one
I don't trust anybody. I haven't for as long as I can remember.
I don't know what happened to me in my childhood but I was always scared of making friends. Like, I had friends, but I never let them get too close. Throughout Middle School and High School, I had pretty much zero friends. Even my buddy Jeff Gilbert was only someone I talked to like, once a month, and I considered him my BEST friend forever.
Then came Kristen.
She had all this baggage and at the very beginning it all really bothered me, but then I found something in her worth loving. And she loved me for that. I was just this naive, innocent, stupid-as-hell kid and she was the school slut, but it worked for the longest time. I ceased to think of myself as Justin, it was always Justin+Kristen. In my mind, that's how I thought of us. I could have seen myself settling down with her, working some shit ass job to bring home money for her and our kid, I could have seen all that happening. Her cheating on me was the best thing that could ever happen, and as much as it hurt for at least two years afterward, I wouldn't change a thing about how it went down.
(I almost think the universe, when it sees me start to get comfortable, I think it strips these things away. Just rips them away and leaves me emotionally bankrupt, puts me in a position where I have no choice but to move on and be better. Move toward my dreams.)
But since her, the only person I completely trusted (outside of my family) was Ashley Davis. And she ripped me to shreds as well. And, while I'd love to meet somebody who I can let in completely and be amazing with, I honestly don't see that happening. As of right now, I honestly don't see myself ever marrying, or letting my guard down enough for any kind of meaningful relationship. All the girls I mess around with now, I play mind games with, because I don't care. And the more they hang on, the less I respect them, the meaner I get. I don't even feel bad about it.
I don't know what happened to me in my childhood but I was always scared of making friends. Like, I had friends, but I never let them get too close. Throughout Middle School and High School, I had pretty much zero friends. Even my buddy Jeff Gilbert was only someone I talked to like, once a month, and I considered him my BEST friend forever.
Then came Kristen.
She had all this baggage and at the very beginning it all really bothered me, but then I found something in her worth loving. And she loved me for that. I was just this naive, innocent, stupid-as-hell kid and she was the school slut, but it worked for the longest time. I ceased to think of myself as Justin, it was always Justin+Kristen. In my mind, that's how I thought of us. I could have seen myself settling down with her, working some shit ass job to bring home money for her and our kid, I could have seen all that happening. Her cheating on me was the best thing that could ever happen, and as much as it hurt for at least two years afterward, I wouldn't change a thing about how it went down.
(I almost think the universe, when it sees me start to get comfortable, I think it strips these things away. Just rips them away and leaves me emotionally bankrupt, puts me in a position where I have no choice but to move on and be better. Move toward my dreams.)
But since her, the only person I completely trusted (outside of my family) was Ashley Davis. And she ripped me to shreds as well. And, while I'd love to meet somebody who I can let in completely and be amazing with, I honestly don't see that happening. As of right now, I honestly don't see myself ever marrying, or letting my guard down enough for any kind of meaningful relationship. All the girls I mess around with now, I play mind games with, because I don't care. And the more they hang on, the less I respect them, the meaner I get. I don't even feel bad about it.