the wind went out of him. She was right. There were at least 3 days a year that he shut himself off from the world. His cell was turned off, the door locked, the blinds shut. And it was true; normally he had a bottle of Jim, Jack or Jose with him. Sometimes, when the pain was so much it felt like it would kill him, he had all three.
“I was the one to find you last time remember?” Dani stepped to him, cradling his face in her hands. “I’m worried about you Jen. It’s been 10 years. The rest of us, we’ve moved on. It’s about time you do the same.”
She stepped away from him, turning off the light as she made it to the doorway. “We all lost him that day Jen. We can help you. But if you won’t let us, let Jared. Please.” She sighed again as she looked at him, sitting on the bed, head in his hands. He looked so lost. “He might be what you need Jen, but you have to let him be it. Get some sleep. I’ll get the guys out of here.”
“Dani?” she turned to see Jensen watching her, eyes watery. “Thanks, for everything. You’re a great friend.”
“I know,” she said with a grin before turning around and leaving the room, pulling the door closed behind her.
********
Jared tried to take Jensen’s advice, he really did. He tried to eat what the hospital was passing off as food, and he tried to get some sleep. The only problem was that with sleep came nightmares. Horrible ones.
Jared gasped awake, tears streaming down his face as he woke from another nightmare. Only this time it was his younger sister in the car in Chad’s place. His beautiful younger sister, eyes frozen wide in terror. Jared couldn’t shake the image of his sister lying there lifeless, so he switched on the light above his bed and carefully leaned over to get Jensen’s notebook off the bedside table. He’d flicked through it in the hours since Jensen had left him, but never actually taken the time to read the entries, see what Jensen had gone through. But now, well he wasn’t going to go back to sleep, so he had plenty of time.
Jared was amazed at what he saw there. What started out as ranting diary entries, that made no sense, and went from one emotion to another fast enough to give make Jared’s head spin, became sane, clearly though out entries. And Jared was amazed that, as he got further in, there seemed to be poems at the bottom of each entry. Jensen had said that everyone had their own way of expressing their emotions, and Jensen’s was his way with words. Occasionally there were bars, or even melody lines of notes, but Jared didn’t know what they meant beyond that. He’d picked art in his final years at school, rather than music and knew pretty much nothing about it, other than he liked to listen to it, and knew he was practically tone deaf.
But, reading Jensen’s notebook, seeing Jensen’s pain, frustration, and sadness etched out on the paper before him, gave Jared ideas of his own. His first few entries were words, thoughts and ideas as he tried to get his feelings down on paper in a coherent way. After the third try though, his gaze landed on the artists set Jensen had given him, and he started to draw. The first few were rough sketches, in charcoal or pencil, hurried sketches, full of pain and confusion. The following few were rough drawings, full of reds and oranges, the lines dark and thick, putting all his anger out onto the page in a way that made him feel better.
5 days after Jensen’s visit to pull him from the nightmare, Jared started to draw something he’d never done before… people. More specifically… Jensen. Jared didn’t draw people. He generally stuck to drawing animals and landscapes. Things that didn’t have an opinion on his artworks. But the physiotherapist had struck a nerve with him. Everyday Jensen was there to see him, make sure he was doing ok. And every day, after they had said his goodbyes, Jared was left wanting to spend more time with the older man. But Jared had seen the words in Jensen’s diary. It was always about Sam, and the poems were always she. Jared, as usual, had fallen for the straight guy.
********
Jared was early for physiotherapy session, but he was so restless he couldn’t stay in his room another minute or he’d go out of his mind. So he’d convinced Katie to allow him to head to physio early. As they reached the physio room Jared could voices. One female, the other clearly Jensen’s.
Katie cleared her throat as they made it to the doorway. Jensen looked towards the door, then at his watch. “You need to go Dani. I’ve got work to do.”
Jared took in the woman in the room. Tall, red-headed, gorgeous. Jared could easily see why Jensen would have fallen for her. He tried to hide his dismay at knowing Jensen was dating someone, but it couldn’t have worked very well.
“Alright Jen, but think about what I said ok.” She said as she walked away from him, towards Jared. She stopped when she got to him. “Maybe you can convince him to get out a little.” She said to him before walking out the door with Katie, leaving them alone.
“Ignore her.” Jensen said as he walked over to Jared. “She thinks she’s helping. She’s not,” Jensen said darkly as he pushed Jared over to the weights and helped him shift over to the chair. “How are you feeling today?”
