Letter To Steve
A kid I follow on Tumblr is posting a shit ton of things about the chick he just broke up with, including that the cops called him and said to back off. This was my advice that I wrote in his Ask box.
Listen, I'm an expert on heartbreak. I've lost my "soulmate" twice (two different girls, both times I thought we were destiny and that if I lost them I would be fucking my heart over and would never find another person who understood me blah blah blah) and recovered.
Here's how you begin the healing process: forget about her.
It's gonna suck, but you can't call her. If you had a conversation with the cops on the phone then you seriously need to cut off all communication with her. And when she inevitably contacts you again, and this is important, PLAY IT COOL. You're better, even if you're not dating you're meeting people, you're FINE without her.
Seriously, the first girl I lost, despite her being engaged with a child, I could waltz back and get her back right now if I wanted. She texts me once every couple of weeks, I play it cool.
I mean, I'm in a healthy relationship now with someone incredibly down to earth and non-dramatic and it's awesome because I'm growing up and finding people for me that aren't psychopaths, but I could. Because I'm not begging for her back and desecrating myself. You need distance, you need time, and most importantly, you need to not look like you're in despair because of this break up.
I get you're upset, and yeah it sucks, but I want you to seriously think about giving it a day and deleting everything emo-y you've written. The end of a relationship is a competition, and if she had to call the cops on you, you're in the red. Big time.
The second girl I lost, I don't talk to anymore. Not because I freaked out on her, but because I gave it a few months, and then let her back in. And then proceeded to destroy her psychologically, because I was still bitter about the shitty fucking games she played with me and the abrupt ending of our relationship, so I brought her back in and just systematically ripped her psyche apart. I don't even feel that bad about it, every once in awhile I go to her page and read what she's up to, and you know what? She seems fine. I know she's not, but she always seems cheery, and a part of me will always want her back because of that.
Not because we were good for each other or even a good match (in some ways we were perfect for each other, in other ways, terrible) but because SHE SEEMS FINE. She's happy, she writes her blog, she lives her fucking life and I never get a mention and it drives me insane. My only retaliation is to live my life as happily as I can and hope she does the same thing. Love is war, is what I'm saying.
I know it hurts, and it's going to hurt for awhile. It will start to hurt less, but then it will come back in big bright flashes and you'll be floored by how much you still care. Think about it like the falling of a feather: it swings down, it swings up. You feel better without her, then the feather swings up and it hurts again. But each time it swings, it hurts less, then finally, it's only a dull memory as you gain new experiences and meet new people.
Maybe you should try stand up comedy? I started doing that after I lost my second great break up and look how that panned out. Change something crucial about yourself so you look a little different than the boy that loved her.
So delete your depressed blog posts, write a comedy video, maybe put on a sad CD and cry one out (I highly recommend Dan Mangan's Nice, Nice, Very Nice) and accept that you can't be with her. But for Christ's sake, don't sulk so publicly, your best shot at ever getting her back is to seem like you're over it. It will drive her insane, it will hit an ego center in her brain and make her think she really loved you all along and was an idiot for letting you go.
And if you're smart, you'll still say no.
Listen, I'm an expert on heartbreak. I've lost my "soulmate" twice (two different girls, both times I thought we were destiny and that if I lost them I would be fucking my heart over and would never find another person who understood me blah blah blah) and recovered.
Here's how you begin the healing process: forget about her.
It's gonna suck, but you can't call her. If you had a conversation with the cops on the phone then you seriously need to cut off all communication with her. And when she inevitably contacts you again, and this is important, PLAY IT COOL. You're better, even if you're not dating you're meeting people, you're FINE without her.
Seriously, the first girl I lost, despite her being engaged with a child, I could waltz back and get her back right now if I wanted. She texts me once every couple of weeks, I play it cool.
I mean, I'm in a healthy relationship now with someone incredibly down to earth and non-dramatic and it's awesome because I'm growing up and finding people for me that aren't psychopaths, but I could. Because I'm not begging for her back and desecrating myself. You need distance, you need time, and most importantly, you need to not look like you're in despair because of this break up.
I get you're upset, and yeah it sucks, but I want you to seriously think about giving it a day and deleting everything emo-y you've written. The end of a relationship is a competition, and if she had to call the cops on you, you're in the red. Big time.
The second girl I lost, I don't talk to anymore. Not because I freaked out on her, but because I gave it a few months, and then let her back in. And then proceeded to destroy her psychologically, because I was still bitter about the shitty fucking games she played with me and the abrupt ending of our relationship, so I brought her back in and just systematically ripped her psyche apart. I don't even feel that bad about it, every once in awhile I go to her page and read what she's up to, and you know what? She seems fine. I know she's not, but she always seems cheery, and a part of me will always want her back because of that.
Not because we were good for each other or even a good match (in some ways we were perfect for each other, in other ways, terrible) but because SHE SEEMS FINE. She's happy, she writes her blog, she lives her fucking life and I never get a mention and it drives me insane. My only retaliation is to live my life as happily as I can and hope she does the same thing. Love is war, is what I'm saying.
I know it hurts, and it's going to hurt for awhile. It will start to hurt less, but then it will come back in big bright flashes and you'll be floored by how much you still care. Think about it like the falling of a feather: it swings down, it swings up. You feel better without her, then the feather swings up and it hurts again. But each time it swings, it hurts less, then finally, it's only a dull memory as you gain new experiences and meet new people.
Maybe you should try stand up comedy? I started doing that after I lost my second great break up and look how that panned out. Change something crucial about yourself so you look a little different than the boy that loved her.
So delete your depressed blog posts, write a comedy video, maybe put on a sad CD and cry one out (I highly recommend Dan Mangan's Nice, Nice, Very Nice) and accept that you can't be with her. But for Christ's sake, don't sulk so publicly, your best shot at ever getting her back is to seem like you're over it. It will drive her insane, it will hit an ego center in her brain and make her think she really loved you all along and was an idiot for letting you go.
And if you're smart, you'll still say no.