LJ Idol Week 1 - I Don’t Care About Apathy: What I "Should" Care About - But Don’t
I've spent the past several days desperately trying to come up with something to write about for this topic. Today, in desperation, I called my best friend and asked her, "What am I apathetic about?" It was interesting listening to her struggle in the same manner to come up with something, anything, that I am apathetic about, and having no luck whatsoever.
Eventually, the two of us came to the conclusion that apathy simply isn't in my nature.
Taking a good look at who I am and always have been, this isn't really all that surprising. Ever since I was a child, I've cared deeply and passionately about EVERYTHING. It used to (and probably still does) drive my parents insane. This trait led to repeated emotional outbursts, rages about injustice, and a constant drive to improve the world that I lived in. I think I was convinced from a very young age that I could be like Harold, and use my own purple crayon to draw the world the way that it was supposed to be if I just cared enough.
This isn't a trait that has gone away or diminished as I've grown to adulthood, although age has taught me to be more realistic and learn to handle these feelings better. I often wonder if my husband would still have proposed had he known before living with me that it would be nothing unusual to come home from work and find me in tears over the crisis in Darfur, or home from a deployment to discover that while he was away I got involved in yet another cause. I'm sure that he would be more than happy to live without being woken up at 2am to listen to me rant about the unfairness of the high cost of drugs to treat HIV and AIDS, or the inhumanity of the city for not providing enough homeless shelters in January. And I know that he would be grateful if he didn't have to continually remind me of the already full schedule that I carry when I talk about wanting to add volunteering at a domestic violence shelter or on the Human Trafficking Hotline to my list of responsibilities. I just can't seem to help myself.
I am an extraordinarily lucky person. I have a wonderful family, a few incredible friends, a bank account that is too low for comfort on occasion, but which doesn't leave me unable to buy groceries, and a life that I truly love. But my life wasn't always this charmed. I've faced obstacles that I truly believed at the time would destroy me, but which I've somehow managed to overcome. And I understand just how lucky the ability to get through to the other side of my dark points makes me. It took me a long time to get where I am now, and I can't seem to overcome this desire I have to see others love their lives as much as I love mine. I think that desire coupled with my inability to be dispassionate about anything just overwhelms my own ability to feel apathy.
One of my earliest memories is of a poster hanging up on a wall somewhere. It had a picture of a crawling baby wearing only a diaper, and the caption read, "If something stinks, change it." That poster led to a great many attempts on my part as a child to right the wrongs in the world, and it still pops into my mind every time I find myself despairing about something. It took longer for me to really "get" the other quote that I find myself recalling during those times. "Be the change that you want to see in the world." So now, instead of assuming that I can take my purple crayon and do it all by myself, I've come to realize that a better goal is to do what I can, and hope that will be enough to inspire someone else to do what they can, and that the chain reaction will lead to the death of apathy.
~Lisa
*****This is my entry for Week 2 of therealljidol. If you liked it, PLEASE go vote for me at the link I will post here tomorrow here (I'm in Tribe 3). You do NOT have to be a member of the community to vote. There's also the added bonus of the list of other fantastic entries on this topic to look forward to.*****
Eventually, the two of us came to the conclusion that apathy simply isn't in my nature.
Taking a good look at who I am and always have been, this isn't really all that surprising. Ever since I was a child, I've cared deeply and passionately about EVERYTHING. It used to (and probably still does) drive my parents insane. This trait led to repeated emotional outbursts, rages about injustice, and a constant drive to improve the world that I lived in. I think I was convinced from a very young age that I could be like Harold, and use my own purple crayon to draw the world the way that it was supposed to be if I just cared enough.
This isn't a trait that has gone away or diminished as I've grown to adulthood, although age has taught me to be more realistic and learn to handle these feelings better. I often wonder if my husband would still have proposed had he known before living with me that it would be nothing unusual to come home from work and find me in tears over the crisis in Darfur, or home from a deployment to discover that while he was away I got involved in yet another cause. I'm sure that he would be more than happy to live without being woken up at 2am to listen to me rant about the unfairness of the high cost of drugs to treat HIV and AIDS, or the inhumanity of the city for not providing enough homeless shelters in January. And I know that he would be grateful if he didn't have to continually remind me of the already full schedule that I carry when I talk about wanting to add volunteering at a domestic violence shelter or on the Human Trafficking Hotline to my list of responsibilities. I just can't seem to help myself.
I am an extraordinarily lucky person. I have a wonderful family, a few incredible friends, a bank account that is too low for comfort on occasion, but which doesn't leave me unable to buy groceries, and a life that I truly love. But my life wasn't always this charmed. I've faced obstacles that I truly believed at the time would destroy me, but which I've somehow managed to overcome. And I understand just how lucky the ability to get through to the other side of my dark points makes me. It took me a long time to get where I am now, and I can't seem to overcome this desire I have to see others love their lives as much as I love mine. I think that desire coupled with my inability to be dispassionate about anything just overwhelms my own ability to feel apathy.
One of my earliest memories is of a poster hanging up on a wall somewhere. It had a picture of a crawling baby wearing only a diaper, and the caption read, "If something stinks, change it." That poster led to a great many attempts on my part as a child to right the wrongs in the world, and it still pops into my mind every time I find myself despairing about something. It took longer for me to really "get" the other quote that I find myself recalling during those times. "Be the change that you want to see in the world." So now, instead of assuming that I can take my purple crayon and do it all by myself, I've come to realize that a better goal is to do what I can, and hope that will be enough to inspire someone else to do what they can, and that the chain reaction will lead to the death of apathy.
~Lisa
*****This is my entry for Week 2 of therealljidol. If you liked it, PLEASE go vote for me at the link I will post here tomorrow here (I'm in Tribe 3). You do NOT have to be a member of the community to vote. There's also the added bonus of the list of other fantastic entries on this topic to look forward to.*****