“Pretty good. My arm and shoulder have stopped aching as much as they used to.” Jared said as he took the 5 lb weight Jensen gave him in his right hand.
“You’re getting stronger. The stronger your muscles get, the less it’s gonna hurt.” Jensen said as he watched Jared lift the weight with his injured arm. He was getting stronger each day. His strength hadn’t waned that much, but his arm had taken a lot of impact and was still healing.
Jared and Jensen kept talking throughout Jared’s session. It was only when Jensen was stretching Jared out, making sure to keep his muscles from seizing up, that they got to the touchy, personal information.
“So, that woman, the one that was in here earlier? Who is she?” Jared asked as Jensen manipulated the muscles in his right arm and shoulder.
“You clearly haven’t been to see any of the shrinks have you?” Jensen looked at Jared. “Dani’s a friend of mine, one of the shrinks here. The one who’s card I gave you on the first day?”
“Oh,” Jared felt so embarrassed.
“So, are you two… together?”
Jensen looked up abruptly. “Together? As in… together together? Like, in a relationship?”
“Ah, yeah.”
“Hardly. Dani’s not Jen’s type.” Came a voice from the door. “She’s missing some body parts.”
Jensen and Jared looked towards the voice to see Chris standing in the doorway. “Jared, this is Chris, a friend of mine. One that’s about to not live much longer. Chris this is Jared.”
“Nice to meet ya,” Chris drawled as he entered the room. “You just about done for the day? Steve and I thought we might grab a drink. Help you take your mind of today?”
Jensen looked like a deer caught in the headlights, like he wasn’t sure what to do. “Yeah, sure. Can you just… give us a minute?”
Chris left the room, pulling the door closed behind him. Jensen came to stand in front of Jared, rubbing the back of his neck. “Jared? Jared say something. Please.”
“What did he mean that she’s missing some body parts?” Jared said.
“OK, so I guess we have some talking to do. You know how I said that I lost my best friend in that accident?” Jared nodded. “Well, he wasn’t just my best friend. He was my boyfriend.”
Jared looked up in surprise. “He… he what?”
Jensen crouched down in front of him. “He was my boyfriend. I’m gay Jared. Today’s the anniversary of the accident. Dani thinks that if I can talk to you I might finally put it to rest. I might finally let it go and move on with my life. She was right last week when she said that I hadn’t dealt with it; that I was just trying to ignore it. Jared? Jared talk to me. Please?”
“You’re… you’re gay?” Jared shook his head.
“That’s not going to be an issue is it? I mean, you’re ok with it right? You know I’m not going to make a move on you. I mean, you’re my patient. Jared?”
They heard the door open, and Katie walked in, slowing when she saw the two men. “Is everything ok in here?”
Jensen went to lay a hand on Jared’s thigh, but Jared flinched. Jensen let his hand drop. “Jared?”
“I’m sorry Jensen. I... I need to go.” He looked around frantically. “Katie? Can you take me back to my room now? Please?”
“Jared, we haven’t finished. If you don’t stretch you’ll feel even worse in the morning.” Jensen stood. “Please Jared. Just talk to me.”
“I’m sorry Jensen. I can’t do this.” Jared let his head fall forward, his hair obscuring his eyes, as Katie pushed him out of the room. No-one noticed the lone tear that fell from his eye.
********
Jensen watched as Jared was wheeled out of the room. When they were out of the door, Jensen picked up a 4lb medicine ball and hurled it at the wall. It met its target, leaving an impressive dent in the wall. Tears made their way down his face as he continued letting his emotions out on the equipment. Chris and Dani made their way into the room as his knees buckled. Dani made it to him first and pulled him to her. He buried his head in her chest as she ran a hand over his back. “I’m sorry Jen. I’m so, so sorry.” She whispered over and over again as she kissed the top of his head.
“Feel like a drink?” Chris asked as Jensen pulled away from Dani.
“Sure, sounds good.”
They made their way through the halls, and Jensen steadfastly refused to look in Jared’s room, no matter how much he wanted to. He wanted to run to the younger man and explain things. Wanted to run to him and work everything out. But, Jared hadn’t even been able to look at him as Katie had pushed him out of the room, so Jensen refused to let himself crumble. He didn’t notice Jared watching him from the bed as they walked past, noticing Jensen’s red eyes and feeling terrible for putting them there.