Blech.
Which is pretty effing late, but the parents were going out tonight; it was a nice way to end things, I thought, to be the one to tuck the boys in tonight. It was really nice, actually - we went to the movies, then McDonald's, then came home and just watched movies. It was really, really good.
And the thing is - we were so nice to each other today, because all three of us knew it was the last day - and it was both really good and really sad, because it should've been like that all the time. I know that's not possible, but it should've been. And all day I just knew that I am gonna miss those boys so, so much. It actually hurt to look at them sometimes.
All of this is just ... weird. Even if I consider the fact that I haven't really been happy there for about a year or so, it's just ... I've had some really good times there, and despite the fact that those boys drive me up the freaking wall sometimes, I really do love them. I do. There's no way I couldn't, after being with them every day for almost two years. And that family has always been really good to me - they've been a pain my ass sometimes, definitely, but overall they've been better than what I ever expected.
Both boys have been dropping little comments for the past week or so - "you're gonna come visit us again after you leave, right?" - "are you gonna take us to that state fair again like you did last year, Mette? 'Cause I'll only go if you take us" - which was really ... really nice to hear, because now I know for sure that they do actually care whether I live or die, but it also broke my heart a little, because I have no idea how often I'll see them from now on. I'm definitely gonna come visit, and I've offered to babysit on weekends if they need it more than once, but I have no clue what my life is gonna be like from now on. I know I'm going to diet school, but after that, I have no idea.
EVERYTHING is new right now. Everything I'm gonna experience from now on this year will be new; it's scary, but it's also so exciting, because nothing new has happened to me in so long and I've had it up to here with the way I've been living my life. I'm lonely and I'm tired and I need change, as much as it scares me right now. But I know it'll change for the better. Still, today was really hard.
Right. Anyways. I'm leaving for a mini vacation in - oh, three hours. Awesome. I'll be back on Friday, I think, and after that I'll probably only be around on weekends. Just thought I should let y'all know. :) Have a great week!