Coping with tragedy, Chapter 3/?
Title: Coping with tragedy
Author: Bubbles759
Pairing: Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki
Summary: AU - trauma survivor!jared, PT!Jensen.
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter)
Disclaimer: This story never happened.
Notes: Thank you maerhys for an awesome prompt :)
A/N: So sorry for the lateness of this chapter.
chapter 1 here / chapter 2 here
Jensen wasn't quite sure what to do with an armful of crying patient, but he just let his instincts rule his actions. He let one hand rub small comforting circles on the young man's back, the other threading lightly through unruly chocolate colored hair. Eventually he let Jared pull back, wiping at his eyes and tear stained cheeks as he did so.
“I'm sorry.” He croaked. “I didn't mean to get so emotional.”
“That's ok Jared.” Jensen said as he stood up and walked behind Jared's chair again. “Shall we try this again?” Jared nodded and let Jensen wheel him over to a small bed.
Jensen put the breaks on the chair before walking around to the bed and hoisting himself up so he was sitting on it, legs dangling off the edge, facing Jared. He grabbed a notebook sitting beside him, pulling the cap off a pen with his teeth. “So, lets start at the beginning. The basics.”
Jared looked at him suspiciously. “You've got my file there. You know everything about me.”
Jensen smiled. “No, not everything. I know what your file says. I know in medical jargon what happened to you, and the way your body has been damaged. I know what, medically, you can and can't do, but I'd like to hear it from you. I'd like to know your side of things.”
“Like what?”
“Well, start at the beginning. Your name, your age, why you're here in Dallas? How did this happen? What led you to being here?” Jensen sat the pen and the notebook back on the bed beside him, and rested his elbows on his knees, hands together, and just looked at him, waiting for Jared to speak.
Jared defiantly crossed his arms over his chest, as much as he could, and sat there glaring at Jensen. But Jensen, it seemed, had the patience of a saint. He just sat there, looking at Jared. Eventually he moved, putting his arms behind him on the bed and resting on his hands, leaning backward.
“It was a stupid accident!” Jared suddenly exploded. “If I hadn't been so set on acing my finals I would have taken better care of myself over the last few weeks of semester and Chad wouldn't have been waiting for me so he could feed me!” Jared sucked in a shuddering breath and let his arms fall back to his sides. “I'm an engineering student, grad school, at UT.”
“Ok, so you're what? 25?” Jensen guessed, grabbing the notebook and jotting down a few notes.
“Yeah, I moved out here when I started school. I'm from San Antonio originally, but I wanted to get away a bit, far enough away to have my independence, but close enough to go home.”
Jensen nodded. “Yeah, me too. I'm a Dallas native, but I had dreams of going elsewhere. Got into Stanford, pre-med. But after my accident, it changed my mind. And what I could practically do. So, I stayed with pre-med, but went on to physiotherapy, and well, here I am.” When Jared stayed silent Jensen continued. “Jared, I need you to talk to me. I need to understand, from your perspective, what's not working the way you want it to.”
“How about everything.” Jared said, resigned.
Jensen pushed himself off the bed, kneeling in front of Jared, pen and notebook in hand. “Why don't we start at the bottom and work out way up.” He discarded the notebook, and picked up Jared's left foot in his hands. “Does this hurt?” He questioned, just holding Jared's foot. Jared shook his head, no. “Ok, now I want you to rotate it clockwise for me.” He said as he let his hands rest on Jared's ankles. “Good,” he smiled as Jared twisted his foot, no discomfort on his face.
Jared loved that smile. It was the first time he'd seen it, and already he wanted to put on Jensen's face again. “It's not my feet man. My feet are fine.” Jensen carefully put his foot back on the floor, sitting back on his haunches, waiting for Jared to continue. “It's mainly my right hand side, where the car hit me. My shoulder aches without me even moving it, my hip is a mess, my knee is a mess. My foot's about the only thing on my right side that doesn't hurt.”
“What about your leg? I know you broke the bone in your thigh in 3 places, I know you've got pins keeping it together. Does it ache?” Jensen grabbed the notebook again and began to put down some more notes.
“Yeah, sometimes. Not as much as my joints though.” Jared looked down as said shattered limb. Some days he could barely even look at it.
Jensen pushed himself so he was standing before hoisting himself back onto the bed. He grabbed a separate notebook, one Jared hadn't noticed, and a set of pens and pencils. “Have you been to see the shrinks yet Jared?” Jensen asked as he twirled a pen around in his fingers. Jared just wordlessly shook his head. “I didn't think so.” Suddenly Jensen was serious again. “I know you think that they can't help you, that no matter how much you talk to someone, it wont bring your friend back, and you're right, it wont. But it will help you. It will help you alleviate some of that guilt, some of that anger you're holding on to.”
