Deviation from the Norm
Okay, I was going to write about Graduation in this entry, but I am going to save it for my next one because I am really pissed. I am so tired of putting on a lovely facade for everyone and saying that "Everything's great and life's great." It's not true. It really sucks when people who you think are your friends turn on you and you realize, "Whoa, these people really don't care about me or my life. I'm just a space filler on their agenda so that they feel better about themselves." Ahh! You know how sometimes you are just so angry that you don't have the words to express what you feel? Well, this is one of those semi- moments.
After thinking about four years and friendships built and broken- I realize that there were a lot more broken. And *newsflash* I wasn't the one to break them or feel like I have to change to please everyone else. I'm comfortable enough with myself that I don't have to follow the freaking majority. I also love how I always feel like I have to be the nice one and apologize to everyone, be the mediator, and basically have people walk all over me. That's another thing that I realized today. That aside from realizing who my real friends are, I'm tired of taking bullshit from people. I always have to cater to people's needs. If they want to be pissed at me, it's okay- but at soon as I have the slightest notion of standing up for myself, I'm automatically the wench, I'm the bitc*, I suck. (Notice how I'm still trying not to swear profusely in my journal.)
**AND... I just have to be consumed with other's people's misery because if I'm not, then I'm not a good friend. I'm tired of people dragging me down into the mud and muck with them. I'm sick of people pulling fast ones on me and thinking that I don't have the BRAINS to figure out what the hell is going on. Just because I'm innocent in someways doesn't make me foolish in others. And if you think that I am going to "cave in" like I always do, hang my head in shame, and try to squeak out an apology for your selfishness, meanness, and downright stupidity for thinking that I have no freaking brains of my own, you have another thing coming.