what has been stopping me from writing in this?
letting my guard down is probably the single most scary thing in the world to me. however, the more i'm breaking that guard, the more i'm realizing it's only something that's been hindering me. i've opened up in a lot of ways this semester, and i'm definitely feeling a lot more...i guess better with everything. i need to keep that in mind and keep doing new things that continue to push me. i don't know why showing emotion is such a freaking scary thing to me. there are so many events, people, and other various things that i could put blame on but in reality i'm the only one that should be held responsible. sure, certain things have shaped me but i'm the only one that has full responsibility to morph all that. so from now on no more hiding in a secret journal land for alyssa. no matter how hard it is, no matter how nervous i get i'm telling everybody how i feel.