Waiting
Sitting on a bed in a room waiting for surgery. Real minor thing. Having my VNS unit replaced. I've had this done three times now and I know it's a nothing kind of deal. I'm scared this time though. I wasn't. I was sitting here expecting to go in two hours ago and everything was fine. Then they told me that there was a delay. It has nothing to do with me and everything about needing the room for something else, so my procedure was pushed back to 9am. No big deal. And suddenly I was so scared I was sick. I'm still so scared I'm sick. I don't know why, I've never had nerves like this before about this. Part of it is probably that I don't have my meds, of course. And part of it is probably the strange meds they've already given me. And I haven't eaten since 6pm yesterday so I have no blood sugar. All of those things could certainly combine to make me feel all freaked out and sure I won't make it out of this alive. I know that . But Jesus Christ I'm scared. I wish they'd just come get me and get it over with before I just get up and leave.