She Asks "Are You Cursed?" He Says "I Think That I'm Cured..."
Click to viewThe new Josh Ritter album is great. The Curse is such an intense song.
A year ago, I was living at home, depressed, going to college in South Portland but not taking it seriously.
I left school with decent grades but no ambition to finish their pointless "Video & Audio Production" degree.
Then Ashley happened. I felt amazing.
Ashley left, I felt hopeless and alone. I took a CNA course in the Fall, as a step in the right direction. Awful, soul-crushing work, but it would pay me enough to move out, secure a little bit of independence for myself, boost my confidence.
Last February, I read a Craigslist ad for an apartment in Sanford, right down the street from the nursing home that employs me. It would be a twenty-minute walk to-and-from, perfect. And for the last few months, you have been able to see my chubby ass haunting Sanford, Maine.
Lisa had posted the ad. When I drove out to meet her, she was very upfront about her life. She had been incarcerated from last September to last January. She had missed Thanksgiving and Christmas, and why? She's a recovering drug addict, and had a major meltdown earlier last year.
She swore she was done, trying to jump-start her new life. Going to two or three recovery meetings a day, staying away from old temptations.
At first she was awesome. I think my boyish stupidity annoyed her at first, she spent some time pissed at me for forgetting dishes, not cleaning the bathroom, leaving things uncovered--dumb roommate stuff.
But we quickly became best friends. I accepted her wholly, not trying to change any aspect of her. I was always available to talk and we joked around. She became my best friend. In mid-April, I had a couple massive blow-outs with Ashley and my brother, and she was literally the only person I had to talk to during that time. She was so fucking cool.
I started doing stand up comedy in the beginning of March. It's something I've always wanted to do, something I've always had a passion for, something I've always been too chicken-shit to try. And the first time I did it, I sucked. Hard. Just a blithering, embarrassing mess. I went back a week later, and I was a lot more focused. A week after that, I let loose. And I was better for it. She actually helped me develop some of my bits to make them better. I was this punk sleeping in her house and she took my comedy seriously.
Last March, she relapsed. She spent a week in jail. They let her out, and she promised me she was done with drugs. You see where this is going.
A couple weeks ago, she met guy named Matt at an AA meeting. Handsome, skinny, and ripped. Also, completely addicted to drugs.
In the last three weeks, I've watched her morph from this awesome, wonderful person to a paranoid freak. She's borrowed money from me that she will never pay back. The whole aura of the house has gone from warm and inviting to awkward and painful. I've stopped sleeping in my own bedroom, opting instead to crash on my parents' couch every night because the knowledge of what she's doing right next door makes my skin crawl.
A friend of mine in Boston offered me a guest nook in her apartment until I get back onto my feet. As someone who's always loved the idea of living in Boston, naturally I jumped at it. I've been down there a couple times now, interviewing at different nursing homes.
Yesterday I stopped into a Chinese Restaurant. At the end of the meal, my fortune cookie told me something that floored me:
The change you have already started has far-reaching consequences. Be ready.
This morning, I threw everything into my car and left. Not before Lisa begged the last eighteen dollars out of my wallet. I'm like my father way too much sometimes; total enabler.
Tomorrow, I make my first trip to my new home, to drop off some things. I'm stressed, exhausted, excited, terrified, ecstatic.
My life is far less than typical. But I like it that way. For the first time in my life, I'm actually moving towards something, not idling. So many people talk about their boring, shitty plans for their life. Going to school and having kids and never seeing anything or doing anything out of the norm. I never have two days that are the same anymore. And I love it.
It's funny how these things come together. Every time I start to get comfortable in a situation, the universe pulls that carpet out from under me. I feel like destiny is guiding me. Setting things up that need to happen, people I need to meet, places I need to see. And when I start to like those things too much, the same universe pulls them away. It's cruel, but it keeps me on my toes. I've learned to not get too attached to people or things. All I need is my family, and my sense of humor, and I know I'll be alright.
I guess, you could say, I'm ready.
PS: I have my first paying comedy gig coming up.
UPDATE: I got twenty dollars for that gig. Here's the video:
Justin P. Drew on Peaks Island 6-4-2010 - watch more funny videos
It was an incredible night. I got some great tips from other comedians, and made some valuable connections. And I held my own for ten minutes on stage.
Lisa's in jail. Last I heard, she's looking at 8 months in a halfway-house/house arrest-type rehab program, or 18 months in real prison.
I'm living in Brighton, Mass. I have a job lined up, I'm just waiting for my CNA certification to transfer over and I can start. I have a list of performance dates stretching out all summer, and I'm adding more all the time.
A guy who does a nationally syndicated internet show wants Stay Classy to produce a series of two-minute videos for his site.
Life isn't perfect yet, but it's getting better.
I still wish you'd suck it up and call me, though.