“You know they couldn't bury Chad 'til today, because I wasn't ready to be let out of the hospital, even for a few hours until then? He's been dead 2 weeks, and he's only just been put in the ground.” Jared felt the hot sting of tears behind his eyes again, but determinedly refused to let them fall. Jensen had seen him cry too much already.
“Yeah, that happens. But at least you got to go. Sam was already in the ground for 3 weeks before I woke up and was coherent enough to actually understand what was going on around me. Be thankful for the little things Jared. You have other friends to help you get through it. I didn't. All my close friends were in the car that day. None of us walked away. And one of us paid the ultimate price.”
Jensen pushed himself off the bed, kneeling down in front of Jared again. “Look, I know it's hard ok. I know it feels like you'll never be the same, and you wont be. But I can make you strong again. As long as you help me.” He handed Jared the spare notebook and the pens and pencils. “I know you don't want to talk to the shrinks, and that's ok, I understand. So, what I want you to do is put down everything into this notebook. I want you to put down when you ache. What part, when, what you've been doing, how you've been feeling. Then I want you to put your emotions down in here too. If you're angry, upset, lonely, feel helpless, scared. Any of it. And it doesn't have to be in words. Just in whatever way it's meaningful to you.”
Jensen and Jared looked up as another physiotherapist and their patient entered the room. Jensen held his hand up, signaling for another moment. Then he handed Jared another book. “This is what I was given after my accident. Have a look through it if you want. It might help you make sense of your own thoughts. It might give you some ideas for how to deal with your own.” With that Jensen pushed himself up and walked away from Jared as his nurse came to take him back to his own room, where, no doubt, Sandy and Sophia would be waiting for him.
It wasn't until later that he opened the brand new notebook Jensen had given him to find a business card, and the first page already written on.
Jared,
The card is for one of the shrinks here. Dani. She's great at what she does, and she's a very good friend of mine. Talk to her. It'll help.
Jensen.
Jared stared at the words written on the page, struggling to take it all in. He felt his spirits lift when he spied 10 digits printed underneath the word with call me anytime written below them. Maybe, just maybe, he could make it through this.
Author: Bubbles759
Pairing: Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki
Summary: AU - trauma survivor!jared, PT!Jensen.
Rating: PG-13 (this chapter)
Disclaimer: This story never happened.
Notes: Thank you maerhys for an awesome prompt :)
A/N: So sorry for the lateness of this chapter.
chapter 1 here / chapter 2 here
Jensen wasn't quite sure what to do with an armful of crying patient, but he just let his instincts rule his actions. He let one hand rub small comforting circles on the young man's back, the other threading lightly through unruly chocolate colored hair. Eventually he let Jared pull back, wiping at his eyes and tear stained cheeks as he did so.
“I'm sorry.” He croaked. “I didn't mean to get so emotional.”
“That's ok Jared.” Jensen said as he stood up and walked behind Jared's chair again. “Shall we try this again?” Jared nodded and let Jensen wheel him over to a small bed.
Jensen put the breaks on the chair before walking around to the bed and hoisting himself up so he was sitting on it, legs dangling off the edge, facing Jared. He grabbed a notebook sitting beside him, pulling the cap off a pen with his teeth. “So, lets start at the beginning. The basics.”
Jared looked at him suspiciously. “You've got my file there. You know everything about me.”
Jensen smiled. “No, not everything. I know what your file says. I know in medical jargon what happened to you, and the way your body has been damaged. I know what, medically, you can and can't do, but I'd like to hear it from you. I'd like to know your side of things.”
“Like what?”
“Well, start at the beginning. Your name, your age, why you're here in Dallas? How did this happen? What led you to being here?” Jensen sat the pen and the notebook back on the bed beside him, and rested his elbows on his knees, hands together, and just looked at him, waiting for Jared to speak.
Jared defiantly crossed his arms over his chest, as much as he could, and sat there glaring at Jensen. But Jensen, it seemed, had the patience of a saint. He just sat there, looking at Jared. Eventually he moved, putting his arms behind him on the bed and resting on his hands, leaning backward.
“It was a stupid accident!” Jared suddenly exploded. “If I hadn't been so set on acing my finals I would have taken better care of myself over the last few weeks of semester and Chad wouldn't have been waiting for me so he could feed me!” Jared sucked in a shuddering breath and let his arms fall back to his sides. “I'm an engineering student, grad school, at UT.”
