(no subject)
this weekend changed me, my life, and my outlook on a lot of things.
although at first the whole thing was kind of crazy, i met the most amazing people in the entire world, and i miss them already. it was just incredible.
one speaker in general really did it for me, and about everyone else in the room. EVERYONE cried, and idk, it is just always powerful when i see macho boys hysterical. i will remember jim's speech forever... i dont want to wait my entire life to show some damn emotion. i dont want to wait for my friends to be dead before i let them know i truly care. i dont want to wait until my parent's are in acoma to tell them i love them. i dont want to base my self-worth on things that can be taken away from me in a second. i dont want to wait my entire life to let someone in - ive never trusted anyone that much, and ive always been afraid.
i've been afraid that they might take a step inside me, look around, see my insecurites, see my flaws, and see how weak i am - not like it, and leave me forever. im tired of being afraid.
thats just one thing that went on, but there was soooooo much more. its so funny though - i thought that i would come home and everyone here would have learned all that i did, and would be "changed" like i am. i thought people would realize that anger, jealousy, and greed, are emotions that your mind creates for itself. i thought people would realize that attachment is just a dillusion, that they are only falling in love with the version of the person they have created in their mind - someone who is totally different than the real thing. i thought they would realize that true love is when u say "i want to make YOU happy" and not "make ME happy"... i thought they would realize.
coming back to the "real world" was a little upsetting, seeing as everyone and everything is still the same... but i hope that i stay like this - happy - for the first time in a while.
although at first the whole thing was kind of crazy, i met the most amazing people in the entire world, and i miss them already. it was just incredible.
one speaker in general really did it for me, and about everyone else in the room. EVERYONE cried, and idk, it is just always powerful when i see macho boys hysterical. i will remember jim's speech forever... i dont want to wait my entire life to show some damn emotion. i dont want to wait for my friends to be dead before i let them know i truly care. i dont want to wait until my parent's are in acoma to tell them i love them. i dont want to base my self-worth on things that can be taken away from me in a second. i dont want to wait my entire life to let someone in - ive never trusted anyone that much, and ive always been afraid.
i've been afraid that they might take a step inside me, look around, see my insecurites, see my flaws, and see how weak i am - not like it, and leave me forever. im tired of being afraid.
thats just one thing that went on, but there was soooooo much more. its so funny though - i thought that i would come home and everyone here would have learned all that i did, and would be "changed" like i am. i thought people would realize that anger, jealousy, and greed, are emotions that your mind creates for itself. i thought people would realize that attachment is just a dillusion, that they are only falling in love with the version of the person they have created in their mind - someone who is totally different than the real thing. i thought they would realize that true love is when u say "i want to make YOU happy" and not "make ME happy"... i thought they would realize.
coming back to the "real world" was a little upsetting, seeing as everyone and everything is still the same... but i hope that i stay like this - happy - for the first time in a while.