“Ok, so you're what? 25?” Jensen guessed, grabbing the notebook and jotting down a few notes.
“Yeah, I moved out here when I started school. I'm from San Antonio originally, but I wanted to get away a bit, far enough away to have my independence, but close enough to go home.”
Jensen nodded. “Yeah, me too. I'm a Dallas native, but I had dreams of going elsewhere. Got into Stanford, pre-med. But after my accident, it changed my mind. And what I could practically do. So, I stayed with pre-med, but went on to physiotherapy, and well, here I am.” When Jared stayed silent Jensen continued. “Jared, I need you to talk to me. I need to understand, from your perspective, what's not working the way you want it to.”
“How about everything.” Jared said, resigned.
Jensen pushed himself off the bed, kneeling in front of Jared, pen and notebook in hand. “Why don't we start at the bottom and work out way up.” He discarded the notebook, and picked up Jared's left foot in his hands. “Does this hurt?” He questioned, just holding Jared's foot. Jared shook his head, no. “Ok, now I want you to rotate it clockwise for me.” He said as he let his hands rest on Jared's ankles. “Good,” he smiled as Jared twisted his foot, no discomfort on his face.
Jared loved that smile. It was the first time he'd seen it, and already he wanted to put on Jensen's face again. “It's not my feet man. My feet are fine.” Jensen carefully put his foot back on the floor, sitting back on his haunches, waiting for Jared to continue. “It's mainly my right hand side, where the car hit me. My shoulder aches without me even moving it, my hip is a mess, my knee is a mess. My foot's about the only thing on my right side that doesn't hurt.”
“What about your leg? I know you broke the bone in your thigh in 3 places, I know you've got pins keeping it together. Does it ache?” Jensen grabbed the notebook again and began to put down some more notes.
“Yeah, sometimes. Not as much as my joints though.” Jared looked down as said shattered limb. Some days he could barely even look at it.
Jensen pushed himself so he was standing before hoisting himself back onto the bed. He grabbed a separate notebook, one Jared hadn't noticed, and a set of pens and pencils. “Have you been to see the shrinks yet Jared?” Jensen asked as he twirled a pen around in his fingers. Jared just wordlessly shook his head. “I didn't think so.” Suddenly Jensen was serious again. “I know you think that they can't help you, that no matter how much you talk to someone, it wont bring your friend back, and you're right, it wont. But it will help you. It will help you alleviate some of that guilt, some of that anger you're holding on to.”
“You know they couldn't bury Chad 'til today, because I wasn't ready to be let out of the hospital, even for a few hours until then? He's been dead 2 weeks, and he's only just been put in the ground.” Jared felt the hot sting of tears behind his eyes again, but determinedly refused to let them fall. Jensen had seen him cry too much already.
“Yeah, that happens. But at least you got to go. Sam was already in the ground for 3 weeks before I woke up and was coherent enough to actually understand what was going on around me. Be thankful for the little things Jared. You have other friends to help you get through it. I didn't. All my close friends were in the car that day. None of us walked away. And one of us paid the ultimate price.”
Jensen pushed himself off the bed, kneeling down in front of Jared again. “Look, I know it's hard ok. I know it feels like you'll never be the same, and you wont be. But I can make you strong again. As long as you help me.” He handed Jared the spare notebook and the pens and pencils. “I know you don't want to talk to the shrinks, and that's ok, I understand. So, what I want you to do is put down everything into this notebook. I want you to put down when you ache. What part, when, what you've been doing, how you've been feeling. Then I want you to put your emotions down in here too. If you're angry, upset, lonely, feel helpless, scared. Any of it. And it doesn't have to be in words. Just in whatever way it's meaningful to you.”
Jensen and Jared looked up as another physiotherapist and their patient entered the room. Jensen held his hand up, signaling for another moment. Then he handed Jared another book. “This is what I was given after my accident. Have a look through it if you want. It might help you make sense of your own thoughts. It might give you some ideas for how to deal with your own.” With that Jensen pushed himself up and walked away from Jared as his nurse came to take him back to his own room, where, no doubt, Sandy and Sophia would be waiting for him.
It wasn't until later that he opened the brand new notebook Jensen had given him to find a business card, and the first page already written on.
Jared,
The card is for one of the shrinks here. Dani. She's great at what she does, and she's a very good friend of mine. Talk to her. It'll help.
Jensen.
Jared stared at the words written on the page, struggling to take it all in. He felt his spirits lift when he spied 10 digits printed underneath the word with call me anytime written below them. Maybe, just maybe, he could make it through this.